Serendipity
by ob1kenobi
Summary: Paily AU - Emily Fields acquires a new band to manage, but she doesn't bargain on the handful of trouble she gets with the band's testy and wild lead singer, Paige McCullers. Emily's agency is betting on this band to rocket them to stardom, but can she tame the beast in Paige or will it tear them both to shreds?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**"Oh, I am fortune's fool!" ― William Shakespeare**

"Fuck, you feel good. Put your leg on my shoulder." Paige's focus was already hazy, but the blonde girl underneath her on the Shoreline Amphitheatre's green room couch was naked and begging, grabbing handfuls of Paige's shirt and urging her on. Paige leaned over and took the bottle of Jack Daniels on the coffee table and gulped another healthy swig. The acrid taste made her eyes water, but it was easier to forget faces when she was drunk, and after tonight's sold out show, she was amped and wanted to make sure she enjoyed the girl without the vicious regret she would feel if she remembered this in the morning.

"God, this is like- totally serendipity," the girl giggled, her lips wet and her breath coming up to meet Paige's face with little puffs of hot air.

_Jesus_, Paige thought. _I hate when they talk._

* * *

The afternoon was bright, little whorls of leaves occasionally kicked up in the breeze, and Oval Park in Stanford was teeming with students enjoying a free and unfettered Saturday. Paige was sitting in the grass watching some friends throw a frisbee while she listened to her best friend Julie Klaxton pick out strands of an unknown song on her guitar. She watched the other students laugh and gambol around each other, smiling at just how much she enjoyed being there at that moment. It was Paige's second year at Stanford, and already she had won the role of anchor and was co-captain of their winning swim team, sharing the responsibility with Julie. Plus, she'd aced a difficult Biology test yesterday. _This is it_, she thought, _this is everything I dreamed it would be_. She felt like she should reach out and grab hold of the life in front of her, squeeze out its essence and drink its juice. She turned to Julie and said, "We should start a band."

Julie rolled her hazel eyes and scoffed, "Yeah. Good one, McCullers. Just me playing guitar and you standing there. I can see the crowds now."

"I can sing," Paige retorted while chuckling, albeit a little petulantly, "at least well enough to sing in a band if you play loud enough. Come on! It'd be fun. Coffee houses, free entry to local music fests, maybe even a groupie or two- whaddya say?"

Julie eyed her again, this time with less scorn. She put down her guitar. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Paige blinked in mock disbelief. "As a heart attack." Paige laughed again as Julie shoved her hard enough to push her over into the grass. Still lying on her back, Paige squinted up into the sun at Julie and posited, "How 'bout this? I get a drummer and maybe a bass player and you agree to try it."

"Fine. Good luck with that. But the drummer better be a hot guy," Julie relented with a sigh as she picked up her guitar again and started playing a new tune.

Paige surprised Julie just a short week later by walking into the locker room before swim practice with the name of a drummer. Craig Sanders, Paige's lab partner, already had much of the equipment they needed for the band and, as an added bonus, his brother Carson was bored, recently single, and some sort of virtuoso who played bass as well as several other instruments. He wasn't a drummer, but he was cute, Paige assured.

As Paige related the details, Julie rolled her eyes. She loved Paige, but the ease with which Paige skated through life was enough to make Julie green with envy. Paige. Beautiful, doe-eyed, talented, funny, easy-going Paige. She walked under an invisible magic horseshoe, and when she wanted something, it would drop in her lap as if she waved a wand and sprinkled some fairy dust. If she _wasn't_ her best friend, Julie would hate the bitch.

"You know, Paige, I don't get how serendipity just seems to find you all the damn time. Your lab partner is a drummer? Seriously? Fuck you."

Paige just grinned back at her. "You promised to try it."

Their first practice had shocked them all. Paige could carry a tune, Craig was a pretty decent drummer, and Carson was a musical genius. As an added bonus, Carson had written a few songs in his Music Theory class that they could use in their first set list.

It really was serendipity, and as they all looked at each other over the fresh six-pack they were enjoying after band practice, they didn't even have to fight over what to call their band…

* * *

Paige shook herself out of her reverie, and looked back down at the blonde girl writhing wantonly on the couch. _Shit, how many times have I done this on this exact couch?_ She was still fully clothed; she hadn't even taken her own shoes off yet. Hell, she probably wouldn't. The girl's giggling had all but killed the spark of desire she had felt when the blonde first made eye contact with her from the crowd.

"Don't talk," she rasped callously as she poured whiskey on the girl's breasts with one hand and entered her swiftly with the other. If it wasn't desire that the blonde's sudden keening was igniting within Paige, then it was power. A swift need to dominate and feed the darkness seething within overcame Paige, and she leaned over to lick the liquor off her conquest's chest as she drove her fingers deeper.

And that was the scene Emily Fields was greeted with when she opened the door to the green room to meet her new client.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**"You never get a second chance to make a first impression." - Will Rogers**

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" Emily's face went up in flames as she closed her eyes to the view in front of her, and quickly backed out of the room, shutting the door a little harder than she needed to in her haste to retreat.

* * *

Emily Fields hadn't been a band manager for long. She and four high school friends started up the HMF talent agency shortly after they returned to Rosewood after graduating college.

One gloomy afternoon, the four of them were all sitting around a lunch table at the Grille when Hanna Marin, who'd eked out a passing grade at a private art college across the country, was lamenting the lack of jobs in Rosewood.

"Spencer specialized in entertainment law at UPenn, right?"

Spencer Hastings raised a supercilious eyebrow; she hadn't just specialized, she'd excelled. She was a Hastings. And she had done it in four and a half years instead of six. Spencer simply nodded her head, eyebrow still raised as she sipped her drink. Whatever Hanna was about to say was sure to be either incredibly stupid, or impressively intuitive. It was always a coin toss.

"We should totally start a talent agency. There's a ton of college bands around here from Hollis. Aria can be like the person who makes ads and stuff, and Spencer can do all the legal mumbo jumbo. Emily, you'd be a great band manager. And I could, like, go to concerts and try to find people we can sign."

Spencer raised her other eyebrow and looked at each girl in turn across the table. They all looked back at her with the same expression. The coin toss was in Hanna's favor today. By playing to all their strengths, it really did seem like a good idea.

When she looked at everyone's open expression, Hanna plastered her patented grin on her face and threw up her hands in a silent cheer.

That was a little less than a year ago. As they built the business, they'd had some success with a few local bands, but hadn't managed to sign anyone to a big record deal yet. Then Hanna received a call from a college friend who was in need of an agency for her boyfriend's band, Serendipity. Hanna's alma mater was located in California, as was the band, so it was a long shot, but Spencer, their legal lead and business brain, felt they were ready to expand. So Hanna had scouted the band at this year's SXSW music festival, and she came back to their office in Rosewood flush with elation.

"This is it, you guys. This is the next 'IT' band. They have this crazy sound that's like Paramore and Fall Out Boy all rolled into one. And the lead singer is this chick who has insane charisma. Security was literally pulling people off the fences because they were trying to crash the stage. I saw a fully grown dude cry while taking a selfie with the singer backstage. Like sobbing and peeing himself. I'm telling you, if we land this client, we're set." She passed around a handful of candid crowd and band photos she'd taken during Serendipity's performance.

Hanna's grin and excitement were infectious, and Aria Montgomery smiled. "I can work with that. Edgy. I like it, but their band's logo could use some work." Aria bounded up from her seated position on the edge of her desk and sat down in her chair, pulling out a fresh sketch pad to begin drafting some designs.

Spencer allowed herself a tight grin as she began pacing in short circles around the room, arms crossing and uncrossing as she mentally worked through their next steps. "Okay, we need to draw up some contracts. I'm feeling full push on this. The band is still young. They've never had a professional agency, and they've been together for three years? That means they aren't taking themselves seriously yet. Let's go forty percent of earnings. Complete creative control for marketing and booking venues. Emily, we need to get you on a flight to California as soon as this contract is signed. Let's jump on the hype the band created at SXSW."

Emily nodded silently from her seated position by the office window as she looked through the photos. Brow furrowed, she was quietly contemplating what this new step might do to her current relationships with local clients. She was good at her job. She related well to people, and they seemed to instantly gravitate toward her innate honesty and integrity. And if they didn't care about all that, they liked her because she was attractive- exotically beautiful, with just a touch of humble thrown in to keep her from seeming untouchable. Emily hoped she was up to the challenge of making the band members happy, for all their sakes.

* * *

Emily, head down and hand covering her eyes, was busy cursing her atrocious timing in the hall behind the stage when she felt a tap on her arm. She looked up to see an attractive guy with shaggy black hair and dark brown eyes looking down at her, a questioning expression on his face.

"You okay?" He asked, his hand still on her arm in a soothing gesture.

"Yeah, I just- just-"

"I hate to be the one to break it to you because you look like a really sweet girl, but Paige would never settle down with you anyway. I'll call you a cab, and you can chalk this whole experience up to a lesson learned."

Emily broke out of her embarrassed silence. "What?" She asked, more than a little confounded.

"Paige. You were just- ahem- in the green room with Paige, right?"

"Oh!" It finally started to make sense to Emily. "No. No. I'm Emily Fields, your new manager from HMF. You're Craig, right? We spoke on the phone yesterday."

He looked sheepish, and his cheeks turned pink. "Oh man, I'm so sorry. When I saw you out here, and with Paige being- God. Totally wrong first impression. I'm Craig Sanders. My girlfriend Carrie went to school with Hanna." He stumbled haltingly, putting his right hand out to take her hand in an apologetic handshake.

Emily liked him immediately. As she'd met more and more of the typical 'band' personalities, she always seemed to clique with drummers best. Maybe it was because the wall of drums kept them an arm's length away from the adoration and hero worship that some of the others experienced. Whatever it was, drummers always seemed nice and caring, exactly the type of person she liked to call a friend.

Just then the green room opened again. The blonde, eyes averted and high heels in hand, slipped past them without a word and beat a hasty retreat.

Craig looked at Emily with yet another apology on his lips, but before he could utter it, Paige stalked out if the room.

Emily's senses were immediately assaulted with the smell of whiskey and musky sex. Paige looked like a panther seeking out its prey from a high tree top. Dark, smoky eye makeup streaked with sweat- from what Emily hoped was the show and not other activities- surrounded the most wounded brown eyes she'd ever seen. Emily understood immediately why the singer was so magnetic.

Paige bared her alcohol-soaked fangs, and snarled, "Who the fuck are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**"One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life." - E.M. Forster**

Emily was taken aback by the vitriol coming from Paige McCullers. She'd heard of some lead singers becoming prima donnas, but she hadn't yet experienced one in the sheltered space of Rosewood. The bands she worked with this past year were gracious and welcomed her presence, her hard work, and her kindness.

Of course, she hadn't been properly introduced to Paige yet. Maybe the girl thought she was a stalker groupie who barged in and ruined a _very_ personal moment. She resolved to rectify that immediately.

Emily smiled deeply, exposing her dimples, and stuck out her hand to Paige, saying in her warmest and sincerest voice, "I'm Emily Fields. I'm really sorry for opening the door; I didn't think about knocking first."

_Jesus, they sure brought out the big guns. It's like they're taunting me with some sweet innocent fruit, low hanging and ripe for picking,_ Paige mused. _Eh, she's probably a boring fuck._

Paige didn't take the profferred hand. "Oh, the new manager? Listen, I think this whole thing is bullshit. Carrie got us to South by Southwest, and she didn't take a huge cut of our profits. Or make us change our band's logo. And she knows better than to walk into the green room after a show. This whole thing is fucked. No offense, _Emily_ _Fields_." Paige said her name in such a way that it was indeed absolutely intentionally and irrevocably offensive.

Emily was speechless for the second time in as many minutes. How had everything gone so poorly so quickly?

"Paige-" Craig began warningly.

"Retract your claws, McCullers." The new voice came from somewhere behind Emily, and she turned to see a small brunette with hazel eyes and a guitar case slung on her back steadily walking towards them. "You can be a real dickhead, you know that?" As she made it to the small gathering, she put her nose up to Paige and scrunched it in disgust, "Especially when you're drunk," she added before turning to Emily. "Hi, I'm Julie Klaxton. Despite what Paige says, we're glad to have you here. Craig's girlfriend _Carrie_," she emphasized the name while staring back at Paige, "is also glad to have you here."

The feral look on Paige's face, the worried look in Craig's eyes, and the taunting air Julie affected made Emily realize immediately that something was very wrong with this band. Very wrong indeed.

Julie shot another glance at Paige, realizing her friend's emotions were about to boil over. She'd seen that look before, she'd goaded too far, and she needed Paige to calm down before there was an attack. "Go take a shower, McCullers. You stink like that blonde I just passed in the hall. And call a cab."

A look passed across Paige's face that almost, almost, reminded Julie of the Paige she used to know. It was there; recognition, gratitude even, ghosted across her face before the mask slammed down again. Paige sneered at Craig and Emily before striding away, her long wavy dark hair looking like a tattered and sweat-streaked cape as it ruffled behind her.

* * *

Back in the apartment she shared with Julie, Paige prowled back and forth across the living room floor, praying the memories wouldn't come, begging for the alcohol to take over before she remembered what it felt like- what _she_ felt like.

_Jesus. Fuck!_ Paige cursed at herself, the pain roaring through her heart, searing it as if it were a brushfire scorching its way across a plain. And just like so many wild animals caught in the flames, she couldn't outrun it; she could only submit and hope that her death would be quick tonight.

She guzzled what seemed like an endless stream of liquor from a bottle she'd carelessly pulled from the bar in the kitchen, and then she slumped into a heap on the carpet, knowing Julie would pick her up eventually and put her to bed.

* * *

After saying goodnight to Julie and Craig and scheduling a meeting with the whole band the next afternoon, Emily finally slumped onto the hotel bed at 11pm and picked up her phone.

Spencer picked up on the second ring. "How'd it go today? Did you get to meet everyone?"

"I didn't meet Carson, but I met the rest of them."

"What did you think? Do you know what target venues you want to try to book them at? What about the vibe?" Spencer pushed for details as she jotted notes on venue contracts in the Palo Alto area.

"Ugh. It's late. Can we wait till the morning when Hanna and Aria are there? I don't wanna go through this twice." The three-hour time difference meant that the girls likely weren't up. She had called Spencer because she rarely slept and Emily knew she would be waiting by the phone.

"Okay, Em. Call when you wake up. Try to get some sleep."

"You too."

* * *

The next morning, Aria, Hanna, and Spencer were gathered around the meeting room's speaker phone, listening to Emily explain the sordid details as they had happened the previous evening, starting with walking in on Paige.

"Holy crap, Em! That's the best thing I've heard in forever. What did you do? I can totally see you getting all freaked out. Unless the girl was hot. Was she hot? Do you totally get off on seeing that like guys do when they watch porn? Like voyeur creepster porn?"

"Hanna-" Emily began.

Aria immediately interjected, further cutting Hanna off, "I'm sorry, Em. That's not exactly ideal."

"Ideal?! Hardly. It was mortifying! And now I have to work with her. And she definitely doesn't like me." Emily rubbed her forehead worriedly, "You guys, I don't think I'm ready for all this. Something is seriously wrong with the band. It's like they are about to implode from pressure."

Spencer cut in delicately, at least on a Spencer scale of delicacy, "We need them, Emily. Everything hinges on signing them to a record label, which means we need you out there promoting them and booking shows. Think about it. We do this, and our clients here can piggyback on their success. We can book them as openers. You can handle it, Emily. You're the most likable girl I know."

As Emily voiced an uneasy assent, she could hear Hanna grumble in the background about being just as likable before she hung up.

Emily blew out a breath and ran a hand through her hair. This was going to be a very long trip.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**"****The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it." ― ****Woodrow Wilson**

She felt like she was choking. Or maybe drowning. Shit, had she been swimming? Did she lose her stroke count and end up hammering the wall with her head?

As Paige began to wake more, she tried desperately to take in lungfuls of air, sputtering on what was clearly water streaming through her hair, covering her face and leaving her trying to yank wet strands out of her mouth so that she didn't accidentally aspirate on them and die ignominiously.

She looked up through the curtain of hair and saw Julie standing over her with a now empty glass. "What the fuck, Julie? Are you trying to kill me?" Her voice was even more gravelly than normal, and she could barely get her tongue to move to make the correct sounds.

"Get up, asshole. I left you on the floor last night and went out with Carson because I refuse to clean up your puke again. Goddamn it, McCullers. If I didn't love you, I'd fucking hate you."

"Brilliant. Thanks for that." Paige moved to stand, got as far as her knees, and quickly crumpled again when nausea and an icepick behind her eye made themselves known. She grunted in pain, and Julie's resolve to be angry began to ebb.

"Come here, Paige. Let me help you." Julie dropped the glass on the carpet and moved forward to take care of her friend. She grabbed Paige under her arms and gently helped her to her feet, and then walked her back to her bedroom and deposited her on the bed. She put her hand on Paige's damp forehead, and looked down at her best friend.

"You're going to kill yourself one of these days," she said sadly.

"Right now, that would be just fine with me. I feel like I dunked myself in lighter fluid, and had someone throw a lit match on me. That didn't happen, did it?" Paige asked out of the corner of her mouth.

Julie shook her head. "We have a band meeting with our new manager at three at the _Haven _downtown. You need to be there, regardless of how you feel about her."

"I'll be there. Have I ever let you down?" Paige grimaced. "Wait. Don't answer that."

* * *

Emily stood in the mirror at her hotel, assessing her outfit to be sure that it said friendly yet firm, wise and yet open. Today she'd sit down with the whole band and plot out some venues and markets they should be going after. She frowned a little, her eyes squinting and one side of her mouth drawing down as she looked at her reflection. Maybe she should just go with something short.

She pulled off the gray skirt she had tried on and reached for a form-fitting peach dress. It would set off her complexion and draw attention to her without being overtly sexual. After yesterday, she didn't need anything reminding her of sex. As it was, she was afraid she'd take the image of Paige McCullers having her way with that groupie to her grave. Emily shook her head, still embarrassed by it all, and reached down to grab a pair of matching pumps. With one last flip of her raven hair, she turned around and walked out of the room.

* * *

When Paige walked in the room, she looked around and sighed. _Why me?_ she thought. She was the last one to the meeting; she could see that by the single empty chair left at their favorite table near the bar. It really wasn't a surprise given the monumental amount of effort it took to get out of bed, get showered, and put on a pair of torn jeans, some sort of rumpled t-shirt she was able to reach first, and a flannel with the sleeves ripped off. She felt exactly how she looked. Ripped and shredded.

As she glanced to the stunning blonde next to Craig, she saw them. Blueberry eyes that bored right back into her own, concern laced in each blink of the thick lashes.

She hated blueberries.

* * *

A month into the summer between her sophomore and junior year at Stanford, Paige was walking downtown in San Francisco, enjoying the breeze blowing on the coast that hadn't kicked up on campus. Her new band had a gig tonight that paid real money up front, and she'd decided to visit San Fran a little early for a reprieve from the stifling stillness that had settled in the valley. _Serendipity _was opening for a much better-known band called _Littlepools_, but that was okay with her. They had officially made it out of the coffee house scene, and now she and her friends would begin seeing the fruits of their labor. Backstage access was a luxury she couldn't otherwise afford as a college student on a swimming scholarship.

Paige slid behind a tall gentleman in line at a sidewalk cafe. When he paid for his order and moved out of the way, she began to speak before looking up. "I'd like a blueberry-" She faltered as she finally glanced at the girl waiting on her at the counter. "-eyes." She finished, blinking rapidly.

"You want blueberry eyes? Yeah, we're fresh out of them." The young girl grinned. She had waves upon waves of blonde hair in every color of gold and yellow and nearly white. The face her hair framed- high cheekbones, full lips, a perfect nose- It knocked the wind out of Paige. But what really made her breathless was the girl's blue eyes- the exact color of her favorite berry.

_This is gonna be a good day_, Paige thought as she winked at the girl and flashed a flirtatious grin, glad that her luck was still holding.

* * *

Carrie. Her beautiful dream, her wonderful tormentor. Paige almost buckled with the effort it took to look away, and Carrie made an instinctive move to get up, to go to Paige, but a gentle hand from Craig on her leg kept her in her place. Paige was in no state to have a civil conversation, and after two years and several beer bottles thrown at him, Craig knew it was best to avoid any contact between Paige and Carrie until Paige could bury the demons back down inside her.

Emily watched the subtle tableau play out among the band members, transfixed by the look on Paige's face before she turned around, went to the bar, and ordered a drink. Emily could feel the dread grow inside her. This was that unnamable force pushing down on the band, threatening its members', and her own, future.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"**It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him." - J.R.R. Tolkien**

Paige came to the table and sat in the chair between Carson and Emily, slumping a little as she sipped on the cheap whiskey she had in her hand.

Carson, the softest hearted and most sensitive member of their band, put a coaster down in front of Paige and squeezed her shoulder. She looked at him, his gentle eyes behind the glare of his black horn-rimmed glasses, and she undestood why Julie loved him. He had everything Julie lacked in the personality department. He was smooth where she was rough. He was tactful where she was brusque. He was her perfect foil. The poor guy just didn't have a clue._ How the fuck does a girl get friend-zoned by a guy?_ Paige wondered, not for the first time.

Emily glanced to Paige before addressing the whole group. "What I'd like to accomplish today is to go over the direction we're going to move the band in. Carrie has done an amazing job getting you here, and of course your talent doesn't hurt, but I'm going to get you to the next level. We want a record deal with one of the big three labels, radio airplay, and a major tour. That means a lot of hard work and long hours. It will be grueling and exhausting, but if you trust me, you'll be a household name."

Craig and Carrie looked at each other before nodding at Emily. Julie grinned wide and grabbed Carson's hand. Paige continued to sulk and sip her whiskey. Emily swore she heard a low rumbling growl from the girl next to her, but didn't acknowledge it.

"Okay, if we're all ready, I'd like to show you the new logo, go over the schedule for recording demos of your best tracks, and some new concert dates a little further from home that will accommodate larger crowds."

Paige interrupted Emily this time, unable to hide her distaste. "And what will you be doing while we work our asses off? Other than taking your cut."

Emily was prepared for Paige today. "I convince the concert halls to take you. I negotiate the contracts. I promote you so that people know about and want to come to the shows. I make sure your equipment arrives safely. I make sure you have transportation and accommodations and security. I knock on doors and make phone calls all day long while you sleep off your hangover. I ensure the girls you take backstage make it home safely." Emily said that last part while looking directly at Paige, and Julie couldn't quite hide her laugh behind a fake cough.

Paige stood up suddenly, a wave of dizziness making her slam both her hands down on the table to keep from falling over. The last remnants of ice in her drink rattled loudly on the table against the sudden silence. She squeezed her eyes shut until she could fully stand again. She could feel Carrie's eyes on her and knew she needed to leave. The rage Paige felt at looking weak in front of Carrie was climbing to its feet inside her, like waking a great sleeping dragon, full of smoldering heat and banked fires.

"Well then," Paige growled when she felt she could speak again, "I'll leave you to it. I've got other shit I need to do." She turned to Julie and said quietly, "Let me know where I need to be and when."

Julie nodded and watched as Paige stumbled a little bit as she put on her Wayfarers and walked out of the bar into the glaring sunlight of the afternoon.

Emily cleared her throat to regain the group's attention and pulled out some files and marketing material Aria had sent her with.

"Now if you look at this, what we've done is..."

* * *

"It's good."

Emily glanced up to see Julie standing next to her at the table. She was packing up her things as the band dispersed from the meeting. "I'm glad you think so. I'm here to make sure we all succeed."

"She'll be there. Every day. She'll do everything you ask. She'll go every place you send her. She'll give everything she has. Everything." Julie said that last bit with a conviction that surprised Emily.

"I'm counting on that," Emily replied, although quietly doubting that Paige would be as trustworthy as Julie assured. Julie nodded and moved to catch up with Carson, who was leaning on the bar waiting for her, his lanky form making him seem impossibly cartoonish.

As Emily stood to leave, she saw Craig and Carrie talking animatedly near the door. When she smiled and walked past them, they quickly stopped talking and Craig's answering smile said that whatever they were discussing was not good news. The dread Emily felt welling up earlier started to build again.

* * *

Two days later, Emily walked to the Frost Amphitheatre on the Stanford campus. Even though Emily hadn't set the concert up herself, it being one of Carrie's efforts, she was impressed with the crowd. Of course, _Serendipity_ was once a college band, so they had a lot of built in fans here. She'd missed them play at the beginning of week, only flying in to catch them after the concert, so this was her first opportunity to see them live. She hoped they were as good as Hanna claimed.

The band's gear was set up on the stage in the field, and two security guards were standing next to the equipment. Emily frowned. This was a big crowd, and the two men were the only barrier between the throngs of people and her clients. She'd need to beef this up next time.

She checked her watch and glanced behind the screen where the band and a few of their friends were milling around. Still no Paige. The rest of the members didn't seem concerned, so Emily squelched her desire to call Paige and waited it out with the rest of them.

Craig was the first to walk out, and the cheers of the crowd started immediately. He waived his sticks at them and sat down at his set, beginning a slow staccato with his snare and bass. Next was Julie, who bounced on stage, stuck her tongue out in an imitation of KISS, and threw her fingers up in the classic "metal" sign. The crowds' energy increased tenfold, and Emily faintly heard a few marriage proposals yelled out to Julie. When Carson quickly walked out and picked up his guitar, smiling and imperceptibly nodding to the crowd. The band began playing in earnest. Emily had heard the song from the bootleg Hanna dug up. It was called "Shock and Awe" and it was riotous in intensity.

Suddenly Emily understood why Paige hadn't made it back yet as the crowd reached a crescendo off to her left side. When the noise caught her attention, she looked over and saw Paige in black combat boots, skin tight black jeans, and a white wife beater that hugged every muscle and curve on her torso. She was back in her heavy black eye makeup, and her hair wrapped wildly around her shoulders as she pushed through the people and began to sing into a microphone. For Emily, it was like watching a tiger emerge from the jungle, glorious, beautiful, and oh-so deadly.

Hanna was right. This band was headed for stardom, and Paige was Atlas, on whose shoulders their world would rest.

* * *

"How quickly can you get on a flight back to Rosewood?"

Emily took Spencer's call while waiting at The Fillmore in San Francisco, hoping to iron out the final details for _Serendipity's_ upcoming concert. It had been a week of long hours and countless phone calls, but she was filling up their schedule and making headway. At that moment, the band was in a studio back in Palo Alto recording a demo.

"Spencer, you just finished telling me at the beginning of the week that you wanted my efforts here."

"I know. I know. But Hanna and I aren't having any luck trying to get _Crash_ on the morning show here."

Emily sighed. _Crash_ was an acoustic band whose members were in college at Hollis. "That's because Rick doesn't believe in showering, and no one wants to be near him."

"Right. And Hanna thinks we can just douse him with cologne. I need you to do your glamorous schmoozing thing and get the morning manager to agree to let them come on the show."

Emily sucked at telling Spencer no. "Okay. I'll wrap things up here now and let everyone know I will be out of town for a couple of days."

Emily hung up the phone a few minutes later and began making phone calls to the band and the airline. It would be nice to sleep in her own bed for a night or two.

* * *

After taking a red eye back to Rosewood, Emily had showered and gone straight to brunch with the manager of the WRPA morning show. She had to use her full watt smile, and agree that the band could stay on a stage downwind of the morning anchors, but the man had finally agreed to book _Crash_.

Success felt pretty good, and Emily looked forward to doing a little crash herself, right into her own bed. She leaned against the counter in her kitchen and reached down to pull off her high heel, groaning as the exhaustion began to seep into her bones. As she stepped out of her other high heel, her phone rang. She glanced over to it where it rested on the counter and frowned at the name that came up.

She answered it quickly. "Craig? What's up?"

"Emily. God, I'm sorry to call you like this, but-" He hesitated a moment.

Emily was instantly on alert. "What is it?"

"Paige is missing."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"**Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated." -Alphonse de Lamartine**

"She can't be missing. She was in a recording studio with you," Emily paused to look at her watch, "twenty hours ago. I haven't even gone to bed yet, Craig." As she said it, she felt the mist of exhaustion slowly creep into her lungs and under her eyelids. "Where was she last?"

"Well, she was at the Haven with Carrie-"

Suddenly there was a rustling on the other end if the line and what sounded like a struggle. "She's gone. Carrie is a fuckface, and Paige is gone." It was Julie's impatient voice and colorful language on the line now.

"People have to be missing twenty-four hours before you can even file a police report. Let's just all relax and tell me what happened." Emily sighed wearily. She hadn't slept, and her bed was losing its place in her future. She wanted to sob.

* * *

Paige sat wearily, propped up by crossed arms resting on her favorite table in the Haven. Her forearms stuck to it because the bar owner refused to buy real cleaner, and he kept using the same dirty dishtowel all day. By the time the lunch crowd dissipated, the grunge from all the tables had melded into a sticky substance that was then periodically rubbed back onto the tables. Now that it was night, the sludge was at its most potent.

Her throat felt scratchy, and when she ordered a whiskey, her voice came out rougher than normal. She'd need a few days off after the recording session to rest it and recover for their next show, but the demo they cut sounded great. Paige begrudgingly admitted that Emily had chosen a good studio with knowledgeable sound engineers. In another life, Paige might have gotten along with Emily. _She's smart, attractive- hell, who am I kidding? Emily is a fucking knockout. And she has her shit together_, Paige thought, the slightest smile pulling up one side of her mouth.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

The voice caught Paige off guard and instantly her grin disappeared. "It doesn't matter," she whispered, looking up at Carrie, who was standing next to her.

Carrie reached out and put a hand on Paige's shoulder, "Can we talk?"

The heat from Carrie's hand felt like a healing balm and a bruising punch all at the same time. "I'd rather not."

"I know, but I need to talk to you." Carrie sat down, her hand never leaving Paige's shoulder, her other hand coming up to Paige's chin, lifting it and pulling it toward her. "You look like I'm torturing you."

Paige's laugh came out more like a growl. "It hurts to talk to you, Carrie."

"Baby-"

"Don't, Carrie. Fucking don't."

"I'm pregnant."

The tear inside Paige was so great and catastrophic that she could feel the blood gushing through her body, roiling in her stomach and weighing down her extremities. The sudden rend in her heart was mortal, and she ripped herself away from Carrie's hands so that she could die alone, as all wounded animals are wont to do.

"Paige, please. Please be happy for us. This is the right time. If everything Emily says is true, the band will be able to support us."

The blood continued to rush through Paige, muffling her hearing. It must have made her stand up and walk out because suddenly that's what she was doing, and she didn't remember thinking about it. There must have been blood running from her eyes because her cheeks were wet and the street looked like a poorly restored old movie, choppy and blurry.

Then she was running down a darkened street, then through an alley between two wet and mossy building walls, and then further still. The roar of blood coursing through her drowned out sound and sight and smell and taste. But she could feel, feel everything so acutely, and it made her wish for death.

_Jesus_. It was the only word Paige could think.

* * *

"They got in an argument at the bar last night at about ten o'clock, and Paige ran out. Like, as in, track star ran out," Julie related. "And no one has seen or heard from Paige since."

Emily rubbed her forehead. That didn't sound _so_ bad. "Okay, where does she go when she's upset?"

"The Haven," Julie responded.

"Where else?"

"Home. And before you ask, that's where Craig and I are right now. Carson is out wandering the streets near the Haven like a fucktard, calling her name like she's a fucking lost dog, but it's better than nothing."

"Where is Carrie? Maybe they made up and are somewhere together."

"She oughtta be in a shithole a mile deep, but she's scouting out a few places she thinks Paige might be." Julie's tone changed suddenly, "Listen Emily, Paige and I have an understanding. I let her do dumb shit, and she always answers my calls and texts. Always. And I can't get her to pick up her phone or respond."

Julie's worry was real, and it was intense. She wasn't mad. She wasn't frustrated. She was scared. And once Emily realized that, she reached down to put her shoes back on. Sleep would have to wait.

"Julie, I'm going to hang up so I can go get on a plane. Call the hospitals and the police if you haven't yet. I'm coming. And keep me posted if you find her."

* * *

Emily walked briskly through the airport, her heels clicking loudly against the tiled floor. She'd barely had enough time to throw some clean clothes in her luggage before she had to rush to catch her plane. Julie had called twice more, once to say that Carrie came back empty handed from her search and the local hospitals and police stations didn't have Paige, and the second time to ask when to expect Emily.

Then Emily had called her friends to let them know what was happening and that she was racing back to California on an afternoon flight.

"Holy crap, Emily. You have to find her. She's like, the whole reason we want that band."

"I know, Hanna," Emily replied, irritated from lack of sleep and worry. "That's why I'm going back."

Aria was more supportive, "You'll find her, Emily. Call us if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks. I'll call when I get there. I miss you guys." Emily hung up the phone, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. Her normally bright eyes were red and scratchy, and she was sure her dress was rumpled, but she couldn't think of that now. She boarded the plane and sat down, praying she could nap for a few hours before the grueling night ahead of her.

* * *

Emily was cold and wet, the rain pounding the sidewalk she was walking on, soaking into her skin and making her journey miserable.

It was dark out, the street lamps on but barely illuminating the path through the rain, and lightning crackled in the hills in the distance.

When she arrived at Julie's apartment a few hours ago, they all agreed to split up to look for Paige, and Emily agreed to head towards San Francisco. Halfway there in her rental car, Julie called and excitedly told her that a friend had seen Paige late last night at a bar on Jones street. Emily was headed there now after finally finding a place to park, no small feat on a busy and rainy night like tonight.

When she got there, the bar was crowded, handfuls of trendy people drinking handmade cocktails and taking in its speakeasy decor. Emily, bedraggled and out of place, walked up to the doorman and asked if he knew Paige McCullers.

"Paige? Yeah, she's the lead singer of _Serendipity_. She was here last night, totally out of her mind. She takes the whole sex, drugs, and rock and roll to a whole new level." He sounded admiring as he spoke.

"Do you happen to know where she went? Or who she might have left with?" Emily didn't want this to be a dead end. She didn't have much energy remaining to keep up her search.

"Nah, she left alone, but she can't have gotten far. She could barely stand." He stopped for a moment, and then added, "You know? Check behind the bar over there. I've actually found her sleeping under the fire escape before."

Emily quickly turned and rounded the side of the building to where he had pointed her. It was almost completely black in the tiny alley, but as lightning cracked in the sky, Emily could make out a red shirt. She hurried over and knelt down next to the figure there.

Paige was unmoving, the shirt plastered to her soaked body as if it were blood seeping from an open wound. Her hair covered her face, and Emily gently moved it aside, touching Paige's cold cheek.

"Paige? Paige!?"

Emily began running her hands over Paige's torso, trying to feel for a heartbeat or some other type of movement because she couldn't see well enough through the darkness and the storm and her panic was rising. She leaned down further, her face only inches from Paige's own. Blessfully, the muscles under her hands bunched, and Paige began to stir.

Paige opened her eyes, feeling warm hands cradle and caress her sides, seeing the outline of an exotic beauty kneeling above her. Light and thunder crashed overhead, and suddenly she saw Emily's worried expression a breath away, the rain running down in rivulets across her cheeks, down her nose, over her full lips, clinging to her eyelashes- water accentuating every porcelain feature. A benevolent Lady of the Lake coming to save her.

Paige couldn't help it. She reached out and cupped Emily's cheek, needing to touch it to prove that beauty like this, caring like this, could really still exist in the brutal world.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**"Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it." - Hunter S. Thompson**

Emily allowed the intimate contact, thankful that she found Paige alive and responsive. "Paige, can you stand?"

Paige's eyes closed, and she concentrated on moving her legs. They seemed to be working. _Where the fuck am I? _She sat up with Emily supporting her back, and then drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She was sodden and covered in dirt and gravel, and a relentless painful drum was rapping at both temples. She was immediately miserable and thought about lying back down. _Hangovers suck._

"We need to get you up and to the car. I need you to walk with me. Can you do that?"

Paige didn't say anything, instead gritting her teeth and shakily making her way to her feet. Emily took Paige's arm and wrapped it around her neck, and then, holding Paige by the waist, she began directing them back to the car.

Paige stumbled a few times as her legs gave out, but they made it back to Emily's parking spot. Opening the passenger door, Emily helped Paige into the seat and then buckled her in before walking around and sliding into the driver's seat. She wiped the rain off her face and looked over at Paige, whose eyes were shut tightly, and sighed before picking up her phone from the console and dialing a number.

"Julie? Yes, I found her... Yes, we're in the car now... It was dumb luck actually. I'll tell you about it when we get there." Emily hung up and put the car in drive.

* * *

When Emily finally returned to Paige and Julie's apartment, Craig had already made a judicious exit. Carson and Julie helped get Paige cleaned up and in her bed while Emily sat on the couch in their living room, a towel wrapped around her shoulders, trying desperately not to fall asleep. Just as she felt herself beginning to lose the battle with exhaustion, Julie walked in and sat quietly on the couch, leaning back against it and rubbing her face in both hands.

"Carson is on Paige duty. You can go get some rest."

Emily turned fully to Julie. "Does this happen a lot?"

Julie chuckled humorlessly, "Getting drunk or disappearing?"

"Both I guess."

"Paige doesn't disappear. She actually gets herself home most of the time. But- there's a lot on Paige. And she medicates herself. It's just- there's so much. She can't always handle it."

"So Paige and Carrie-"

Julie cut Emily off immediately. "I'm not getting into that with you. We take care of it."

Emily stared hard at Julie. "You mean like tonight? If I hadn't seen her, hadn't been _very _lucky, who knows what would have happened?"

"It's not your problem."

Emily stood up angrily. "Yes it is. Now it is. It's _all_ of our problem."

* * *

"You're going to need to babysit her."

"No way." Emily was back in her hotel. She'd finally fallen asleep after peeling off her cold and damp clothes, but awoke too early the next morning to the phone ringing on the nightstand by her head. Groggily, she reached for it. It was Spencer, eager to know what had happened last night, and when Emily finished explaining the events of the previous night, Spencer went into Bossy Spencer mode. It was Emily's least favorite version of her friend. "She doesn't like me, Spencer."

"You just basically saved her life. She ought to be grateful. But she's our star, and if we lose her, we're all in trouble. _Crash_ and stinky Rick aren't exactly mega arena material."

"I hate this hotel," Emily whined.

"We'll get you an apartment there. With the money we will take in from the upfront venue contracts and ticket sales- _if Paige makes the appearances- _it's worth the expense. Just follow her. Keep her in line. Or alive at least."

"What about my clients in Rosewood?"

"Aria and Hanna can handle them."

"I hate this job."

"'No you don't. You love it. And you're good at it. And you're really pretty."

"Don't push it, Spence. I'm going to go back to sleep. Find me an apartment, and ship me some of my clothes." Emily tossed the phone back on the nightstand, and then she flopped back down and covered her face with her pillow so that she could muffle her frustrated scream.

* * *

"Is she up to the concert tonight?"

"How the fuck should I know? She's never drowned in an alley after a fuckface broke her heart."

"We shouldn't push her. What do you think would happen if we canceled?"

"We're contractually obligated to be there. They could go after us financially. Plus, Emily would be really fucking pissed. She was already mad last night."

Paige walked out of the hall, naked and groggy. "I'll be there."

Julie and Carson both turned to her from their places at the kitchen table, coffees in mid-air, their conversation dying at the intruder's entrance.

Julie stood up, flipping her long brown ponytail behind her and pulling at her boxer shorts as she made her way to the cabinet. She reached up to a high shelf, at least high for her small stature, and pulled a pill bottle down. Then she poured a cup of coffee and walked over and handed both to Paige. "You look like a shitshow."

Paige rumbled menacingly in answer as she tossed a few pills in her mouth and washed them down with the coffee. "I'm going back to bed." She turned around with her mug in hand and headed back down the hall towards her room.

Julie sighed and looked pointedly at Carson. Performances when Paige was like this were always tempestuous.

* * *

"You need more security. What if something happens?" Later that night, Emily was standing toe-to-toe with Paige in the wings at Underground Bluz. It was a club in San Mateo that converted to a concert stage that could hold about 500 concert goers. From the sound of the cheers, it was at capacity.

"I'm not gonna stand up here behind a wall of dudes. That's not what our fans come for. They need to be able to reach out and touch us if they want to." Paige's hackles rose at Emily's suggestion. _Serendipity _was nothing without an audience, and the audience members wanted to be close to the band so they could feel like a part of the energy. Paige understood that, and she intended to keep giving it to them.

Emily frowned, "That's what I'm afraid of. It could go bad very quickly."

Paige snapped back, "We've done this before. We're fine."

"But-"

"We're fine. Jesus fucking Christ."

Emily closed her mouth and backed away. It wouldn't do to get into a shouting match with the singer right before the band went on stage, so instead she moved to the side, watching worriedly as Carson, Craig, and Julie made their way on the stage to deafening applause.

The band began playing a song that Emily thought she knew, yet couldn't quite pinpoint. The audience seemed to know it, however, and they began cheering wildly. It wasn't on the set list the band had given her, and an alarm went off in her head.

Paige walked onto the stage as she began to sing. She was dressed in shadowy black from head to toe, again in tight jeans and untied black boots, her shirt a tank top that was torn on her abdomen, exposing the tight and defined muscles there, that slash of flesh the only thing that broke up the broad stroke of darkness on her form.

_Last night a little dancer came dancin' to my door  
__Last night a little angel came pumping on the floor  
__She said "Come on baby I got a license for love  
__And if it expires pray help from above"  
__Because-_

The lyrics to Billy Idol's _Rebel Yell _sent the crowd into hysterics. Emily could see phones held high and camera flashes that rivaled the stage's lighting equipment strobes. Paige simply stood in place, but it was as if a black storm cloud was on the stage in her stead, swirling and captivating its viewers as they marveled at its beauty, all the while knowing it was readying itself to rain its fury on their heads.

As the song crescendoed, Paige leapt on a large speaker that was off the stage, right in the midst of the front row of the crowd, and she lifted her fist in tribute to the song's originator.

_In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"  
__With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"  
__In the midnight hour babe- "more, more, more"  
__With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"  
__More, more, more."_

Then Paige turned around, shot a feral glare at Emily standing in the wings, and stepped down into the audience.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"**Rebellion cannot exist without the feeling that somewhere, in some way, you are justified." - Albert Camus**

Emily fought the urge to run out on the stage and prevent Paige from acting so foolishly. Instead, she watched impotently as Paige wound her way through the crowd, head thrown back and microphone and fist held high as she sang.

The spotlight followed her journey while Paige walked further and further into the midst of her adoring fans. They parted just enough to let her through, excitedly taking pictures and touching her as she went; their defiant and sinister queen driving through their masses like a panther parting the tall grass in the night.

As the band began playing the instrumental break, a faster and heavier version of the original song, the spotlight lost Paige, its light flashing around, touching on heads in the crowd in great swoops. Emily felt her heart race and glanced at the security guards, who frustratingly seemed intent on standing still, content in making no move to find the lead singer. This is exactly what she had been afraid of. She started to move around the wings, determined to force the oafs out into the audience to help Paige, when the spotlight alit on her again. She was standing on the sound board table at the back of the audience. Her tank top had been ripped wide open from ribcage to navel, the muscles only hinted at before now revealed fully, flexing in stark relief as she breathed, but she looked otherwise unscathed. The crowd turned around to watch her and cheered even louder, mesmerized by her dark allure as she finished the song.

Emily couldn't help it; she drank in the sight of Paige standing heroically across the room, her white teeth glinting and her body taught. It contrasted so sharply with the image of Paige limp and dirty in the rain-soaked alley. As Emily watched, Paige's eyes levelled on her, defiance clearly written in them before Paige jumped down and made her way back to the stage to finish the show.

* * *

Emily stood backstage, angry at Paige and at herself for not simply forcing the security issue. There could have been a riot. The place was too small and too confined to make a mistake like that again.

She looked at the singer, who was still glistening with sweat. "You have to be more careful."

"Don't ever tell me how to perform again." Paige glared back dangerously.

Emily stood her ground. "I'm your manager. My job is to keep you safe, and I can't do that if you jump into a crowd of people. You could have been seriously hurt, and I wouldn't have been able to stop it."

Paige continued to scowl at Emily, and Emily crossed her arms and stared right back.

"Well shit, what happens if one of you blinks first?" Julie said as she walked up to them, trying to diffuse whatever argument they seemed to be in. When Paige turned her scowl on Julie, she pushed Paige in the chest. "Don't give me that look. I don't give a flying fuck." Then she walked right between the two of them to the dressing room.

Paige took the opportunity to turn on her heel and head towards the exit. She barged through the doors at the back of the club, making her way quickly into the night towards the parking lot, realizing too late that Emily was trying to keep up in high heels and her tight lavender dress. "You're not coming with me." Paige threw the words over her shoulder as she angrily opened her car door and tossed her duffle bag into it.

"I am." Emily stopped next to Paige, running a hand through her long inky tresses and then tugging her dress back down her legs. Her tone was final, though she felt anything but confident. She really didn't want to be traipsing around in the middle of the night while Paige did- well, whatever it was that Paige did.

"I don't need a goddamn babysitter."

"What if I hadn't found you last night? You could barely walk." Emily saw a ferocious glower make its way onto Paige's face, and she quickly changed tactics, softening her tone. "The band needs you."

"I know."

"Alive."

"I know."

"Conscious."

"I fucking _know_." Paige said that last word as a quiet hiss, the sudden break in her anger revealing what? Shame? Guilt? Emily couldn't be sure but she pressed her advantage.

"I'm coming with you."

"Fine. Get in the car." Paige dropped into the seat and slammed the door, inserting the key and bringing the car roaring to life. Emily hurried to the passenger side, silently praying that this wouldn't be a colossal mistake.

* * *

Late into the night, Emily was sitting at the bar, nursing a drink by herself. She could see Paige in a booth towards the rear of the building, a drink in one hand and a young blonde in the other. Paige was still wearing the clothes she performed in, and the blonde's hand was caressing her exposed stomach as Paige bent to whisper something that made the girl nod enthusiastically. Emily turned away from them, unwilling to watch the seduction play out.

"Can I get you a drink?"

A loud whisper was suddenly in her ear, and a strong scent of cinnamon gum mixed with beer wafted into her nose. Emily couldn't control her grimace, and she immediately shifted away before turning toward the voice.

He was much older than she, and his hairline had receded enough to give him a large forehead. His elbows were propped on the bar, and he held a half empty glass of beer in one hand while he flipped a cardboard coaster with the other.

She hated hurting anyone's feelings so she smiled politely, but declined, saying, "I'm fine, but I appreciate the offer."

"You sure? You look a little bored." He put his arm on the back of her chair and leaned into her personal space.

She pulled back as far as she was able, and affirmed again, "I'm fine, really."

"Yes you are." He grinned at the joke and leaned closer still, his lips brushing her hair.

She moved to push him away so that she could stand up, but someone yanked him back before she could do it herself.

"Back off," Paige's gravelly voice originated from somewhere behind him. To Emily, she sounded impossibly more hostile than normal.

The man put up his hands and moved away, "Whoa, no harm intended. I just wanted to buy her a drink."

Paige grabbed Emily's hand, and helped her to her feet. "I'm sure." Paige said curtly before pulling Emily towards the door of the bar.

After they made it outside, Emily took her hand out of Paige's firm grip. Paige stopped and turned around, huffing and looking impatient.

"You didn't need to do that, you know. It wasn't a big deal." Emily was slightly embarrassed at being a part of a scene, and she sounded ungrateful and a little childish to her own ears.

Paige took a deep breath and expelled it. "I'm not gonna be responsible for you getting mauled. I've got enough responsibilities on my head as it is." The words were low, laden with unspoken meaning, but Emily didn't push her and instead followed her as she turned and headed to the car.

Paige was such a labyrinth of emotions that Emily didn't know what to make of her. She'd seen her look at Carrie with absolute devotion, she'd seen surprised wonder in her eyes when she'd awoken her in the rain, and of course, she'd seen Paige rebel and act so savagely that it astonished Emily. And now this quiet despondency.

As they drove away, she glanced over at Paige's profile. Who was this girl really?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"**The price of greatness is responsibility." - Winston Churchill**

Emily caught her reflection in the mirror above the desk in her hotel room and frowned. She wasn't getting enough sleep, and her eyes looked tired and puffy. Hanna had called early in the morning, forgetting the time difference, and woken her up long before she was ready after being out so late last night. Emily blearily fumbled with the small coffee machine on the desk while Hanna spoke into her ear.

"_Serendipity_ is blowing up on YouTube, and Paige is like, so hot! She's officially my girl crush. After you, of course," Hanna quickly added.

"Did Aria start a YouTube campaign?" Emily frowned again. She was surprised Aria would do that without telling her about it first, but then again, she'd spent so much time chasing Paige that she hadn't had a chance to really talk to her friends in the past couple of days.

"No, it's some phone video from their concert last night. Paige is standing on a table, and she's got a ripped shirt on. Way hot. It's at a hundred thousand views right now. You _have _to see it!"

Emily didn't need to see the video. She could close her eyes and picture the moment crisply in her mind. "I was there, Hanna, I remember it. But call Spencer and Aria if you haven't. They'll want to know." If what Hanna was saying was true, Emily would be busy today working on promotions while the video was trending. It would be another long day. She sighed out loud.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hanna was still on the phone, her previous excitement replaced with concern.

"I'm fine."

"Do you need me to come there? Because I totally will."

"No. I need you to stay in Rosewood and take care of our bands. If this doesn't work out, I don't want us left with nothing."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hanna said, confused by Emily's pessimism.

"Nothing. It's just- Nothing. It's fine. I'll make this work."

Emily hung up the phone, and sat down on the edge of the bed, grabbing her pillow and hugging it tightly. She couldn't help but be anxious. Paige was a loose cannon, and Emily was desperately praying that she didn't blow a hole through the side of their ship.

* * *

Spencer had been next to call Emily after Hanna broke the news of their client's successful video.

"I found an apartment that does month-to-month leases for business travelers, it's right in the middle of the valley, and it's move-in ready. There's even a balcony."

"Okay."

"Boy, contain your enthusiasm," Spencer quipped, "Hanna was right. You sound terrible. I just told you I'm getting you out of that hotel, and you don't seem to care. What's wrong?"

"I spent last night fighting with Paige about security, and then watching as she _deliberately _walked into a big audience all alone. And then I had to sit in a bar, basically by myself and get hit on, while she picked up a girl. I'm _tired_." Emily walked into the bathroom, pulling off the long shirt she slept in and turning on the shower.

Spencer softened her tone into one of cajoling. "Em, you're doing great. This video is going to make it so much easier to get them a really good record deal. I just need you to hang on and keep her out of trouble."

"I will. And thanks, Spence. I'm sure the apartment will be great." She hung up the phone, dropped it on the counter, and stepped into the shower, wondering if there was enough water in the world to wash away her vexation with Paige McCullers.

* * *

Three days later, Emily was waiting for the band members to arrive at a San Francisco radio station for a spot on its morning show. The past few days had been blissfully quiet; the band hadn't had any scheduled shows and, according to Julie's crude explanation, Paige had been "fucking her cares away with some skank," which left Emily free to concentrate on capitalizing on their viral YouTube video, as well as make herself at home in her new apartment.

Emily looked up to see Julie, Paige, and Carson all walk in at the same time. Julie had her hair up and was wearing a Stanford sweatshirt and cutoff shorts, apparently unable to decide if she was hot or cold. Paige looked like Paige in her ripped jeans and plain white muscle t-shirt, and Carson wore corduroys and a plaid button down. Emily thought back to something Aria said when she had seen pictures of them. She had commented on how much she liked that they all had such different individual style, which made it easier to market them because each member appealed to different personalities. Emily briefly wondered what personality the surly lead singer would appeal to. Dumb, young, and blonde wasn't exactly a type on the Myers Briggs scale.

When Craig and Carrie walked in together, the room stilled, as if their appearance had caused a brownout of all voices and movement. "I'm sorry," Craig began, knowing how precarious this situation was. "We have a doctor's appointment after this," he said by way of explanation for Carrie's presence.

Emily looked over at Paige. Her expression was stony, but she didn't say anything. Emily supposed they'd made some sort of peace over whatever happened, but then she heard Julie mutter "fuckface." So maybe not.

Trying to break the tension in the room, Emily began rattling off advice. "Go in there and be charming. Talk about how great your fans are. Make sure to mention your concert date at the Fillmore, and try not to use bad words." She finished just as a tech walked into the room, beckoning everyone to follow him to the Live room.

Everyone looked at Julie, and she said plaintively as they walked out together, "Fuck you guys. Paige cusses a lot too."

On the way, Emily and Carrie were deposited in a waiting area so they could hear the broadcast, and as soon as they were alone Carrie turned to Emily, saying bluntly, "I'm pregnant. That's why we're going to the doctor."

"Oh. Congratulations." Emily wasn't sure if she should be happy or sympathetic, so she chose a cautiously optimistic tone.

"Thanks. It was a little surprising, but it's good. With everything that's happening, this is just another bonus."

Emily looked questioningly at Carrie, wondering why she was mentioning the pregnancy. Did she want Emily to do something for her? "You know, Craig will need to travel a lot. Does this mean you will be coming with him?" Emily started ticking off the potential hurdles she'd have to leap if Carrie needed special accommodations.

"No. I'm staying put. I think that-" Carrie stopped, shrugged, and then started again, "I think Paige and I need a little distance right now."

Emily nodded wordlessly. She wondered again what the history was with the two girls, but she didn't pry because from the sound of things, it was messy, and she didn't know if she could handle any more of Paige's messes.

They sat for the rest of time in companionable silence, listening to the deejays ask the band members questions. Craig and Julie answered most of them, and Emily winced as they had to bleep Julie twice. Then again, it had only been twice, which was pretty good for Julie.

"All the lines are busy! You guys are really popular! Let's take a couple of phone calls before we let the band go. Hi Jim, you're on the air. What do you want to ask the members of _Serendipity_?" The oily voiced deejay had perfected the art of sounding like he cared, and the caller went for the most salacious question he was likely allowed to ask.

"What could I do to get a date with Paige McCullers?"

Everyone on air chuckled politely, and the deejay goaded Paige into answering. "So? What does it take to get a date with you, Paige- assuming you're single?"

"Well, buying me a drink always helps… and so does being a girl." Emily could hear the now familiar husk in Paige's voice as she answered, and an image of Paige tangled up with the groupie flashed unbidden into her head.

"Whoa! Too bad Jim. Sounds like this one is for the ladies. Let's see... We have time for one more. Garth, you're up. What's your question?"

A young man's voice spoke, "I'm in college, and I just wondered if anyone in the band got a degree. And if so, do you think it was worth it now that you're famous?"

Julie abruptly answered, preventing anyone from talking first, "College is really important. Stay in school. You'll never regret it."

"Well, folks, that's all we have time for. We'd like to thank the band for coming on the show, and remember to catch them at the Fillmore this weekend."

Emily stood up and walked out of the room, meeting up with the band as they left the recording room. "You guys did great!" she enthused.

Just then Paige shouldered Craig aside and walked brusquely towards the building's exit. Emily's stomach flipped when she saw the storm brewing in Paige's countenance. Something was wrong, again, and that meant she'd be chasing Paige around, again. Dammit! She thought things had gone so well. What happened?

Emily turned to follow Paige, intent to keep her in sight, but Julie grabbed her arm and swung her around. "Let her go. I know you gotta do whatever manager shit you do, but give her an hour or two alone. I know where she's going. Let's go have some brunch and then you can go do your bodyguard crap."

Emily bit her lip. If Paige disappeared again, Spencer would go nuts, but Emily trusted Julie's judgment. She seemed to be the only one who could handle Paige, and if Julie said to give her a break, Emily would give her a break. At least a little one.

* * *

The water sluiced over her body as she pulled in steady, even strokes. The pool in the Stanford gym was empty except for Paige. Her rhythmic splashing was the only noise inside the large area, and it bounced eerily and hollowly against the walls.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._ The old mantra came easily to Paige. She once thought that she'd be an old woman in a nursing home and still dream of those meditative words she had used to become a champion. _Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe. _As she came to the wall and stopped, she heard a new sound, loud shoes clacking on the deck signaling she was no longer alone. She pulled her goggles off and looked toward the entrance. Emily, in her perfectly pressed floral print dress and carefully matched shoes looked completely out of place in the gym, and she was walking toward her, slowing as she realized Paige had noticed her arrival.

"Jesus. I'm not gonna fucking drown myself," Paige said, shaking her head and throwing her goggles out of the pool before pulling herself out.

Emily was struck with how innocent Paige looked as she grabbed a towel- hair slicked back, makeup-less, black bathing suit clinging to her muscular frame. She looked like a wholesome college athlete. Emily chose to ignore the comment and crossed her arms in front of her. "So you're a swimmer?"

"I used to be." Paige wiped her face off before sitting down on one of the starting blocks. She seemed different. More approachable, and less caustic. Maybe it was the exercise.

"Okay," Emily allowed, "if you aren't a swimmer, and that wasn't swimming, what are you doing here?"

"Trying to pretend that I'm normal again."

Shocked by the honesty in the words, Emily couldn't help but ask, "If you hate what you're doing so much, why do you do it?"

"I don't have a choice."

* * *

"I have never loved you more than I do right now." Paige was lying next to Carrie on the green room couch after the concert. They were sweaty and naked and tightly wound together.

Carrie smiled absently. "Oh yeah? Why is that?" Her smile didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Because that concert was incredible! Did you see that crowd!? They were all chanting for us. I can't believe you got us booked here. You're just so amazing." Paige squeezed her girlfriend tightly and kissed her temple, "I knew making you our manager was the right move. Craig said it was a bad idea, but I knew it would work out. You're just so hella persistent." She smirked and began languidly kissing Carrie's neck.

"Craig didn't think it was a good idea?" Carrie looked sharply at Paige, and she roughly grabbed Paige's chin, a foreign emotion Paige had never seen reflected back.

Paige frowned, confused. "Yeah, but it's not a big deal. You don't need to get angry with him."

Carrie seemed to understand that she had overreacted and quickly demurred, "Oh, I'm fine. I guess I'm just surprised is all."

Paige smiled again and kissed her on the lips. "You are perfect, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

* * *

"I gave up my swimming scholarship, dropped out of college, to be with someone who didn't really wanna be with me. So now here I am because I started this- this _band_, and everyone is counting on me. I'm not fucking stupid. I mean, Carson could be in any band he wanted and they'd be happy to take him. But Julie and Craig- and _Carrie-_" she choked on the name, "They need me to be the best at this thing. This is all any of us have. I gotta support her- _them- _especially now. I'm responsible for them," she whispered brokenly.

That was it. Everything Paige was, bifurcated into fury and pain, spelled out in just a few sentences. Emily didn't need her to tell her that Carrie was the girl Paige had left college for, and now- God! She had to watch her build a life with Craig, was in fact helping her do it. A lesser person would have quit. But Paige didn't. And she had stayed selflessly because while she led _Serendipity_ with her stage presence, she was losing everything she had ever been off the stage.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**"Man loves company - even if it is only that of a small burning candle." - George C. Lichtenberg**

Emily squinted at Paige, and took a chance. "What would you have done in college?"

"What?"

"You said you wanted to be normal. So if this was a normal college afternoon, and you had just finished swim practice, what would you have done?"

"I don't know. We probably would have gone to a bar and played pool or something."

"Put your clothes on. Let's go do it."

"What? No."

"Everyone needs a break, Paige, even broody rockstars." Paige looked up from her seated position and laughed. A real laugh that gleamed against the relative darkness of the pool-lit deck and hinted at someone that Emily would very much like to get to know. "Come on," Emily taunted, "are you afraid you might have fun with me?"

Paige watched Emily as she stood there with crossed arms, her eyes sparkling and her lopsided grin mischievous. Paige needed to say no, could think of a hundred different reasons not to go, but she didn't want to. _Fuck it,_ she finally decided as she nodded her acquiescence. _Let's see what Emily Fields is really made of._

* * *

An hour later Paige was leaning over a pool table at a bar on Ramona street. A live band was playing covers in the corner of the large room, and a number of college students were saddled up to the bar or playing their own games on the other tables scattered throughout the room. Paige hadn't come here in a couple years, not since dropping out. It felt surreal to be here again, as if the years in between had been quietly and surreptitiously erased. Before she took the shot, she looked back at Emily, who was just to the side of play. She was leaning against a high wooden table, a neon light advertising a beer just above her head, her pool cue propped next to her, and she was sipping a gin and tonic. _She'd be great in a black and white movie, _Paige thought suddenly.

"Side pocket," Paige mentioned as she turned back to the table.

"You'll never-" _thwock_ "-make that." Emily winced as the ball missed by a wide margin.

"You're not allowed to heckle me as I make the shot. That's a violation of house rules." Paige straightened and walked to Emily, picking her drink up off the smooth wooden surface and tipping it back, allowing the alcohol to slide through the ice and onto her tongue.

"I wasn't trying to make you miss it. I was trying to prevent you from taking it. You were set up completely wrong for that."

Paige's eyebrows shot skyward, "Wow. Give it to me gently, why don't you?"

Emily chuckled and grabbed her cue. "If you watch me, I'll show you how you should have shot it." She brushed by on her way to the pool table, and Paige could smell the clean scent of her shampoo as her long locks caressed Paige's shoulder.

Paige shook her head immediately. It wouldn't do to seduce the band's manager. _Julie would probably kick me in the throat if she thought I even tried._

"Paige!" Someone yelled from a few tables over, and Emily and Paige both looked to see who had called out. A bear of a guy with a full dark beard leapt up from a seat and quickly began walking toward them.

Paige put down her drink and grinned widely at him. When he reached her, he engulfed her in his tree trunk arms and lifted her off her feet.

Emily heard a muffled "_oof_" before he set Paige back down, and she watched intently as the scene played out in front of her. She hadn't seen Paige be friendly with anyone except Julie and Carson, and this dynamic was especially interesting. Paige always seemed to have an invisible hands-off barrier around her, but this man either didn't notice it or ignored it. Then again, as big as he was, who could stop him from doing exactly what he wanted?

He grinned widely at Paige, "It's great to see you. It's been too long."

She looked down and shoved her hands in her pockets. "Yeah it has," she said, a half smile still lifting one side of her lips.

"Hey, we're getting a bunch of people to go down for a party by the bay tonight. You should come."

"I don't-"

"We'd love to come." Emily interrupted Paige's refusal before she could finish it. Benny looked over at Emily and then looked at Paige again with an amused expression on his face.

"Benny, this is my manager Emily Fields. Benny was the bouncer at the bar we used to play at in Palo Alto," Paige said by way of introduction. "We played there a _lot_."

"Best band to come out of Stanford in my opinion." He held up his huge paws. "Listen, I don't wanna intrude. Just come see us. Some people are setting it up now. Don't be late and miss the bonfire lighting."

As he walked away, Paige's smile disappeared. "We don't have to go. It'll be a bunch of fucking drunk college kids."

Emily looked directly at Paige. "I can handle them as long as you can."

* * *

"Sing with me."

Emily and Paige had watched as Benny lit the fire earlier, the behemoth first dousing the kindling with lighter fluid before pouring some in his mouth and spitting it out, igniting it with a lighter as it left his lips which in turn ignited the woodpile.

Everyone cheered and then began talking amongst themselves in intimate circles of people. Several party goers knew Paige, and Emily stood next to her, politely smiling and introducing herself at Paige's side while Paige succinctly explained what she'd been doing since they last met, humbly thanking them when they told her how much they loved the band. There was no trace of anger this evening, and Emily could swear she actually felt the heavy air that usually clung to Paige dissipate into the chatter of the party.

At the moment, there were maybe 20 people sitting on logs and other makeshift chairs around the bonfire, and Benny had pulled out his guitar and asked Paige to accompany him.

He began to play a folksy melody, and Paige put down the solo cup she had been sipping from and began to sing.

Emily watched from her perch, enchanted by the light of the flames playing across Paige's face. The fire was glowing against her skin, giving the appearance that she was burning somewhere inside, the embers heating her up just as a furnace turns cold black steel into molten and malleable and bright red metal.

Paige's rough voice fit the song and the easy mood of the night perfectly, and the lyrics of the Jack Johnson song suddenly broke through Emily's entrancement.

_And all of these moments  
__Just might find their way into my dreams tonight  
__But I know that they'll be gone  
__When the morning light sings  
__And brings new things  
__For tomorrow night you see  
__That they'll be gone too  
__Too many things I have to do_

_But if all of these dreams might find their way  
__Into my day to day scene  
__I'd be under the impression  
__I was somewhere in between_

_With only two  
__Just me and you  
__Not so many things we got to do  
__Or places we got to be  
__We'll sit beneath the mango tree now_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together  
__Mmm, we're somewhere in between together  
__Well, it's always better when we're together  
__Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

As the song died down, the listeners clapped and whistled, and Paige closed her eyes and remained quiet for a moment before turning and opening them to look at Emily. Her eyes shimmered in the darkness, illuminated by the bonfire that was now low and beginning to cool.

"It's time to go," Paige said softly and simply, her words the final breath that blew out the last of the flickering flames within her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"**Is it possible to succeed without any act of betrayal?" - Jean Renoir**

Paige met Carson at the door as he was exiting and she was entering the apartment. He looked up at her, finger on the bridge of his glasses, and nodded quietly. It was the usual way he said hello and goodbye and everything in between.

As Paige walked in and dropped her bag by the door, Julie called to her from her place on the couch, "Did you get the girl's name this time?"

"Emily, actually."

Julie shot up from her sitting position and stomped over to Paige, shoving her backwards until her back connected with the closed door. "Paige, you piece of shit! You _know-"_

Paige grabbed Julie's arms before she could accost her further. "It wasn't like that."

"You smell like a goddamn forest fire."

"We played pool and then went to a bonfire party. I dropped her off at her apartment. I didn't see the inside of it. End of story."

"I swear, McCullers, if you mess this up, I'll rip your head off and shove it up your ass." Julie pulled away from Paige's grip, and walked back to plop on the couch.

"I won't." Paige couldn't help adding a dig of her own, "How was not having sex with Carson tonight?"

"Fuck off."

She walked to the cabinet to grab a bottle of Johnnie Walker to take to bed, regretting ridiculing Julie for keeping her feelings to herself. Julie did it because she feared a rift they couldn't mend. The band had already weathered an enormous one. It wouldn't be able to survive through a second.

* * *

"They're fucking, Julie! I caught them! Carrie and Craig have been having an affair _in my apartment!_"

Paige was sitting on Julie's couch after knocking on the door hours earlier, a wild and bewildered expression on her face. Now she was waffling between numbly relating the details of her night and hysterically beating on the couch pillows.

Julie was at a loss. She didn't have any words of comfort. There wasn't a way to stitch it up, kiss the boo-boo, wash the hurt away. "I'm so sorry, Paige. You know I had no idea what was happening, or I would have told you. Carson can't have known either. He'd never keep something that fucked up to himself."

"I quit college for her, for our band. My dad won't even- And now it's all for nothing." Paige was numb again, blinking rapidly as the enormity of her heartbreak kept hitting her in waves, battering her with its anguish.

Julie put a gentle hand on Paige's knee. "No, it's not for nothing. We still have our band. You still have me and Carson."

Paige looked at Julie as if unable to comprehend words. "I can't stay in the band now. Are you crazy?! I'll never forgive Craig!"

"So beat the shit out of him until he can't use his dick anymore, and move on. You aren't the only one who gave up everything. You aren't the only one completely invested in this band, McCullers." Julie's harsh words were also tinged with a carefully controlled panic, and Paige heard it.

Paige blinked at a sudden realization. Julie needed this band. Needed to be close to Carson. Needed the band to be successful. _Jesus_, she thought as she put her head down, her chin hitting her chest. _I have to make it work_. She would stay for Julie. She would keep the band together. She'd endure the pain. But Paige knew as she looked back up at her best friend that it would cost her dearly.

* * *

Paige scowled at the number of guards in the growing audience. "We don't need that many."

"You don't get to tell me how to do my job. I seem to recall you saying that to me not too long ago." Emily was standing in her usual crossed arms pose, her white dress pristine and glowing in the relative darkness of backstage. It was in stark contrast to her darker skin tone, and it brought out the sharp white of her teeth as she spoke. She saw Paige's frown soften, a sign she had finally, grudgingly, admitted Emily had a point. "You seem nervous tonight." Emily perceptively commented when she saw Paige rock from side to side and clench her hands rhythmically.

Paige _was _nervous. She could feel the sweat bead on her back as she mentally pictured how large the crowd was going to be. The Fillmore was a huge leap in notoriety. It was famous, and famous acts played there. _Serendipity _was starting to be famous. She felt herself cracking under the weight, and she started to pace in a tight circle, the worry making itself known in the creases in her brow, the flex of her muscles, and the stiffness of her gait.

Emily reached out to Paige to try to still her, her hand softly surrounding Paige's forearm. "Hey," she said, giving Paige a dimpled grin, "I've watched you on YouTube. You're a superhero once the lights turn on."

Paige couldn't help but add suggestively, "I'm a superhero with the lights off, too."

"Ha." Emily let go of her arm and rolled her eyes. "Just trust your instincts. They're good. You're good."

Paige looked up to protest, but then she caught the confident look on Emily's face, and something settled down in her as if Emily had walked inside, found all the cracks, and patched them up with her coal eyes and easy smile.

* * *

Paige walked off the stage on a high. Sweat streamed down the sides of her face, running down her neck and her chest until it was caught by the hem of her tank top. It ran in rivers down her arms until it dripped off her fingertips. It soaked her hair and her jeans. The show had been phenomenal; she knew it, the band knew it, and as she looked at Emily's mega watt smile, she knew her manager knew it, too.

She couldn't help it. She turned around and grabbed Julie and Carson and Craig into a wet and steamy hug. "We did it!" Paige yelled before letting them go. They collectively laughed and clapped each other's backs in congratulations and elation. "We're celebrating tonight!"

"Fuck yeah we are! To the club!" Julie wiped her forehead and then added, "After we take a shower. Eww. You guys stink like a whorehouse in summer."

Paige turned to Emily. "You're coming with us."

"Paige, I-"

She shook her head, sweat droplets flying off her face and the ends of her hair. "It wasn't a request."

* * *

They were in a club in Union Square, red neon lights giving the bar a devilish glow. Go-go dancers swarmed the dance floor and milled around the table they had been given after Emily mentioned the band's name.

Paige was leaning back in a chair, admiring the girl who was caressing her and serving her shots. Carson and Julie had their heads bent together in a discussion that no one else could hear in the loud club.

Craig waved off another dancer and leaned in to talk to Emily. "I hate places like this. Carrie and I are homebodies, especially now. I'd rather sit and watch a movie than drink and dance. If you want to head back, I'll happily come with you. Julie can keep an eye on Paige."

Emily smiled at him. He was genuinely kind, and she _was_ exhausted. Maybe she could leave a little early-

"Ladies and gentlemen! _Serendipity_ is in the house! Let's show them how we rock!" The DJ announced their presence over the microphone, pointing towards their table in the back of the bar, and the whole club seemed to turn in unison toward them.

Emily silently cursed the DJ as she saw drunk fans and curious bystanders begin to head their way. "We need to get out of here. Now." She stood up and grabbed at Craig and Carson, the closest people she could reach. "Get up!"

They looked at her, not understanding, but when Craig saw what she was seeing, he uttered an "oh shit" before pulling Julie and a startled Paige to their feet.

It was too late. The crush of people made it to the table before security did, and Paige was quickly engulfed in admirers begging for her to sign a shoe, a bra, a forehead. She looked at Emily over their heads, dazed and disoriented by the sudden mob. Emily quickly grabbed a nearby security guard who was trying to shove people away and yelled at him to help them get out. Then she was pushing until she was next to Paige, placing the singer behind the security guard, and then prodding him to move.

Almost to the door, Paige felt someone yank her shirt, holding onto it with what seemed like a vice grip. _Fuck this_, she thought, before ducking and slipping out if it. And then the door to the street opened and the band and the surrounding security burst out before closing the doors behind them, successfully escaping the mob, at least for the moment.

Paige turned around to look back, her gaze unexpectedly crashing into Emily's own. Emily, whose arms were wrapped around her. Emily, whose body was suddenly pressed tightly to her own. Emily, whose scent was intoxicating in its nearness. Emily, who had shepherded her to safety. "Emily."

She could intensely feel everywhere that Paige's naked flesh touched her, and she instinctively pulled Paige closer, unable to tell if she was doing it protectively or selfishly. The look in Paige's eyes, it was the same bewildered and grateful look she had the night in the alley, and it was hypnotic. "Are you okay?" The words were barely a breath, and they mingled with her own name in the tiny space between them.

"Holy insane, Batman!" Julie's exclamation broke through their combined stupor and they stepped apart.

Craig quickly pulled off his shirt and handed it to Paige. "Put this on. I'll go get my car," he called as he darted off.

Paige tugged the oversize garment over her head as they all stood by the curb while the security guards still surrounding them talked amongst themselves and into their radios.

Emily hugged herself and shifted uneasily from foot to foot, worried that the fans would round the corner before they could get away. Dammit! Where was Craig? When a cab passed by, she made a split decision and hailed it. As it slowed to a stop next to them, she opened the door and pushed Paige towards the seat, saying apologetically, "I've got to get you out of here now." She then turned to Julie and Carson. "Stay here and wait for Craig. We're taking this cab home."

* * *

In the cab, Paige was still a little dazed as Emily pulled her phone from her purse and began dialing a number. "Spencer? We just got mobbed by fans at a club in San Francisco… Yes, we're fine. I have Paige in a cab now, and we're on our way home…" Emily frowned into her phone while she listened, and then said, "I'll let you know later. We need to call that label back. I think it's time."

Paige looked over from her slumped position in the corner between the seat and the door, her arm stretched wide along the back of the cab's bench. "Was that someone from your agency?"

"Yes. Spencer Hastings is our lawyer, and also kind of our business guru."

"Seems like a lot of hats for just one person."

"You haven't met Spencer."

"Is she a good friend of yours?"

Emily turned to her and squinted, "You're full of questions tonight."

Paige shrugged. "It's a long ride back. Plus, you know a lot more about me than I know about you. I was just curious what your business partners are like."

Emily nodded, and smiled a little as she thought of her friends. "Spencer is a terrific friend- very, very loyal. She fights hard for what she believes in. And she's the smartest person I know. But, we're so different. She's really blunt and sarcastic, but I really respect and admire her for the person she is."

"And the others?"

"Hanna is- well, Hanna. A little ditzy, but she's the most welcoming and accepting of anyone I've ever known. I can depend on her like no one else. And Aria is so creative and just so independent. I wish I could be more like her sometimes."

"Sounds like they're really good friends."

"The best."

"Yeah, I get that. I guess I miss being able to count on Craig. We used to be really close until he- It was a fucked up situation. I used to live with Carrie, and he used to live with Julie, so when all this went down, we just sort of swapped places," Paige laughed self deprecatingly, "in more ways than one."

Emily put her hand on Paige's thigh and squeezed comfortingly, feeling the muscle flex a little under her fingers, and she made eye contact with Paige. Then Paige dropped her head back against the cab's window and laughed at the absurdity of her circumstances before looking back at Emily.

"And then there's Julie and Carson. She loves him so much, and I think he likes her a lot- Sometimes I think he loves her. But most of the time I just think he's so socially awkward that he can't see the signs..." Paige drifted off, caught suddenly by the empathetic look in Emily's eye. _She probably thinks I'm a dumb shit. I certainly think I'm a dumb shit. _ "So anyway, tell me about something else. Where did you grow up?"

They spent the rest of the ride back talking about Emily's life in Rosewood, bouncing from subject to subject, Paige prodding her to talk about what it was like growing up with a dad in the military, her time in college at Hollis as a communications major, what the winters were like back home, how bad she was at math, how her favorite holiday was Christmas and her least favorite was Halloween. Paige seemed genuinely interested, and Emily found it so easy to talk to her when she was relaxed like this, just as she had been at the bonfire down at the bay. Emily bit her lip and grinned, feeling the warmth of friendship begin to grow in the cramped yellow cab as it sped back to the valley.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"**Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." - Marilyn Monroe**

Emily smoothed down the panels of her dress as she looked in the mirror, turning from side to side to ensure it looked good from each angle, watching as the handsewn sequins and beads shimmered in the hotel room's low light. Spencer's money came in handy sometimes, like when she needed this dress so she could accompany the band- and Paige- to an important party.

A week ago, she had been on a conference call with Spencer, Hanna, and Aria. After news of the band's brush with a mob scene began to trickle out, Spencer called the producer of Eastside Records, one of the largest labels in the country. He had already offered them a deal, but their agency refused it because it wouldn't allow the band a percentage of the profits, instead providing them with a stipend that Spencer thought was an insult. She believed _Serendipity_ was worth much more, and she had wisely waited for an opportunity to prove it. And this was it. Now the producer wanted to fly the band down to Hollywood on his private jet so they could attend a "soiree" he was throwing before he agreed to the new terms Spencer proposed.

Hanna was practically bursting with excitement, and Emily could picture her bright grin while her hands flailed wildly as she spoke. "Man, Em, I so wish I was there. You're so lucky!"

"Paige cannot take some bimbo to this party. Make sure she doesn't." Spencer interjected, putting a damper on Emily's own excitement.

Emily blew out a breath, her stomach sinking. "We were just starting to get along." It was true. Paige was actually talking to her, and she wasn't looking at Emily with the same derision. Just yesterday they went to lunch together and discussed how Paige could get what she wanted- crowd participation- and how Emily could get what she wanted- protection for Paige- and they'd actually agreed to a plan of action without Paige becoming sullen. "Why do I always have to be the bad guy?" she lamented.

"Because when you do it, you somehow come out looking like the good guy."

She _really_ sucked at telling Spencer no. "Okay."

"Em, just tell her you'll be her date. She'd be crazy not to want to be seen with you. Then you don't have to tell her not to invite anyone else." Aria's gentle voice provided a solution, but Emily wasn't sure Paige liked her quite that much.

"I don't think-"

Hanna squealed, "You get to buy a designer dress! Let's talk about who you're gonna wear…"

Now here Emily was, in this Mark Zunino gown, the limo on its way, and she was a jangle of nerves. A record deal was within reach, and yet Paige had been quiet when Emily sat them all down and talked about this party and what it meant for their careers. It wasn't that Paige said anything negative in regard to the terms of the contract- she seemed to like that part. It was her stoicism when Emily had mentioned going as her date, as if Emily was somehow meting out a punishment and Paige was forced to bear it silently, that was rattling Emily's composure now. Even on the plane that took them to Hollywood earlier that day, as everyone else _oohed_ and _aahed_ at the swanky interior, Paige had barely said a word, electing to sit in a corner and drink from a whiskey-filled tumbler.

Emily's teeth worried at her lip as she waited in the hotel suite she was staying in for the night. Would Paige be drunk and surly as she had been the first few weeks? Or would she be the Paige of late?

A knock at her door pulled her out of her musings at the mirror, and she walked quickly to answer it.

When Emily answered, Paige cursed internally. _Fuck, how am I supposed to be good when she looks like that?_

Emily was standing with one hand on the door, an off white halter dress hugging her body, its beading catching the light behind her, seemingly enveloping her in the sparkle of a just-cast magical incantation, and Paige was well and truly spellbound by the effect.

When Emily explained the producer's party, Paige understood that they were finally going to jump off the ledge the band had been trekking to, and then looking over, for three years. She couldn't help but be impressed. Emily and the HMF agency had really made things happen quickly, had capitalized on every opportunity, and now the band had one final show to put on, and while she wasn't singing, Paige knew she was expected to perform. That was fine. She could do that.

Then Emily told her she would be going with her as her date. That was _not_ fine. She'd already gotten too friendly with her manager- was already being manipulated by her. To her chagrin, Emily had actually gotten her to agree to bring guards with her when she walked into the crowd, and all that had taken was a glance, a sweet little shrug, and the sound of concern in Emily's voice. Paige decided a little distance would help. _Except here I am at her door, and she's wearing that dress._

"I realized I was right down the hall from you. I figured we could walk down together. Isn't that what dates do?" She leaned on the outside door frame, hands in the pockets of the black leather gasoline jacket she wore over a pair of similarly colored leather pants and boots, hair down and wild, looking like an oiled whip propped against the wall. "You did tell me you were going as my date because- apparently- I can't be trusted to get one on my own."

"Paige, I didn't mean to imply anything. It just made sense. This way, neither of us had to find a date."

"It's fine," Paige said, looking down and waving Emily quiet. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let me just get my clutch." Paige stayed out in the hall while Emily disappeared inside for a moment before coming back to the door.

"You look good." Paige said simply.

Emily gave a small smile. "Thanks. Don't put yourself out with compliments."

Paige chuckled, "Sorry. I'm not the one who writes our songs."

Emily absently took Paige's arm as they walked to the elevator, feeling the leather under her fingers that was already warmed from Paige's body heat. When they reached the limo downstairs, Carson and Julie, donned in a suit and red strapless dress respectively, were already in it.

As the pair ducked into the limo, Julie whistled and Carson said quietly from his corner, "Paige, you look like a night robbed of all its stars, and Emily, you look like you've stolen them."

Paige raised her eyebrow at a stunned Emily, "See why _he's_ our song writer?"

* * *

The black limosine slunk into a space in the circular driveway of a house in the Hollywood hillside. The lights illuminating the house through the glass walls lit the yard around the massive structure, as if it were a lighthouse beacon warning ships of imminent danger.

Craig and Carrie were the last to join the rest of the band in the long car, and they were the first to exit, Craig taking his girlfriend's hand as she climbed out in her sky blue dress. Next were Carson and Julie, and then Paige stepped out, turning to help Emily out of the car. As Paige looked down and Emily looked up when their hands touched, warning bells clanged in Paige's ears. _I need a distraction, _Paige thought instantly.

With Emily on her arm once again, Paige led the group inside the house. They had barely crossed the threshold when a short rotund man waddled over to them. "You're here! Welcome to my home. I'm David Myers," He turned toward Paige, "and you must be Paige McCullers. Yes. Yes. I can see what all the fuss is about. And who is this beauty on your arm?"

Paige was a little taken aback at the attention, "This is our manager, Emily Fields."

David clapped his hands loudly, "Oh good! Then she won't mind if I whisk you away for a bit. Won't you dear?"

Emily stepped away and gestured with open hands, "Be my guest."

"Good. Good. I'll send my wife over to take you around to make introductions. She just loves your band."

* * *

Later in the night, Emily was standing on a third floor balcony, enjoying the breeze as it moved the night air around her and lifted her long loose tresses. David Myers' wife, a thoroughly plastic and yet kind woman, had taken the band members through the house, making introductions and small talk with a number of celebrities on the way. Emily had seen glimpses of Paige throughout the night, but she was always surrounded by people, and David corralled her like she was a prized bull to be strutted and shown off. She hoped Paige was okay.

Lost in the solitude and silence for a time, Emily suddenly heard footsteps behind her and turned to see the singer prowling over to her with one glass of clear liquid and another of amber liquor, and when Paige sidled up next to her at the railing, she could smell leather and whiskey and the unique spicy fragrance that she had come to associate with Paige.

"Gin and tonic," Paige said as she handed the glass to Emily.

Emily smiled appreciatively and took the drink. "How are you holding up?"

"Fine. I came up here to get a moment of peace and see you beat me to it." Paige looked out over the valley, taking in the lights scattered everywhere. "It's like looking inside a chest of glittering gold, isn't it?"

"Mmmm hmmm. It's really beautiful."

"I wonder," Paige began, "what will happen once we make it? Will I feel any less alone?"

Surprised, Emily turned to her and was struck once again with the sadness in the singer. Emily was beginning to understand the torment and isolation heaped upon Paige as their star, and she bore its weight for people who had so thoroughly betrayed her. No wonder Paige lashed out as she often did.

It made Emily's heart hurt, and she reached up to touch her palm against Paige's warm cheek. "Paige," she whispered.

"There you are!"

She dropped her hand at the loud voice behind her, both of them turning to see David Myers ambling over, a blonde bombshell on his arm. "I've been looking all over for you. I want you to meet Sierra. She's a huge fan of yours."

Paige put out her hand, and Sierra took it in both of hers, "I've been obsessed with your band ever since I saw that YouTube video. You made that song so hot."

Paige raised her eyebrows and downed the rest of her drink. _Definitely too close to Emily_, Paige thought. _And here's the lucky distraction I need. _"There's a lot of other things I can make hot," she quipped and took the girl by the waist as she led her away into the house.

David gave Emily a shrug and followed their path back into the house.

"Playing wingman tonight?"

Emily moved her gaze from the producer's retreating form toward Carrie, who was walking along the edge of the balcony, running her hand over the rail as she did so.

"Excuse me?"

"Paige. She's in rare form. When she's in a good mood like this, she's always looking for the next blonde stand-in to sleep with. I thought for a while she was after you, but it seems I was wrong." Carrie stopped and looked at Emily. "You, on the other hand, I'm not sure what you're after."

Emily bristled. "I'm not after anything."

Carrie laughed humorlessly. "Is that what you were talking about so intimately?"

Emily closed her mouth firmly, refusing to rise to the challenge. "You're wrong, Carrie. I'm their manager. They are my job. _Paige_ is my job."

"Better tell her that before she thinks you actually like her."

Emily couldn't stop herself, "I'm not you. I would never intentionally do anything to hurt her."

Carrie's eyes sparked, "You don't know what you're talking about."

Dammit, what terrible luck had gotten her into this? She needed to extricate herself immediately before things escalated further. "You're right. I don't. Your jealousy is misplaced, though. Excuse me." With that, she turned away and walked back into the house, her own words stinging her eyes.

No, Paige wasn't just her job.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**"A man's true character comes out when he's drunk" - Charlie Chaplin **

Emily was fuming as she made her way through the house. She was angry at Carrie for accusing her, angry at herself for taking the bait, and even angry at Paige for going off with some floozy. Wasn't Paige _her _date?

She spotted Julie and Carson in a corner of a room, and walked over. "Hey, I'm ready to go. Have you seen Paige or Craig?"

Carson looked relieved, and Julie answered, "Craig went looking for Carrie, but I haven't seen Paige. Carson is ready to go too. This shit just isn't his scene."

"Okay. Carrie was out on the balcony about fifteen minutes ago. If you guys go round up Craig and Carrie, I'll find Paige and meet you downstairs."

"Deal."

Emily headed off again, choosing a random direction that seemed to have the most people milling about. Just as she was trying to make her way through a group of people, a hand shot out from the group and grabbed her arm. When she turned, she saw David Myers smiling up at her.

"Hi Gorgeous! I think you guys have a deal. Your lead singer is gonna be a big star. She's got charisma, she's got sex appeal, and she's got a badass attitude. We could really market her alone if we wanted to."

Emily clamped down on her cheek to keep from responding with a nasty retort, and instead put a smile on that didn't make it to her eyes, "Yes, she's certainly all those things. Have you seen her by any chance?"

"Oh no, honey, you gotta be smarter than that in this business."

She looked at him and folded her arms. He wasn't putting her in a better mood. "What do you mean by that?" she snapped.

"You have that jealous look. Lead singers have huge egos. Especially ones that look like that. She's not worth it, you know. " He smiled, his tone sounding compassionate and not cruel, but Emily wasn't going to quibble over his misreading of the situation; he _was_ the man holding their future in his hands.

Instead, she said the first thing that came to her mind, "Yes, actually she is." And then she touched his arm as she began stepping away, "Excuse me, won't you? I really do need to find her."

"Of course girl. We'll talk tomorrow with that bulldog you call a lawyer. And good luck with Paige McCullers 'cause you're gonna need it!"

Emily smiled tightly a final time before making her way down the hall again, ending her search when she saw Paige's leather-clad back as she was clearly making out with the girl from earlier. Dammit.

"Paige."

A growl came from the singer and without turning around, she hissed, "I'm busy."

"I noticed." Emily couldn't make herself watch the intimate scene and looked up at the ceiling instead. "We're leaving. Are you coming?"

Paige rumbled something vicious, and Emily steeled herself for the coming onslaught.

"Yes, she is." It was Julie's voice now as she stepped into the room and pulled at Paige's arm. "Sorry," she said to the girl whose hair was messed and dress was askew, "We've got band rehearsal early tomorrow." It was a lie, but Julie didn't even blink as she said it while yanking Paige along behind her, and then when they were outside the house, she turned to Paige and shoved a finger in her chest. "You couldn't stay sober for one goddamn party? Douche move. Now get in the car."

Paige looked like she was going to erupt, but Julie shoved her towards the open door. "Not here in front of people. Get in the fucking car. Now." Paige stumbled and then decided Julie was right and climbed into the car. Julie then turned to everyone else and gestured to the limo, "After you guys."

The ride back to the hotel was silent, with Paige and Julie shooting daggers at each other, and Carrie glaring at Emily. Emily leaned her forehead on her hand and prayed that David Myers would sign the deal. She needed a break.

* * *

Paige knocked softly at first, but she couldn't hear it herself, so she knocked a little louder and waited, leaning her head against the door because it felt like it weighed too much to support. When no one answered, she resorted to banging with both fists.

When the door finally opened inward, she nearly fell into the room, but caught herself at the last moment on the wall outside.

"Paige?" Emily's hands reached out to Paige's shoulders to steady her. "What are you doing here?"

"Fuck if I know. Seemed like a good idea, I guess." She looked blearily at Emily. _Jesus, how does she look so perfect all the time? I just need to be next to her for a little while. Then I'll feel better. She makes me feel better- No. No! She's off limits, dumbass. _Paige's internal monologue was muddled and unfocused. "Never mind, you were sleeping. Go back to sleep."

Watching as Paige tried to keep her eyes focused, Emily shook her head, "No, you're drunk. Come in, and I'll make you some coffee." She took Paige's hand, preventing her from leaving.

"You're so good, and I'm so bad. It's just so fucked up. Fuck Carrie. Fuck Craig. Fuck Julie. Fuck 'em all."

"Being drunk certainly doesn't do much for your vocabulary," Emily remarked as she pulled Paige into her room and sat her on the bed. Paige's head flopped down, her elbows were propped heavily on her knees, and she smelled like she had showered in alcohol. Emily sighed. "Give me your foot."

Paige stuck out a leg and Emily pulled the boot off and then did the same with the other one. Paige mumbled a slurred "thanks" as Emily walked to the small kitchenette and began making a pot of coffee. She looked over at the clock. Four a.m.? She'd only been asleep a couple of hours before Paige came banging on the door. She had an early call with Eastside Records, and she was exhausted. She thought again at how much she would enjoy a break when they signed this contract.

After the coffee started brewing, she turned around to see that Paige had curled up on her bed and was fast asleep. Taking a deep breath, she walked over and pulled the covers over the singer, gently brushing the hair away from Paige's face, unable to prevent her fingertips from sliding across the sleeping girl's brow and then down her cheek.

So much for sleeping. At least the coffee was already made.

* * *

Paige woke up and smelled coffee and something else familiar. She moved her head and inhaled the scent on the pillow. It smelled like- _Emily? Oh shit._

Paige opened her eyes. She was in a hotel room, Emily's hotel room, in Emily's bed, and yet Emily wasn't in it. She looked around and didn't see her manager anywhere.

She pulled the covers off of her. _Still in last night's clothes. That's good. Maybe Julie won't kill me._

The door opened just as she was pulling herself into a sitting position, and Emily walked into the room with a bag. She watched as Emily looked at her, pulled out some aspirin from the bag, and then went over to make a cup of coffee.

"Cream and sugar?" Emily asked.

"Black." Paige closed her eyes as a wave of nausea hit her, and Emily came over to hand her the aspirin and coffee. "Thanks, I think. Did Julie tell you to do this?"

Emily frowned down at Paige. "Julie doesn't know you're here. At least I don't think she does."

"Why _am_ I here exactly?" Paige wondered.

"You don't remember?"

Paige shook her head and then instantly regretted it, putting a hand to her temple. "Oww."

"You were knocking at my door at four a.m.; I let you in because I was worried about you. Then you fell asleep."

"Fuck. What time is it?" Paige sipped the coffee as she swallowed some pills and then stood up.

"It's ten. We need to get out of here to catch the flight back." Emily was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, and looking at Paige with concern. "Paige, you can't keep-"

"Ah. Thanks for this. I'll get out now." Paige said quietly, interrupting whatever admonishment Emily was about to say as she walked toward the door.

Emily closed her eyes in defeat as she realized Paige wasn't ready to listen, so instead she said, "They signed this morning, by the way. It was mostly because of you. David Myers really likes you. So thanks. And congratulations." Paige looked so weak as she grabbed her shoes that Emily was worried she wouldn't make it back to her room, and Emily moved to help her with the door.

Paige's bark of laughter was mirthless as she shrugged, "He doesn't know me yet." And then she was gone.

* * *

The cross country flight felt like it was taking her from the moon back down to earth. Winter was making its way across the country; cold that didn't seem to touch much of California was icing over the rest of the land, and Emily looked at the snow-capped mountains as the plane flew high over their peaks. She was really looking forward to spending some time at home with her family and friends. Now that the contract was signed, she didn't have to chase after Paige every minute, and she couldn't wait to sit down and just do nothing for a while.

Paige. What was she doing right now? Was she okay? Was Julie taking care of her as she said she would? Emily hadn't seen her since they'd left Hollywood, and that was four days ago. She'd said goodbye over the phone before she left, but she worried that Paige would take the time between shows to be self-destructive.

Emily shook her head. No, Paige could handle herself for a week.

* * *

The girls were all at Spencer's home, a house she bought not far from her parents' place.

Emily was lying down on the couch, her phone and a glass of wine both perched on her stomach. "I have never been so tired in my life."

"But you got to meet movie stars and hang out with the band. That's like, super awesome," Hanna was ensconced in a big chair, her feet tucked under her and hair up in a messy ponytail. "What was it like?"

"Nothing like here. The crowds are big, the shows are big, and their drama is big." Emily paused to sit up. "Paige McCullers is a train looking for a place to wreck."

"What's _she_ like?" Aria asked from her perch at the counter, both hands wrapped around her glass as she sipped from it.

"She's beautiful and magnetic on stage, and angry and sullen off stage. One minute she talks about being lonely, and the next she pushes everyone away. She binges on girls like they're whiskey, and she goes through whiskey like it's water." Emily glanced down at the floor. "She's so damaged from all this- _stuff_. And it's really frustrating to see her go through it."

Aria blinked rapidly, "Sounds like you really got to know her."

"Yeah, I did. She's- I've never met anyone like her." Emily took a huge gulp of her wine and then set the empty glass on the table.

Spencer looked sharply at Emily, and then glanced up to meet Aria's and Hanna's eyes. "Emily, is there something going on between you two?" Spencer barreled through in her typical bluntness, and it shocked Emily.

"What!? No. No way. I've just spent a lot of time with her."

"Good, because you know how epically bad that would be. She's our _client_."

"I know, Spence. If anything, she barely tolerates me. You do not need to be worried." Emily shook her head and stood up. "I'm tired guys. I'm gonna head home. Besides, I need to call my parents and find out what our Christmas plans are this year."

Hanna hopped out of her seat and clambered over to Emily to engulf her in a hug. "I'm really glad you're home. I missed you."

Emily smiled gratefully, "I missed you, too. I wish I didn't have to go back so soon. But I'll be back in a few weeks and we can spend the holidays together."

Hanna grinned, "I can't wait."

* * *

Emily pulled back the covers and crawled into her bed. It felt amazing to be in her own space. Her apartment was in downtown Rosewood, just a block over from the Brew, which was a coffee shop she worked in through high school and part of college. The place was old, but she loved the wood burning fireplace and the extra details left by previous inhabitants, like the stained glass transoms above the kitchen nook, the scarred wood floors, and the moulding on the ceiling.

She turned off her bedside lamp and lay back against the pillows, looking up at the moonlight that made little squares of purplish blue on the ceiling. She had stared at them a thousand times before, looked at every shadow of imperfection they revealed. It was soothing; the landscape up there was where she could let her thoughts wander just before she fell asleep. Tonight they meandered through her conversations with her friends, the agency's first real contract with a record label, her hair appointment tomorrow, her family's plans to go to a cabin for Christmas, and finally, Emily drifted off to an image of Paige's wounded brown eyes lit by the light of a bonfire.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"**Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." - John Steinbeck**

"Hey, are you really okay?" Hanna glanced over to her passenger who was staring absently out the window of the car.

Hanna was driving Emily back to the airport after a quiet week at home. The band had two more shows and a recording session with their new label before they had a few weeks off at Christmas, which meant Emily would be away from her family for Thanksgiving, but her mom had been understanding and told her that they'd make up the time at Christmas.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just thinking about all the things I need to do when I get back to California." Emily felt like she was a part of a giant yo-yo whose string was stretched from coast to coast, and she was constantly moving from one side to the other.

"You need to get laid."

"Hanna-"

"I'm serious! You've been working crazy hard, and you haven't had any time for yourself. You haven't dated anyone serious since Maya, and that was in high school! An orgasm or two will make everything better."

"Hanna!"

"Come on, tell me there isn't anyone you've met in California that you wouldn't want a little sexy time with. I've lived there. Beautiful girls are, like, a penny a dozen."

"A dime a dozen," Emily corrected with a smile.

"Whatever. They're everywhere."

"I honestly haven't had time to even look. When I'm not scheduling _Serendipity _for something, I'm chasing after them, or refereeing arguments."

"Arguments? Carrie didn't mention any problems with them when I last talked to her." Hanna seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, she wouldn't." Emily replied sourly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Emily shifted in her seat and ran her hand through her hair. She was loath to say anything negative about Hanna's college friend. "Let's just say there's some serious strife in that band."

And Carrie was definitely at the center of it.

* * *

"Paige." Emily was relieved to find Paige in the Haven alone and at least still sitting up. Her long wavy hair hung around her face and pooled on the table, creating a shield so that Emily couldn't see her face, but the drink in her hand and the hunched posture gave away her suffering.

Earlier that day, the band had an afternoon recording session, after which everyone was talking of their Thanksgiving plans for the weekend. Julie and Carson were going to his family's house, and when Paige asked if they were all driving together with Craig, Craig coughed and said, "Carrie and I are going to her parents' house. We wanna tell them about the baby," he paused for moment, and then went on hurriedly. "And our wedding plans."

Everyone in the room inhaled a collective breath. On cue, Paige stood up, her chair screeching along the tile floor as it shot out from behind her, and then she violently stalked out of the room. After she had gone, Carson nervously adjusted his glasses before standing to offer a hug to his brother and a low "congratulations." Julie sighed and clapped Craig hard on the back before getting up and following Paige out of the studio and onto the sidewalk.

"Get over her already," Julie said impatiently when she found Paige pacing around in the cooling afternoon air.

"Fuck you." Paige turned and viciously waved Julie off. She was having trouble breathing and her vision was beginning to tunnel. She needed a drink. She needed many drinks._  
_

"No. I'm sick and tired of you moping around. It is what it is. It's been two years. Move the fuck on!"

"She was the one." _Jesus, can't you understand I'll never get over her?_

"No she wasn't. She's an evil bitch, and she broke your heart. No, scratch that. She broke _you_. And I'll never forgive her for that." Julie's fists were balled up, and she stomped her foot to punctuate her vehemence.

"I'm leaving."

"Fine. You do that. Tell Jack Daniels I said hi. I'm not fucking picking you up off the floor tonight!" Julie turned stiffly, heading back into the studio to call their manager. Someone needed to be on Paige duty this evening, and it wasn't going to be her.

After getting the phone call from Julie, Emily had made her way to Paige's favorite bar. And when she walked in, she immediately went to the figure in black towards the back of the bar.

Paige could feel Emily's eyes on her as she closed the distance, and despite her fury and inebriation, she felt something almost imperceptible give inside her. The grip on her glass loosened a hair, the hunch in her shoulders straightened a tad, the furrow in her brow lessened a little. Just the nearness of her manager affected her viscerally, and she couldn't seem to stop it. Emily, time and time again, had come to her rescue, and Paige's body knew it even as her mind was telling her Emily was dangerous.

"They're getting married." Paige's voice was rough after the recording session and the whiskey and the dejection.

"I heard." Emily pulled out a chair and sat down next to Paige. Unable to resist, Emily touched Paige's arm. The muscles jumped under her hand, but Paige didn't pull away. Emily wished she could soak up the pain and then wring it out like a towel. "Let me take you home."

If Emily's presence was a comfort, then her touch was a boon and her words a blessing. Together, they conspired to shatter Paige's control. "It hurts so goddamn bad," she whispered into the table.

Then Paige looked up, and the desolation in her eyes lacerated Emily as if she were being clawed by Paige's anguish. "I know," she replied and did the only thing she could. She pulled Paige into her arms.

Paige resisted at first, but then squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed on to Emily as Emily tightened her grip, and they sat like that for a long moment, motionless except for their breathing, shutting out everything except the warmth and solace of their embrace.

When they finally parted, Emily looked at the cocoa brown eyes, the strong brows, Paige's impossibly thick eyelashes, and wanted nothing more than to soothe the ache there. She brought both her hands up to cup Paige's face, her thumbs brushing along the singer's cheeks, attempting to rub away the sadness lingering on them, "Come on, let's go."

Paige nodded and she allowed Emily to take her hand as they stood up in unison and walked out into the chill of the evening.

* * *

Emily drove them straight to her apartment. After the conversation with Julie on the phone, she thought it would be better if the two weren't around each other.

Paige walked in, unsteady and quiet, and threw herself onto Emily's couch. "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving," Paige said suddenly.

"Yes, it is." Emily said as she went to the kitchen to pour Paige some water. "Are you going home?"

"Can't." Paige said and put her hands over her eyes as she laid there.

"What do you mean you can't? Is it too far?"

"No, my dad hates me."

Emily stopped in front of the couch, the glass in her hand. She wasn't sure what to say to that so she sat down next to Paige and put her hand on her thigh. "How can your dad hate you?" she asked softly.

"I ruined my scholarship and quit school to be in a band and make 'poor life choices' with an unsuitable girl. He doesn't ever want to see me again." Paige's voice was starting to slur as alcohol-induced sleep began to steal over her.

God! Was there anything Paige hadn't lost in all this? Emily set the water on the coffee table and grabbed a throw blanket to put over Paige. As she tucked it around the singer, Paige mumbled, "Carrie used to take care of me. You're a lot like her."

When she was sure Paige couldn't hear her, she said quietly, "No Paige. I'm nothing like Carrie. If someone like you loved me, I'd never let you go."

* * *

The next morning, Paige woke up to the sound of glass clanging in the kitchen. She took a deep breath and stretched her arms and legs out on the sofa before she sat up and looked over at the coffee table. A bottle of aspirin was next to a glass of water. _She's_ t_oo fucking good to be true._

"You're awake." Emily called from the kitchen and Paige turned to look at her and nearly stopped breathing. Emily was barefoot in soft gray shorts and a white camisole tank, black hair flowing down her back, her lean body stretched out seemingly forever as she reached in a high cabinet to retrieve something.

_Jesus, I've got to get out of here. __"_Yeah, thanks. Sorry I keep doing this to you. I'll get out of your hair."

"Don't move. You're spending the day with me. It's Thanksgiving." Emily smiled over her shoulder as she continued to make her coffee.

"I don't think-"

Emily stopped her ministrations, walked over to Paige on the couch, and sat down on the table in front of her. "You're staying," she said with finality. "The bathroom is down the hall. You can take a shower, and I'll find you some clothes to wear. Do you want some coffee?"

Emily watched the girl wrestle with herself and could sense something cracking and crumbling in Paige, like last night had been a mighty hammer blow to her wall.

"Okay, but I'm not wearing a dress."

Emily laughed and stood back up. "I dunno. I think you'd look great in a dress," she said with a grin and a wink as she walked to the bedroom to look for some sweats.

* * *

"That is the worst float I've ever seen. All they did was put stars and a ton of glitter on it. And what is that thing flying in the air next to it?" Paige and Emily were on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and Paige was commenting on what she thought was a lackluster entry.

"Hey, don't knock it," Emily responded with a nudge to Paige. "You could be performing on one of those floats someday."

"Fuck that. It's cold there."

"You would hate Christmas in Rosewood then. It's freezing. My family always keeps a fire going while we sit and drink hot chocolate on Christmas eve."

"My dad hates snow, which is why we moved to California."

Emily bit her lip for a moment, unsure whether she wanted to broach what must be a painful subject after she'd been so successful getting Paige settled. But she couldn't help asking it anyway, "Where does your dad live?"

"In Sacramento. That's where I grew up."

"What about your mom?"

"She died when I was little." Emily gasped and reached over to touch Paige's hand. "It's fine. It was a long time ago." Paige waved off Emily's sympathy.

"Are you sure your dad doesn't want to see you?"

"Positive." Paige made a move to get up. "I'm gonna grab another drink. Do you want anything?"

Emily shook her head and sighed, understanding from Paige's cue that now would be a good time to let the subject drop. "You wanna make some lunch?"

Paige looked up from her spot in front of the fridge and smiled a little, "You don't want me anywhere near the stove."

Emily chuckled, "Everyone needs to feed themselves. I'll tell you what to do and you just follow my directions. Can you do that?"

Paige just looked at her with a raised eyebrow in answer.

A few minutes later, Emily was bustling around the kitchen, giving Paige vegetables to chop while heating pans on the stove.

She looked over at Paige. "Cut them smaller. Let me show you." Emily took the knife from Paige and diced the piece of pepper. "Like this," she said.

"Man, first you call out my pool skills and then my cutting skills. You're a killer on my confidence levels."

Emily laughed and softly backhanded Paige's shoulder, "I think your confidence is very healthy." She shifted to get around Paige, "Let me just get-" She moved to the left just when Paige turned and moved to the right, effectively crashing into her. As she tried to regain her footing, Paige grabbed her around the waist to keep her from tumbling over.

"Shit, sorry-" Paige's apology died on her lips because she was suddenly looking into Emily's eyes, her face close. She could feel Emily's hands on her arms where they had grabbed her for support, and when she looked down at Emily's lips, it was like stepping off into an abyss. Her stomach dropped and she felt her knees begin to give. She pulled Emily's body closer to anchor herself to the moment.

Emily watched mesmerized as Paige's pupils dilated, her gaze drifting down to Emily's lips, and Emily was sure she was going to kiss her.

* * *

She walked up behind them as they kissed and grabbed his shoulder, swinging him around. And then she punched him in the mouth. Hard. His head whipped back, and he immediately reached up to cover his lips. Paige had never punched anyone before and the sting of pain was instant for her as well. She swore viciously as she looked at her knuckles, sliced in a few places from Craig's teeth. His bewildered stare as blood oozed from his split lip was something Paige would never forget.

"Paige-"

"No!" She barked. "You don't get to talk to me anymore."

"Paige!" This time it was Carrie's voice, and she reached out to Paige with both hands outstretched. "I'm so sorry. Please!"

A rush of adrenaline launched itself from Paige's damaged heart and pumped through her veins, rushing like ice water, freezing everything in its path. Her fury was a frozen mass, an iceberg coming up to meet her doomed relationship and demolishing its hull upon impact.

"You," Paige seethed through her teeth, "I will never forgive you." Then she turned and hurried out the door before she fractured.

* * *

Paige drew back and dropped her arms, leaving Emily shaken and unsteady on her feet. "I gotta go."

Emily was bewildered and unsure what exactly had happened, but she knew she didn't want Paige to leave, "No, please stay."

"I can't." Paige whispered as she stepped around Emily and hurried out the apartment door.

Emily wanted to scream. Why was Paige always running away from her?


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: I just want to thank everyone who has written me messages, followed my story, or reviewed my chapters. It's definitely been motivating, and it has inspired me to be more vocal about the fiction I like.**

**I hope I'm keeping you entertained!**

**Now to the fun stuff...**

**Chapter 15**

"**Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice." - Robert Frost**

It was _Serendipity's_ last concert before their Christmas break, and Emily was a bundle of nervous energy as she looked over the set list and then walked around to double- and triple-check that everything had been done properly. They were playing a few new songs that were scheduled to be on their debut album, and if the audience didn't like them, the band might have to go back in the recording studio to cut some new tracks before the album release in January. That wouldn't go over well with the new record label, and it would likely ruin Emily's vacation.

As Emily was going over her checklist again, Paige and Julie stepped out of their dressing room. Noticing Emily, Paige dropped her head and quickly brushed by without saying anything. Paige hadn't exactly been overtly rude, but she had avoided any unnecessary conversations with Emily since she bolted on Thanksgiving. Emily knew she should be grateful that the singer was putting a boundary between them that she herself was unable to draw, but she couldn't help but grieve at the loss of their connection.

Emily's attention was so focused on Paige's retreating form that she didn't see that Julie had stopped short to study her. "What the fuck is going on with you two?"

Emily's head whipped around to look at Julie, who was standing with arms akimbo, staring her down as if she had a shotgun pointed at Emily. She honestly didn't know how to answer that question. What _was_ going on with them? One minute Paige was confiding her deepest pains and showing up at her door, and the next she was an iron wall of stoicism and avoiding her.

"I don't- I can't-" Emily stuttered, unable to articulate everything into an explanation.

Julie surprisingly relented, putting up a hand to stop Emily from speaking further, "You know what? If it could be anyone, it'd be you."

Without waiting for Emily to respond, Julie walked down the hall toward the stage. Emily furrowed her brow in consternation. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

* * *

When the show was over, Craig, Carson, and Julie walked off, leaving Paige on stage for a moment longer. In her torn jeans and plain black muscle shirt, she looked like she could be an audience member, her formidable stage presence the only thing setting her apart from the sea of people below her.

"Thanks. Good night! Have a great Christmas or whatever the hell you celebrate!" Paige waved to the audience as the stage lights went off and she exited at last to raucous applause.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief. The record company couldn't possibly be unhappy with that reaction, which meant her Christmas would be hers to do as she pleased. It also meant everyone in the band would have nothing to do for several weeks, and Emily was stricken with the thought of Paige spending the time alone.

As Paige was attempting to walk by her in the wings, Emily reached out. "Stop for second, please?"

Paige looked down to where Emily's hand was splayed wide across her stomach. "What?" The word came out harsher than she intended, but she was having trouble controlling herself around Emily as it was, and the excitement after a sold out show just added to her difficulty.

"Come home with me-"

_Jesus fuck!_

"-to Rosewood for Christmas."

She could see the expression on Emily's face in the dimly lit space they occupied, and it angered her. "No. I don't need your sympathy." She pulled Emily's hand away from her body and walked around her.

* * *

"You should come with us." Julie and Paige were in their apartment, Paige lying on Julie's bed, and Julie trying to shove oversized ski clothes into a tiny suitcase on the floor.

Paige scoffed, "I'm not going skiing with you and Carson. Go play 'not girlfriend and boyfriend' and leave me out if it."

Julie ignored the unsolicited advice. "Don't do air quotes. You know how much I hate them. And what the fuck are you gonna do here with no one to clean you up? Seriously, come with us and stop being a douche about it."

Paige sighed exasperatedly, "Why am I some charity case all of a sudden? First Emily and now you."

Julie glanced up sharply, "What did Emily say?"

Paige rolled her eyes and then looked at the ceiling. "She asked me to go to Rosewood with her."

Julie stood suddenly, leaving her suitcase to flop back open. "You should go."

"What? No way. The last thing I wanna do is spend family time with people I don't know."

Julie walked over and sat down next to Paige. "Yeah, but the other people in the agency are there. No one except Carrie has met any of them, and I seriously question her judgment. You should go check them out and tell us what they're like."

"No."

"It would really help the band," she wheedled.

"Julie, no."

"I swear to God I'll kick you in the nuts if you don't go."

That made Paige chuckle, "Won't work. Don't have any."

"Everyone who is as big of a dickhead as you are has nuts." Julie giggled at her own joke and then she elbowed Paige in the ribs. "Go see the agency please. For me."

"Fine, I'll call her and tell her I changed my mind," Paige finally relented, silently acknowledging that she _wanted_ to spend time with Emily, no matter how hard it was becoming to keep her hands off the beautiful girl. "You owe me a puke cleanup though."

"Piss off." Having won the argument, Julie scrambled off the bed and restarted her impossible packing task.

* * *

Two evenings before Christmas, Paige and Emily were walking through the airport after the long flight to Rosewood. Emily was pleasantly surprised when Paige had called and agreed to come home with her for Christmas. She didn't know what had changed her mind, but she was comforted knowing she could keep the singer from being lonely during the holidays. Paige had been mostly quiet on the plane, choosing instead to look out the window, which gave Emily free reign to analyze her profile. She really was striking to look at. No wonder she had so many fans.

Hanna was coming to pick them up, insisting it be her as soon as she heard Emily was bringing Paige McCullers home for Christmas.

"Oh em gee, Em. You're seriously bringing her home?"

"Yes, I am. Everyone is gonna be gone, and I didn't wanna leave her alone. It's Christmas."

"We're totally taking her out and showing her off. This is gonna be epic!" Hanna practically squealed and Emily couldn't help but laugh.

"Easy, Hanna. She's a person, not a zoo animal." Emily bit her lip. She had no idea how Paige would do in a small place like Rosewood. And then there were her parents. They were happy to have Paige come up to the cabin, but Emily was worried at how her uptight parents might take Paige's drinking. It was too late to do anything about it now. She looked over at Paige walking beside her, hands in her pockets and leather jacket and scarf wrapped around her to shield her from the winter snow that had just started to fall.

"It's cold!" Paige said as they stood outside the terminal, hopping a little to try to warm up.

"I warned you." Emily's dimpled grin caught Paige off guard with its dazzle, the white snowflakes mimicked in the gleam of Emily's teeth. "Hanna just texted. She's at a stoplight around the corner. Walk around a little to keep warm."

Hanna's car stopped at the curb for them just as the snow started to come down in earnest. When they opened up the doors to put the suitcases in, Hanna started talking immediately, "Hi, I'm Hanna. It's so good to meet you. Carrie went on and on about how good you guys were, and then I went to see you and you were amazing!" She took a breath, "Get in! Seriously! It's freezing outside." When the girls climbed in and shut the door, she continued, "They said on the news that there might be an ice storm!"

Emily groaned, "We're supposed to head up to my parent's cabin tomorrow morning."

"I don't know, Em. Maybe we'll get lucky and it'll pass." Hanna didn't look very confident as she looked over at Emily. "But probably not."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Hanna was dropping them off at Emily's apartment, crossing her fingers as she waved, "I hope you get to leave tomorrow! Call me!" she called as she drove off.

Emily gestured for Paige to follow her as they made their way up to her apartment. When Paige stepped in, she noted the muted greens of the furniture and the soft touches of white and yellow throughout the living area, "This is definitely more what I pictured for you. The one in California just doesn't suit you."

"Spencer found that one. She and I are- uhh- different."

Paige nodded, "Hanna called you 'Em' earlier. Is that the name you go by?"

"I go by both I guess," she shrugged. "You can put your stuff in my bedroom. The bathroom is just down the hall. I'll check the weather. If there's really an ice storm, we're not going anywhere."

Paige left to go freshen up, and Emily turned on her TV. Sure enough, the weather man, a guy the locals liked to call "Scary Jerry" because he was always so animated when warning them about the weather, was on the screen flailing around and showing a big patch of warm air hitting their cold air, which was "just right for the worst ice storm he's ever seen." Great.

Emily was just getting off the phone with her mom and dad to let them know she would be late to the cabin when Paige walked back into the room.

"So?" Paige said.

"We're stuck. Sorry."

Paige surprised Emily by being affable, "Okay, then. What do you have to drink?"

Emily walked over and opened a cabinet in the kitchen and then said apologetically over her shoulder, "I don't drink whiskey, so I don't have any. Red or white wine okay?"

"Red's good."

* * *

They had just opened the second bottle of wine and were comfortably ensconced in Emily's living room on opposite ends of the couch. Emily was curled up with her feet tucked cross legged, her elbow propped on the back of the couch and her hand in her hair at her temple; Paige was sprawled along the armrest, legs out wide in front of her in her usual haphazard way. The rain outside was coming down in a steady pour, and the sound it made as it rapped along the building's roof and against the windows had mixed with the alcohol to relax them both into an easy conversation.

"So you and your high school friends didn't go to college together, but you stayed close enough to start a business when you all graduated?" Paige asked, trying to understand Emily's friendships with her business partners. "I can't even remember my high school friends' names anymore."

Emily's lips pulled up in a half smile, "We've been friends our whole lives. Good friends. We always will be."

"And none of you met anyone, got married, and moved away?"

"Nope. I wasn't even serious about anyone in college."

"So wait, you're telling me you never dated while you were in college?" Paige asked incredulously.

"I didn't say that," Emily corrected, "I said I didn't really date anyone _seriously_ in college."

Paige chuckled, "You were smarter than I was." She gestured at herself, "Now look at me."

"Mmm. Singer in a band. Groupies all over you. About to be a superstar. Terrible." Emily smiled softly at Paige as she teased her. This part of Paige, the one that actually talked instead of growled, the one that had a self-deprecating humor, the one that smiled easily- this was the part that Emily liked best.

Just then a loud snap outside caught both of their attentions, and Paige stood up from her place on the couch and went to the window to see what it was.

"Wow, that's incredible. There are sheets of ice hanging off the trees and the power lines. And it's all greenish blue. It actually kinda looks like an ocean wave." She put her hands and head against the window, feeling the icy cold against her heated skin. Emily's world was alien to her, a crystalline place of beauty where nothing Paige touched or looked at reminded her of home.

Another, much louder, crash broke the staccato rhythm of the rain, and the lights in the whole block blinked out, instantly bathing the street and the apartment in the midnight hue of the late hour.

"Damn, the power line must have broken. I have some candles somewhere. Don't move."

Emily's disembodied voice came from the area where Paige knew the couch to be, and she could hear Emily moving around, opening a drawer and fumbling within it until the sound of a match being struck was immediately followed by a blaze of light as she lit a candle. The light from the small flame illuminated Emily's face, throwing light and shadow on it as a painter would a canvas. And her face really was portrait worthy. Paige was transfixed by the vision, unable to move from her spot by the window as she watched Emily walk ethereally in the darkness.

"We need to start a fire or it's going to get really cold in here." Emily said as she began placing more candles around the room and lighting them.

Paige broke her spell, "Right," she said, and went over to the small wood stack by the fireplace and began putting logs and kindling inside.

"Do you need help or can you do it?" Emily was behind her now.

"Well, I'm not gonna do it like Benny does, but yeah, I can light a fire." Paige chuckled at Emily's lack of faith, her hand on her knee as she knelt, "Do you have a long match?"

Emily leaned over Paige's back and handed her the long candle she was holding. "Use this."

Emily's heat at her shoulders was palpable, and Paige's palms began to itch and sweat. _Brilliant. Get stuck in an ice storm, in the dark, with Emily, why don't you?_ Paige thought ruefully as she took the candle from her and then held it to the kindling until it lit. Gently blowing on the stack, she was able to start the fire, all the while aware of Emily's nearness. As she turned and stood up, she placed the candle on the mantle and dusted off her hands. "See? Even people from California can start a fire in the fireplace."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to doubt you," Emily grinned as she touched Paige's arm before turning to leave. "I'll go grab some blankets and we can huddle here. They can't even start fixing the power until the storm ends."

Paige didn't even know she had done it until Emily looked back at her with a questioning look. Her hand had somehow reached out and grabbed on to Emily's; she could see their flesh touching in the flickering light. She wanted to let go, tried to let go, but her defiant hand pulled until Emily's whole body was next to hers. She watched enraptured as Emily's gaze searched her face, only inches away now. The flames reflected in her eyes seemed to come not from the fireplace, but rather from Paige's own fiery want. She could feel Emily's breathing pick up, heating the air between them, and when Emily licked her lips, it was the final act that melted Paige's self control. _Fuck it,_ she said to herself.

She reached up and buried both hands in Emily's hair at the back of her neck before melding their mouths in a kiss that seared hotter than the fire next to them. Emily's lips were soft and pliant, and she tasted like wine and something indefinably sweet. When Paige heard her whimper softly and felt her hands come up to touch her sides, she was lost to the desire igniting within her and spreading along her skin. It was like nothing Paige had ever experienced, a sudden all-consuming need to claim Emily with her mouth, feasting on her, drawing in every word they had ever spoken, every look that had passed between them, every touch they had shared.

Emily held on to Paige, swept up in the fierce kisses. Her mind flashed to each moment she had felt Paige's body before this one, remembering the relief she had felt when Paige moved under her hands in the alley, the moment she held Paige's naked torso after escaping the club, the comforting embrace they shared in the Haven, the near kiss in her apartment. The memories made Emily grab desperately at Paige now, her fingers digging into the muscles and sinew with abandon, claiming her with a sudden bruising want.

The storm outside began to pound harder on the roof, its icy fury seemingly intent on entering the apartment and cooling the passion beginning to blaze within. Paige pushed Emily roughly up against the wall, her hands slamming against it, barring Emily from moving if she were to try. Their lips crashed together over and over as Emily clutched a fistful of Paige's shirt with one hand and wound into her hair with the other.

Paige molded herself tighter against the other girl, chest heaving as it fought to keep up with her sudden need for air. The feel of Emily's body was intense, but Paige needed to be closer. She reached down and lifted one of Emily's legs, hiking it up until it wrapped around her waist and then she levered her body in the space between her thighs. Paige's teeth scraped along the flesh of the other girl's neck, and she could feel the pulse leap under her mouth.

Emily's head was spinning, the driving beat of the rain matching the thrum of her desire as she clung to Paige. She could feel herself losing control, especially when Paige pressed between her legs, and she needed a moment of respite before she was completely lost. She wanted this. She wasn't sure when it happened, maybe that first day, maybe that time they went to the bonfire, maybe all the little moments had added together to build to this, but Emily knew she desired Paige, and she was tired of brushing it off, of denying it when it was so blatantly clear to everyone.

Emily didn't watch over Paige because she had to, didn't worry about her, didn't touch her, didn't ache for her pain because it was her job. She felt something powerful for the girl who was now ravishing her with abandon, and this act could take her down a heart-rending path with the singer. Did she dare?

She pulled Paige away from her neck, her hand on Paige's jaw as she looked in her eyes. "Are we doing this?" she whispered, her glance moving from Paige's eyes down to her mouth and back up.

_Jesus fuck. Don't ask me that. Just let me get this out of my system so I can stop wanting you._

Paige closed her eyes tightly. Having sex with Emily was a supremely stupid idea, and it would complicate everything unnecessarily. Emily wasn't a one-night stand. Paige would have to see her every day. Interact with her. Place her future in her hands. Paige knew that she should stop. Absolutely, she should move away from the body wrapped around her and get as far away from this mess as possible.

She opened her eyes again to look at Emily, seeing her face flush with desire, her kiss-swollen lips wet and panting.

"Yes." she said as she kissed her hard again, her hand coming between them to lift Emily's shirt and fumble with her zipper. They parted only long enough for Paige to pull the shirt from Emily's body and yank her pants from her legs. When the offending garments were tossed aside, Paige leaned back into Emily and reached down to place her hand on the center of Emily's need.

Paige could feel Emily's wetness through her underwear, and she quickly pulled it aside as she slipped her fingers into the velvety warmth underneath. They both groaned out loud, and Emily wrapped her arms tightly around Paige's neck as her kisses became more urgent and unfocused. Paige's stomach twisted tightly and she fought herself, prolonging her caresses in the exquisite folds even as her whole body shook with the need to reach inside.

Emily's leg came up to wrap around Paige's hips again, and she tore her lips away before loudly begging, "Now. Please. Now!"

Paige entered her swiftly and fully, and it robbed Emily of breath, her head falling back against the wall and her eyes slamming shut at the feeling of being filled. "Oh God," she moaned, digging her fingers in Paige's hair and pulling her head to her chest.

Then Paige began to move, softly at first, kissing the smooth skin on Emily's collarbone as she started a slow rhythm. The feeling of finally being inside the girl, of Emily's essence bathing her palm was a heady power trip. Paige moaned and bit down on Emily's neck as she sped up, pumping in and out with more force. A tree limb cracked and ice broke beyond the windows as if their energy was flowing out and splintering the world around them.

Emily was gasping for breath and grasping for something, anything to hold onto while Paige stoked the raging fire inside. Her hands roamed over Paige's back, through her hair, yanking her closer, urging her on as she felt the familiar tightness grow. Her body began to arch, the bowstring inside growing more and more taught until finally with one more thrust it snapped, releasing her like an arrow and she cried out as it pierced her, shattering her conscious thoughts and sending her spiraling with its force.

Paige rode out Emily's orgasm, holding her tightly and keeping her upright until she stopped pulsing around her fingers. Emily lowered her leg and dropped her head to Paige's chest as her breathing and heartbeat began to return to normal.

After a moment of quiescence while they both regained their senses, Paige caught Emily's chin and brought her face up, and the look there was almost Paige's undoing. It was so open and vulnerable that she couldn't stop herself from leaning in and kissing Emily reverently, the gift Paige had just been given profoundly affecting her.

_Fuck_, she thought. _I knew this trip was a bad idea._


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." - Ambrose Bierce**

Now that it was over, the guilt began to set in, and Paige knew she needed to say something. "Emily-" she began.

Emily, who had been nuzzling Paige's neck in the afterglow, glanced up at the odd tone in Paige's voice. The regret shining on the singer's face was obvious, and it made her angry. "No." she said, interrupting Paige and pushing her roughly away. "Don't you _dare _apologize to me." Then she walked stiffly over and gathered up her shirt and pants where they had been carelessly flung. "There are blankets in the hall closet," she threw back behind her as she stalked to her bedroom and slammed the door.

Standing there dumbly at first, Paige finally found her voice. "Emily!" she called too late. _Goddamn it!_

* * *

At some point the next morning, Paige woke up on the couch- cold- with a merciless headache and a hollow pang in her chest. She opened her eyes and stared at the fireplace that contained nothing more than a few glowing embers. The icy rain had stopped sometime in the night as she huddled under the blankets. Emily hadn't come out of her room, and Paige hadn't tried to talk to her through the door. What would happen this morning, she had no idea. For the past two years, she hadn't seen a girl for more than a few hours at a time and was woefully out of practice with the whole "morning after" talks, especially when the girl in question was pissed at her. Paige crawled off the couch and began to remake the fire. At least she could do this.

In her bedroom, Emily was staring at the ceiling in the relative darkness of the early morning. She'd barely slept, she was cold, and she was hurt. What had she hoped to get out of last night? Certainly not Paige. Clearly Paige wasn't capable of having any meaningful relationships. She was too frightened and too stubborn to make time for anyone after Carrie, and now Emily had become one of her flings. Dammit! If only she could stop the crushing ache squeezing her lungs.

When Emily walked out into the living room, the fire was going again, and Paige was near the window, her head leaning on it as she looked out, a cup of coffee in her hand. "I made a pot," she mentioned, pointing to her cup as she continued to watch the motionless scene outside. "Good thing you have a gas stove."

"Thanks," was the other girl's somber reply.

Paige turned then and saw the distress in Emily's face, "Listen, Em- Emily," she corrected when Emily's head jerked at the sound of her shortened name on Paige's lips, "I'm sorry about last night. I was out of line. It shouldn't have happened. It's my fault. I just- I can't-" Her words tumbled out of her in stilted sentences as she tried to explain.

Emily's head bowed down and she placed her hands on the nearby counter for support, "I told you not to apologize, and I meant it. We _both _made the mistake." She choked on that last word before continuing, "Let's just try to move past it, okay?"

Paige nodded, "Okay." She knew last night had been a mistake, but when Emily had confirmed it, for some reason, the word wrenched her chest.

"I'm going to make some calls. Maybe someone has power."

"Okay," Paige said again, turning back around to look outside.

* * *

"Hi, Mom," Emily said into the phone as she sat on her bed rubbing her forehead and trying to smooth out her own frown.

"What's wrong?" Her mom's question was sharp and immediate upon hearing her daughter's voice.

"Nothing's wrong," she demurred, "We don't have power here because the storm knocked it out. How's everything at the cabin?"

"Fine. Your father is getting a little stir crazy, though, so we're thinking of heading back. Would you be okay with having Christmas at our house instead? Would that be okay with your friend?"

Paige her friend? Not exactly. "Yeah, that's fine. The Hastings are having their New Year's Eve party. We can go to that if that's okay."

"Of course, honey. We'll call when we get to the house."

Emily hung up the phone and flopped down on the bed and began dialing another number. Her next call was to Hanna.

"Holy crap! You don't have power? It must suck. What did you guys do last night?"

"Uhh, just hung around. We were tired so we went to bed early." Emily's heart began beating rapidly as memories came flooding back of what they had really done, and she needed to change the subject fast, "My parents are coming into town instead, so we'll be here for Christmas and New Years."

Hanna squealed. "Perfect! There's a huge Christmas Eve party at Spice tonight. We are so totally going!" Spice was a club near the Hollis campus just outside of town. A few of the bands they represented had played there before, and Emily knew it to be the local hotspot.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Hanna."

"Why? What's wrong? Are you sick? Paige McCullers is staying with you. Come on! We can invite some of our other clients to come meet her. It's perfect for business!"

She couldn't exactly explain to Hanna what the problem was, and going to a club would mean she wouldn't be with Paige alone for another night. Maybe the party wasn't such a terrible idea. "On second thought, I think we should go."

"Awesome! Wear something hot!"

* * *

The rest of the morning, Paige barely spoke and Emily didn't know what to say. It was as if the cold from outside had finally made its way into the apartment and frozen the inhabitants. So when Spencer called after hearing that Emily and Paige were staying in town, and that they were without power, Emily thankfully agreed to meet her for lunch so Spencer could be introduced to Paige.

"You swam at Stanford?" Spencer had asked as she sipped her wine at lunch, noting how quickly Paige was drinking her second glass of Jack Daniels.

Paige nodded and took a big gulp, "Yeah, I had a scholarship."

"You must have been good. What made you quit? Liked drinking too much?" Spencer said pointedly.

Paige didn't take the bait. "Nope. I was a captain, but I had to choose between school and the band."

* * *

Julie and Paige were sitting in the head coach's office, nervous at the summons. They had skipped practice this weekend to play a gig in West Hollywood and as co-captains, they were sure to catch the brunt of their coach's ire.

When she walked in behind them, the two bowed their heads in proper submission.

"You know why you're here. What I wanna know is, why weren't you there?" She sat down on the corner of her desk in front of them, and clasped her hands in her lap.

Paige spoke up, "It's my fault. My girlfriend booked a gig really far away, and I convinced Julie to go."

"A gig?" Their coach looked surprised.

Paige nodded, "Yeah, we're in a band."

"Both of you?"

Julie and Paige nodded quietly in unison.

Their coach looked at them, disappointed. "You can't miss practice for a band. It's ridiculous. It's unacceptable. You two let your teammates down. " She shook her head, "You're captains." She paused and looked each of them in the eye, "No, strike that. You _were_ captains. As of this moment, you aren't. And I'm pulling you off anchor, Paige."

Paige stood up, "That's fine. I accept it, and I'll earn your trust back, Coach. I promise."

* * *

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "That's all in the past now. It is what it is."

Seeing Paige's discomfort, cognizant of the alcohol she had consumed, and knowing Spencer's penchant for prying, Emily attempted to change the subject before the singer became surly. "Spencer, when's the album release date? Did you nail it down yet?"

Spencer raised an eyebrow but didn't ask any more questions. "It's a surprise," she had said with her smug grin. "A good one."

Now Spencer was sitting and entertaining a few clients in the VIP section of Spice, and Emily, looking sophisticated and sleek in the neon glow of the club lights in a white sheath dress and matching heels, was standing on the dance floor with Hanna, and they were politely making conversation with a couple of admiring young men that came up to greet them.

Aria had made her way to the bar with Paige. "So," said Aria as they waited for the bartender to make their order. "You and Emily have really gotten to know each other."

Paige glanced quickly over, but then determined it was an innocent question. "Yeah, she follows me around a lot and tells me what to do," she said gruffly before grabbing her drink and turning to look at the dance floor.

Aria's eyebrows shot up at the rude retort, but Paige wasn't in the mood to answer more questions about her relationship with Emily, especially after last night. Besides, she was starting to feel the familiar effects of the alcohol she'd consumed and glanced around looking for a distraction. _Maybe something blonde- Whoops! No, that's Hanna. Who's she talking to? Waitaminute- Who's Emily talking to?_

"Excuse me," Paige mumbled as she grabbed her drink and headed toward her manager.

When Hanna saw the stormy look on Paige's face as she moved towards them, she nudged Emily. "What's up with dark and gloomy headed over here?" she said into her ear.

Emily looked over to see Paige making her way through the crowd. The familiar black leather jacket seemed to soak in the lights of the club instead of reflecting them, giving the illusion that the singer was walking in her own personal night. Her unruly hair cast part of her face in shadow, but Emily could see the dangerous glint in her eyes, and Emily realized too late that Paige had shifted into one of her more caustic moods. Dammit!

When Paige reached them, she downed her drink in one large mouthful, and then turned to the two young guys who were now staring at her. "Get the fuck out of here," she snarled as she pushed the closest one hard enough that he had to take a step back.

"Paige!"

Emily grabbed Paige's arm and tried to pull her away, but Paige yanked out of her grip and turned toe-to-toe with Emily, her face close enough that Emily could feel her breath and smell the whiskey as Paige cruelly said, "Touching me is a _mistake, _remember_?_" Emily paled at the use of the word, the reference to their earlier conversation clear, and she blinked several times, trying to keep the tears that welled up from falling.

"Paige." She whispered her name this time, the hurt obvious in her tone as she reached unconsciously to touch Paige, needing to ground herself and somehow heal the rift that was growing between them with each new silence they kept, each new damaging word they spoke.

Before Emily could make contact, the singer swore under her breath and backed away just as Spencer's voice began to speak through a microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you're here for a special night. _Serendipity's _lead singer, Paige McCullers, is here with us, and they're releasing their single from their debut album 'Shock and Awe.' You get to hear it first! Merry Christmas!" The spotlight found the place that Hanna, Emily, and Paige were standing in, and the crowd began to clap loudly.

Caught, Paige shifted into her stage mode and held up her hands to wave as the song began to play. When the spotlight turned off, she quickly pushed her way through the crowd to the VIP table, her anger still apparent in her face as she began a heated discussion with Spencer.

Hanna clapped politely, and then grabbed Emily's shoulder, "Holy crap! What was that all about?"

"I don't know," Emily lied as she attempted to discreetly wipe away a tear. "She's drunk."

"Man, you weren't kidding about her. She looked like she was about to punch those guys. You're like, a _saint _for dealing with that."

Emily didn't respond, instead making her way to the table where Spencer had her arms crossed as she argued with Paige, a befuddled Aria looking between the two of them.

"David Myers approved it. It's a good idea to do a little soft release before a national one, and this was a great opportunity. It helps everyone." Spencer was calm but clearly annoyed.

Paige growled and stuck her finger in Spencer's face, "Never ambush me like that again, or I will quit this whole fucking thing. This is _my_ life, and you and Emily aren't part of it."

"Noted." Spencer remarked, her tone flat.

Paige whipped back around, glanced at Emily who was standing there stunned, and then drove herself into the crowd as it collapsed around her, the people trying to capture her attention, her photo, her essence, as she pushed through them.

"Should we go after her?" Aria asked, still confused.

Emily shook her head. "No, let her go."

* * *

When the doorbell rang at her parents' house, Emily jumped up from her seat on the couch and bolted over to answer it.

Paige had disappeared last night, and when the girls hadn't found her by the time they left the club, Emily forced herself to go home instead of looking for Paige, playing cool and convincing her friends that Paige would be okay. She hadn't convinced herself, however, and she spent a sleepless night waffling between being furious and terrified, warring with her heart to keep from running out into the night and looking for the other girl.

In the morning when there was still no sign of her, she texted Paige, letting her know where the spare key to her apartment was and the address to her parents' house if she wanted to come over to spend Christmas dinner with her family. Then she had driven over and made excuses for Paige's absence.

She swung the door inward and saw Paige standing on the other side of it, looking penitent on the porch with her hands in the pockets of her jacket. Paige was alive and sober, and Emily gasped, expelling the fear she had been holding in as she pulled Paige into a fierce hug.

"I'm glad you're okay," she choked out into Paige's hair, forgetting for a moment the awkwardness between them.

She felt Paige's arms come around her back and squeeze her tightly. "I'm fine. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Emily?" Mrs. Fields was behind them now, and Emily released Paige and turned to look at her mom, who was wearing a perplexed expression.

"Mom, this is Paige McCullers. Paige, this is my mom, Pam Fields."

Paige held out her hand to shake, "Mrs. Fields, thank you so much for allowing me to come over for Christmas. I'm really sorry I'm late. I had some personal matters to attend to."

"Please call me Pam, and it's wonderful to have you." Emily's mom smiled widely and pulled Paige into an embrace. "Merry Christmas! Please come in."

They walked into the living room, and Emily's father stood up to greet them.

"I'm Wayne," he said with an outstretched hand, and and then he offered Paige a seat and a drink.

"It's nice to meet you." Paige said as she said down in the seat, looking intently at Emily's parents and seeing from whom she got all of her features.

"So Emily tells me you're in the band that just signed the contract..."

* * *

As they talked through the afternoon, Paige observed Emily with her parents. Her father was likable and kind, Emily called him "daddy" when she spoke to him, and he made Paige miss her own father unbearably.

Emily's mother chatted amiably and asked Paige all about her life in California without seeming to pry, making it easy to talk of the good times at Stanford and with her dad, and even of some of the early mistakes the band made as they were learning the ropes. Emily seemed like a daddy's girl, but Paige could tell that her mother cared a great deal and that they too had a special bond.

When dinner was ready a few hours later, Paige came in from the kitchen carrying a dish to the table while laughing at something Mrs. Fields had said.

Emily, pouring wine for everyone, looked up at the sound of Paige's laughter. Paige had been utterly charming today, and her smile reminded Emily of the times when she was a little kid lighting sparklers in the back yard for the Fourth of July. It was dazzling. And when Paige's eyes landed on her from across the table, it was like the sparkler was somehow inside of Emily, flaring up and shooting its glowing particles into her chest. Emily cleared her throat and looked away, breaking the eye contact and trying again to focus on dinner and the conversation her parents were carrying on.

After dinner, Paige excused herself, and as soon as she was out of earshot, Emily's mother turned to her daughter. "I thought she was just a client."

Emily gulped down the wine she had in her mouth and responded, "She is."

Her mother frowned at her, "I'm your mother. I see the way you two have been looking at each other."

She groaned, "Mom, I can't get into this with you. We're friends, yes. But that's it."

Pam Fields clucked her tongue and gave Emily a dubious look. "Don't lie to your mother, honey."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**"There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable." - Mark Twain**

"Thank you for today." Emily was behind the wheel of her car as she drove them back to her apartment. "You were great with my parents."

"No problem. I figured I owed you." Paige had her hand outstretched, her fingertips touching the passenger window while she looked out, noting how the glistening snow mimicked the twinkle of the stars in the black winter night. She was thinking about her dad, wondering what he was doing on the other side of the country. Was he home? Was he alone?

"Your parents are really great. It seems like you have a good relationship," Paige commented pensively, and then looked over to Emily, whose profile showed dimly in the lights of the car's dashboard.

Emily nodded, "We do, yeah. Even with my dad being gone a lot, we worked hard to talk all the time. It carried over into my adulthood, I guess."

"You're lucky."

* * *

"What do you mean you're quitting school?" he thundered, rising from the kitchen table. "You have a scholarship at Stanford for chrissake!"

Paige closed her eyes. She'd gone over this conversation a million times in her head on her drive to Sacramento. "Dad, this is what I want to do. Carrie and I want the band to be our focus. We really think we can make it. We're good, Dad."

"You're _children,_" he spat. "Get a degree, Paige. Then go chase this dream on the weekends while you can pay your bills with a real job!"

"Carrie thinks-"

"Paige, don't do this for a girl you met in college. Things change. Feelings change."

Paige stood up, stubbornly thrusting her shoulders back and facing him down, "Mine won't."

"Oh yeah? What about _her_ feelings then? Don't you dare come home with your tail between your legs when it doesn't happen the way you think."

He was wrong. Everything always worked out. This whole thing had been a series of serendipitous events. She _knew_ she was making the right choice. She was lucky that way.

* * *

Paige looked back out into the darkness beyond the headlights before closing her eyes against the pain of the memory.

They rode in silence for a few minutes, Emily somehow understanding that Paige was thinking about her dad after the overload of her own family. Paige was gracious today- so sharply juxtaposed to her behavior last night. God! Paige had been especially cruel before she left the club to go- _somewhere_, and even though Emily promised herself she wouldn't ask, fought herself to keep quiet, her question escaped anyway. "Where were you last night?"

"Around," Paige said cryptically. In actuality, she had spent the night in a hotel because she didn't trust herself to be alone with Emily while she was intoxicated, especially now that she knew what it felt like to taste her lips, to touch intimately, to hear her moan. _Jesus, stop thinking about it already._

Emily desperately wanted to know if Paige had been alone, but she wouldn't dig because she was also desperately afraid of the answer. She was wading in very deep water where Paige was concerned, and the undertow was threatening to pull her underwater at the slightest misstep.

* * *

The next morning, Emily sat next to Paige on the couch and gently shook her awake. When Paige's sleepy brown eyes opened full of childlike confusion, Emily had a strong urge to lean down to kiss her and climb under the blanket to feel her body and her warmth. Instead, she said lowly, "Hey, I need to go to the office while I'm here in town. I'll catch a ride with Hanna and leave you the keys to my car in case you wanna go somewhere. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

Paige nodded groggily, and then snuggled back into the pillow and closed her eyes. Emily wasn't sure if she would even remember the conversation when she woke again.

Emily needn't have worried. When Paige opened her eyes a few hours later, she distinctly remembered what it had felt like to wake up to Emily's face. It was the same caring look that had saved her in the alley. Only now, she could fully appreciate it because she wasn't hung over. Paige thought about that for a moment. The last two Christmases she'd spent without her dad, she'd been so blindly drunk that she couldn't remember several days afterward. This Christmas, she hadn't.

_Because of Emily._ _Fuck me. I've gotta get out of here, _she realized suddenly.

She gathered up her things in the apartment and called a cab. With all the little indie bands at the nearby college, she could find someone to crash with as a favor. _Serendipity's _rising success had to account for something.

* * *

"Is Paige coming?" Hanna asked from her place near the kitchen sink.

The girls were standing in Spencer's parents' kitchen, as they had many times before as children with Kool-Aid, and then as teenagers with frozen yogurt. Tonight for the New Years' Eve party, they had wine in their hands, but the place and their presence within it still held the nostalgia of their friendship. Aria and Spencer were leaning next to each other with their elbows on the counter, and Emily was near the refrigerator with her arms crossed around her body.

Emily shrugged. She hadn't seen or heard from Paige since getting a curt text explaining she was staying with some guys she met from a local band. It had sounded like a brush off, and Emily, stung by the sudden callousness of it, hadn't made an effort to talk with Paige since. If Paige didn't want to spend time with her, Emily would oblige. "I don't know. I left her a message, but I haven't heard from her since Christmas."

Hanna snorted, "She's probably drunk, or like doin' with some girl somewhere."

Spencer rolled her eyes and turned to look at her blonde friend. "Classy, Hanna."

"Oh please, you were thinking it too." Hanna grinned suddenly and turned to Emily, "Speaking of girl sex, did you see Mr. Hastings' new intern, Em? I think she was checking you out."

Emily, stricken by the thought of Paige with someone else on New Year's Eve, felt her knees give way just the slightest bit, and she stepped forward to put her wine down before she dropped it. She didn't even register Hanna's question.

Spencer stood up, "Yeah, she plays for Emily's team. You want to be introduced to her, Emily?"

She heard her name and tried to stop the movie reels playing in her mind about possible places and positions Paige might be in instead of being here. "What? Sure," she responded absently.

Spencer walked around the counter and took Emily by the elbow, "Come on. Her name is Diana. Let's all go say hi."

The other girls filed out behind them while Aria, shrewdly and quietly watching Emily, brought up the rear of the pack.

* * *

"So you guys represent bands? That's pretty interesting. What's it like?" Diana, an elegant girl with close-cropped hair and blue eyes, directed her question to Emily as they all stood in a group talking after having converged on Diana in the living room.

Emily was busy taking stock of the people in Spencer's house. She saw Mr. and Mrs. Hastings in a group of their friends, laughing and jovially clapping at a story Spencer's dad was telling. Over in the corner of the room, Melissa Hastings had been caught talking to Rick from _Crash_, and by the look on her face, Rick hadn't changed his mind about the dangers of bathing. Hanna's mom was huddled talking to her fiance, a preacher, and Aria's father was alone, perusing the selection of books on a shelf in front of him while sipping on what Emily assumed was scotch. Everything seemed just as it should. They'd all played out this similar scene for years. But tonight the person Emily was looking for wasn't there, and her absence was a stark reminder to Emily that she was quickly falling for someone who wouldn't be there to catch her.

When Emily failed to respond to Diana, Hanna stepped in for her. "It's great," she enthused, "Emily actually manages them, so she spends a lot of time with celebrities."

Realizing they were talking about her again, Emily stopped scanning the room, pushing down her disappointment by shaking her head a little and smiling wide enough to show her dimples. "I've been traveling a lot to California. We're representing _Serendipity."_

_"_Really?" Diana looked impressed, "You've met Paige McCullers?"

Emily couldn't help the tightness in her chest at hearing the name, but she nodded her head. "Yes."

"What's she like?"

What was Paige like? She was like leather and sunrise and ice and torture and craving. "She's nice." And suddenly Emily couldn't do it, couldn't stand here chatting about Paige like it wasn't making her ache with each breath. "Would you excuse me please?"

She quickly turned and walked out of the living room and onto the empty front porch. Her friends, sensing something was wrong, politely excused themselves as well and followed her outside.

The three girls made a semi-circle on the porch, a human wall of questioning looks. Hanna was the first to offer advice to Emily, who was now standing near the railing with her arms crossed tightly around her to ward off the cold winter night. **"**Em, we get that you suck at meeting girls. But you really need to get back on the horse. Or saddle. Or whatever gay people do, and stop brushing girls off. Seriously, are you like celebrate now?" Hanna asked.

"Celibate," Emily corrected automatically, and then she gasped, a cloud of vapor bursting from her lips as her warm breath hit the chilled air outside.

Getting out of a cab on the street in front of the house was Paige, her black clothing amplifying the smoldering look in her eyes as she stared at Emily and walked toward the group with a swagger and a purpose. When their eyes locked, Emily could swear she felt the nearby snow catch fire as she remembered the way Paige had kissed her senseless, had touched her intimately until she'd begged for more. She instinctually took a step toward the singer.

Aria caught the look that passed between them, and snatched Emily's hand, dragging her away. "Come with me."

* * *

"You know how sometimes you do something really stupid, and you know it's stupid, but you do it anyway because you can't help yourself?" Emily said after Aria sat them down on Spencer's old bed upstairs and bluntly asked Emily what was going on.

"Uhh. Yeah. Remember how I met Ezra?"

Emily bowed her head, "Paige and I kind of slept together."

"Whoa."

"I don't know what I was thinking, Aria." Emily shook her head and picked at a loose thread on the blanket in front of her. She felt so out of control. Paige was downstairs right now, looking wild and alluring, and all Emily wanted to do was tug her into a dark corner and kiss her until she couldn't remember the reasons she shouldn't.

"Is it more than just a- a _physical_ thing?" Aria questioned, her mouth scrunched to the side as she tried to understand the situation.

Emily thought for a moment and then put her face in her hands. "For me, yes."

"What does Paige feel?"

"Nothing. She's still hung up on her ex." Emily could feel herself start to shake as she began to comprehend the enormity of her predicament.

"Oh Em," Aria comforted as she reached out and pulled Emily into a hug.

"Please don't tell Spencer. I just need to get myself sorted out." Emily pulled out of her friend's embrace after a few moments and wiped at tears that had managed to leak out. "It's already over. It never really began."

Aria gave Emily a sympathetic look and touched Emily's shoulder, "I don't know what it is, Emily. But whatever is between you is not over."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**"The tiger springs in new year. Us he devours." - T.S. Eliot**

Paige needed to see Emily. _Where the fuck did Aria take her?_

As Paige had mounted the porch, Spencer descended upon her and took her inside to meet the clients in attendance. Paige hadn't even had a chance to explain why she was there. At the moment, she was being pulled along as if by string, forcing out trite phrases and smiles, and while Paige stayed polite if a little terse, she really wanted to club Spencer over the head caveman style so she could go do what she came here to do.

"Diana, this is Paige McCullers. We were just speaking to Diana about you earlier, Paige." Spencer had left Diana for last because if their earlier conversation was any indication, Diana would be more than happy to spend time with Paige. Spencer shrewdly realized she could kill two birds with one stone; she wouldn't have to put up with the prickly singer anymore, and she would score points with her dad's intern.

"Were you?" Paige asked distractedly as she extended her hand.

Diana nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. I was very excited to hear that Spencer's agency is managing your band. I went to UC Berkeley for grad school, so suffice it to say, I'm a fan of _Serendipity_."

Spencer took the opportunity to cut in, "If you don't mind, I'll leave Paige here with you. I see some empty champagne glasses and it's nearly midnight."

Diana smiled widely and then touched Paige's shoulder. "I'll gladly entertain her for you, Spencer." She turned back to Paige. "So it sounds to me like I'll be hearing you on the radio soon..." She began, and Paige groaned inwardly.

* * *

As Emily and Aria rounded the landing on their way downstairs, Hanna met them with champagne flutes.

"Where have you guys been? It's getting close to midnight, and you know how I hate being alone on New Year's." Hanna's boyfriend Travis didn't like to go out on holidays because he was afraid of drunk drivers, and Hanna hated to stay in, so they had agreed to not spend the evening together. But that didn't stop Hanna from attempting to get sympathy points.

"Sorry," Aria piped up. "We were just talking about Ezra." It wasn't a total lie; she _had_ mentioned him briefly.

Hanna looked skeptically at Aria. "Oh yeah, what is Ezra doing with himself when he's not in Rosewood?"

Aria sighed, "New York is very important for his research right now. He'll come back when he's done. But let's not talk about it anymore. I just want to enjoy tonight with you guys."

"You brought him up." Hanna shrugged and took a sip of champagne as the girls made their way into the living room again. "Boy, she works fast," she said suddenly, seeing Paige talking to Diana.

When Aria saw to whom Hanna was referring, she quickly glanced at Emily, who had stopped walking, had perhaps stopped breathing she was so still. "Uhh, you should go say hi," she encouraged as she nudged Emily in the small of her back.

Emily shook herself a little and absently smoothed down the pale pink silk dress she was wearing. Paige was talking to Diana, who was obviously a very devoted fan by the way she touched and smiled and giggled at Paige, and even though it shouldn't, it still caused a bubble of jealousy to well up inside of Emily. It wasn't like this was the first time she'd seen Paige flirt with a girl, and it wouldn't be the last. This was who Paige was, and no matter how much Emily cared about her, Paige didn't return the feelings, and likely never would. Emily sucked in a breath. It was time to face reality and put this thing with Paige behind her.

Paige could feel the weight of someone's gaze, and she turned away from whatever insipid thing the girl in front of her was saying, her eyes unerringly finding the source. _Emily_. Her time spent without Emily in Rosewood had been barren and boring in contrast to her moments with her, but it had also been _safe_. And Paige needed safe because the way her body reacted to Emily's presence was decidedly dangerous. But now that they were so close, the whole room bloomed with more vibrant color, and Paige greedily drank in the sight of the girl in a petal-soft pink dress across the room. Emily was running her hand through her hair, and when their eyes met, she gave a small wave before beginning to walk toward her. _Finally._

"I see you two have met," said Emily as she came up to greet them. Paige noted the false brightness in her voice, the subtle stiffness in Emily's body, and the way she rubbed her arm, a nervous habit she affected when she was uncomfortable.

_What's wrong with her? _ Paige asked herself. _No, you can't ask her that. You need to stay away from anything personal._

Diana smiled graciously, her annoyance at the interruption only vaguely visible, "Yes, I was just saying how much fun it would be to have a _Serendipity_ concert here in Rosewood. Don't you think, Emily?"

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but Paige interrupted before she could. "I need to talk to my manager alone for a moment."

"But the ball is about to drop," Diana pouted.

"Unfortunately, it can't wait." She took Emily by the waist and ushered her away without another nod to Diana.

* * *

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me," Emily huffed when Paige finally pushed her into Mr. Hastings' empty study, its dark decor reflecting Emily's rapidly deteriorating mood. First Paige appeared out of nowhere, then she hijacked her from the party, and now here they were alone- a situation Emily did not want to be in given her earlier revelation to Aria. Emily propped herself against the large stately desk and crossed her arms, balancing the champagne flute against her shoulder.

"Why would you think that?" Paige said as she began clenching and unclenching her fists across the room; the sudden quiet and Emily's unease was making it hard not to cross the space and wrap her in a comforting embrace.

"I left you in my apartment one morning, and that evening you're gone and I don't hear from you for a week." Emily's voice came out harsh and accusatory. "That's why I think that."

"I had things to do." Paige scowled and added pacing to her repertoire.

Emily adjusted her arms and frowned back at Paige. If Paige wanted to lie to her, then that was fine. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Carrie is going to come with us on tour," Paige said suddenly, stopping her pacing to look at a book-laden shelf on one side of the room, refusing to meet Emily's eyes.

Wait, _what_? "Why?" Emily asked nonplussed.

"Because I talked to Carson and Julie today. Craig told them he doesn't want to leave Carrie behind, especially when they get married." Paige winced as she explained herself, "You and I both know that we will be all over the country for this debut tour, and he's right. She shouldn't go through her first pregnancy alone. I need you to get a tour bus that'll accommodate her. It has to be nice. Tell David Myers I'll do whatever he wants to make that happen."

Paige wanted Carrie on a bus with her on tour? For months? God! She was about to become a huge star but was still willing to sacrifice herself for Carrie. Emily felt the pain of knowing she had been right: no one would ever mean as much to Paige as the blonde did.

Just then, the countdown to midnight began; the shouts from the party members loud even in this deserted area of the house. Ten... Nine... Eight… Seven….

Emily bowed her head and said to the floor, "Fine. I'll do it. Anything else while we're at it?"

Six… Five… Four… Three…

Paige couldn't help herself. She crossed the room to Emily.

When Emily felt a warm hand on her chin, she looked up into Paige's inscrutable brown eyes as a heartbeat began to thud loudly in her ears. She didn't know if it was Paige's or her own.

Two… One...

"Happy New Year," Paige said in a low rasp before she dropped her hand and turned and walked out of the room.

When she was alone once more, Emily set down her champagne flute, grasped the edge of the desk tightly with both hands, and tried to quell her rampant emotions. She felt as if there were a war being waged inside of her chest, great stampedes of cavalry were trodding over her heart, knives and swords were clashing and stabbing her lungs. She put a hand to her sternum to try to stop the pain of the battle.

* * *

"There you are!" Hanna exclaimed as she walked into the study. "I've been looking all over for you. You missed the ball drop!"

Emily rubbed her forehead, "Yeah, sorry. Paige needed to talk to me."

Hanna raised her eyebrows, "About what?"

"She wants Carrie to go on tour with them." Emily grabbed the glass next to her and downed it in one swallow, attempting to wash down the despair that was threatening to make her cry in front of her friend. "Did you know Carrie is pregnant?"

Hanna clapped her hands and smiled wide, "No! I didn't. That's totally fantastic!"

Emily nodded slowly, "Yeah. Fantastic. Now I have to find a tour bus that'll accommodate a pregnant girl."

Hanna came over to the desk and leaned on it next to her, "Hey, you're great at this stuff. Just remind that record exec how amazing the band is. They're gonna make everyone rich. I seriously can't wait to start buying shoes- Man! Carrie has to be incredibly happy about all this," Hanna said, suddenly wistful, "All she wanted in college was to settle down and have kids."

Emily frowned at that, "Did she ever tell you she dated Paige?"

Hanna's mouth dropped open, "Holy crap! No! I mean, I knew she was messing around with some chick, but you know how college is. I mean- Not that being gay is a phase or anything, but like- you know, right? It wasn't anything serious." Hanna suddenly brightened, "So that's how Carrie met Craig! How cool!"

Emily sighed heavily. When they got back to California, she was going to have a discussion with Carrie about Paige, and if their last conversation was any indication, it wasn't going to be pleasant.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**"****Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence."- William Blake**

"I'm gonna miss you times a million," Hanna said as she hugged Emily.

They were in Emily's apartment. Leaning by the door were her bags, packed for the last trip she would need to make to California for a while. She just had to set up the tour dates and make the final preparations before sending the band on their debut album tour, and then she would be free. "I'll miss you too, but then I'll be back for good."

"Are you sure I can't take you to the airport?"

Emily shook her head, "No, Paige said she would have the cab swing by and pick me up."

"Okay," Hanna put her lip out in a mock pout, "But if Paige flakes, call me. I'll be at the office because Aria made some new business cards that I need to pick up. They have _Serendipity's _logo on them." Hanna grinned then, "This is so cool! Okay. I gotta go." With one final hug, Hanna walked out the door and down the stairs, calling up a few moments later, "Your cab is here!"

Emily took a deep breath and picked up her suitcases, locked her door, and began the descent. When she was halfway down, Paige appeared in the doorway below and began bounding up the stairs, taking two at a time.

"Here, let me help with those," Paige said as she held out her hands.

"Oh, it's okay, I've got them."

"I'm helping," Paige replied stubbornly as she reached behind Emily to pick up one of her bags.

Emily sucked in a breath as Paige's arm snaked around her waist and she quickly moved to increase the space between them. "Thanks," she mumbled as she followed Paige down and then into the cab.

"Hey! You like music or what?" the cab driver called over his shoulder as he began to search for a radio station after he pulled away from the curb.

Paige chuckled wryly and winked at Emily, "Sure. Just put on whatever you want."

The cabby nodded and stopped on a pop station.

"... you're hearing it first on 101.1!" the radio DJ finished just as _Serendipity's_ song began to play.

"Fuck me," Paige said, her words coming out in a whoosh of air as she stared blankly ahead of her. When she looked over to Emily, a bright smile began to make its way across her face. "Our song is on the radio."

"Yeah, your song is on the radio." Emily nodded in agreement, her eyes shining as she returned the smile.

"Holy shit!" Paige exclaimed and then tugged Emily into a jubilant hug, the elation of the moment overwhelming. This was what she had been waiting for, dreaming of, working toward, and now the moment was here and she was sharing it with Emily, feeling her arms tighten around her shoulders in support. It was surreal and wonderful and scary all at once. Paige laughed and pulled back to look at Emily, at the proud look on her face. "Thank you," she said humbly. "We couldn't have done this without you."

They were so close; the little back seat suddenly felt intimate as Emily's body heat invaded Paige's space. Paige quickly moved back towards the door then, feeling the line she had drawn becoming muddied as she held Emily's gaze.

* * *

"Hi gorgeous. Sit down. Let's talk." David Myers was leaning back in his chair, his hands over his girth. He was behind a mammoth desk in an opulent office done in white with red accents. Everything about him was big, including his personality. "How's our favorite singing sensation?"

Emily gave him a dimpled smile as she made her way across the white shag carpet, "Paige is good. We heard their song on the radio in a cab this morning. She was very excited."

David laughed, "Ah, a star is born. That ego is going to grow and grow. She's gonna have a list of demands a mile long soon."

"About that-"

His loud guffaw reverberated against the glass of his floor-to-ceiling windows. "Already! Okay, gorgeous. What's she into? Drugs? Boys? Girls?"

Emily shook her head, "No, it's nothing like that. Craig, their drummer, has a pregnant girlfriend that he wants to bring on tour. Paige has asked for an upgraded tour bus so that she is more comfortable."

That made David frown. "A pregnant girl already? Kids these days don't know a condom from crayon. And why are you so unhappy about it?"

"I'm not-"

"Bullshit. I can see the little crease in your forehead from here."

Emily sighed and admitted, "She isn't my favorite person."

David nodded, "I see. Well, I'm looking at these sales numbers, and they're good. Damn good. But I guess you already know that or you wouldn't have the balls to come ask me for anything." Emily had the grace to bow her head without saying anything, which made David laugh again. "Yeah, you can have the bus. Just take care of Paige." He grunted and pointed at Emily. "She's our star. And I trust you. You got that weepy look, but I trust you'll make good decisions in spite of your feelings."

* * *

"Hey, you're back before me. How'd it go with Emily at Christmas?" Julie asked as she walked through their apartment, her suitcase banging loudly against the wall as she dragged it behind her.

Paige was sitting on the couch drinking whiskey and watching nothing in particular on TV, which is what she'd been doing since flying in that afternoon. The plane ride with Emily was nothing short of torture. Emily had fallen asleep on her shoulder, at one point snuggling so thoroughly that she tucked her hands around Paige's arm. She was so close that Paige could hear her as she breathed, smell her perfect scent, see the little shadows her lashes made on her cheeks. Paige had come home and immediately gone to the kitchen to ease her arousal with liquor. Her own suitcase hadn't even made it to her room.

"Fine. Nothing special." Paige didn't look up as she answered, attempting what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. _Julie doesn't know what happened in Rosewood. Just keep it to yourself, dipshit. And stay the fuck away from Emily from now on._

Julie stopped at the counter to look at the mail she had in her hand. "Goddamn, you're like talking to a shitty little five year old sometimes. What about the agency? Did you spend time with them at all?" she prompted.

"I ended up hooking up with a local band and hanging out with them most of the time. Hanna and Aria seem cool, but Spencer bugs me."

Julie moved to stand in front of her friend and dropped the handle of her bag, allowing it to fall loudly, which finally made Paige look up, a slightly bleary expression the only sign of her inebriation. "You didn't hang out with Emily?" Julie questioned with her hands on her hips, her pose making Paige think she looked like a teacup. "You're a dumbfuck."

_A mean teacup. _"Why?" Paige's scowl was firmly in place now.

"Figure it out for yourself, McCullers. And do it before it's too late."

* * *

Two weeks after returning from the holidays, the band and Emily were sitting at the Haven conducting a meeting about their upcoming debut tour. Emily had ironed out the dates and venues with the record label and arranged for the members' travel and hotel stays in the host cities. The tour would last for several months and would span the entire United States, as well as Canada. They would kick off the tour here at the Shoreline Amphitheatre and then head north along California's coast into Portland and then Seattle before heading east.

Emily had been working practically around the clock at the label's offices for the past two weeks, and she felt like she hadn't had a chance to breathe. She hadn't seen anyone outside of production staff since she'd dropped Paige off at her apartment, and although she knew it was the best way to work through her tumultuous feelings for the singer, she missed Paige anyway. The song replaying constantly on the radio hadn't helped her forget, either. Every time it played, she remembered the moment she and Paige had first heard it in the cab, how excited Paige had been, how good it felt to be in her arms, if only briefly.

Now here she was again, reliving a similar scene she had when she first sat down with everyone. Craig and Carrie were sitting in the corner of the booth holding hands, Carson was in a chair, his legs crossed primly and a Pabst in his hands, while Julie leaned on his shoulder from her perch. Paige was across the table from Emily, sitting in a backwards chair, a drink in her hand as she propped her chin on her forearms along the high wooden back.

Emily had just given them the schedule, and when Julie realized that Carrie would be on the bus with them full time, she exploded.

"No fucking way," Julie exclaimed. "I'm not getting on a bus with Paige and Carrie together. Just like I wouldn't fucking stroll into a war with a target painted on my ass. I'm not fucking doing it. She and Craig can go separately."

Carson placed a calming hand on Julie's shoulder, and commented in his soft voice, "I'm sure Carrie and Paige will be just fine."

"Just fine?! Are you that dense? They can't even be in the same room together for more than an hour. And this is a little fucking bus."

Paige cut in then, "It's not up for debate, Julie. We are doing it this way or no way."

Emily could hear the slight slur in Paige's voice, the alcohol making it rougher and lower as well. Emily wondered how many days in a row Paige had been drunk and why no one had done anything to curb it.

Julie glared at Paige and stood up to leave, "You're a real ass, McCullers. If this blows up, it's on you."

"Isn't it always?" Paige mumbled as she took a sip from her glass before getting up and heading over to the bar.

Carson put down the can of beer he had been holding and adjusted his glasses as he said, "Julie will be fine. I'll go talk to her. Thank you for all your hard work, Emily."

Craig gave Emily one of his sheepish looks. "God, we never meant for it to happen like this. I still feel like the biggest jerk ever. Paige- man, she took it really hard. But we all got through it. I promise we will be okay," Craig said as a way of explanation to Emily. "Let me go try to talk to Julie. Excuse me."

Emily grimaced. They were definitively not over it. If the band couldn't hold it together just to talk about the tour, she had no idea how they'd manage actually being on it. Once again she was reminded of the axis around which this issue revolved, and she was sitting right next to her now.

All the turmoil and aching and longing Emily had been feeling overflowed at once, and it forced words out of her mouth that she couldn't retrieve. "You need to let her go."

Carrie didn't mince words, "Why? So you can have her?" she asked as she raised her eyebrows in a challenge.

"No. So she can have a chance at happiness. You're stringing her along, and she lets you because she loves you. Let her go so she can find someone else."

"She finds plenty of someone elses. You think it's easy for me to watch her do it? Things aren't as cut and dry as you want them to be, Emily. I love her in a way that you wouldn't understand."

Emily frowned, "How can you even say that? You used her. You are _still_ using her. God, her dad won't even talk to her because of you."

"Her dad wants to see her," Carrie disagreed, "Paige is just too stubborn to admit she was wrong."

Emily was stunned by that admission. Was it true? Had Paige lied to her? She stood up from the table and slung her purse onto her arm. "I hope you get a conscience someday, Carrie. Because you sure as hell don't have a heart."

"What the fuck is going in here?" Paige's voice, dangerously quiet, came from behind Emily.

"Emily was just warning me to be on my best behavior." Carrie replied, her words laced with enmity. "I promised I would."

Paige growled, "Emily shouldn't stick her nose where it doesn't belong."

Emily whirled around and pinned Paige with a withering stare. "Julie was right. You _are_ an ass." Then she moved passed Paige and left the bar.

* * *

The incessant knocking at the door finally roused Paige out of bed. She couldn't remember how long she had been there. Maybe an hour? Maybe a day? After Emily left the Haven, Paige sat back down at the bar and continued to drink until she couldn't lift her head anymore. She vaguely remembered getting into a cab, but she didn't know when that was. Her head felt heavy, but the buzz had worn off. _Thinking sucks, _she mused.

The knocking got louder, and Paige flung the covers aside and crawled out of bed.

"Paige? Paige! Open up if you're in there. Please!"

When Paige stepped into the living room from the hall, she could hear Emily's frantic voice on the other side of the door. _Fuck._

She opened a bottle of Jack Daniels she had carelessly left out and took a swig, swishing the whiskey around in her mouth before swallowing it, and then she put the bottle back on the counter before she trudged over and opened the door, "I'm here. I'm here," she said gruffly.

Emily stood there in a soft yellow blouse and white skirt, her long legs made even longer by the strappy heels she had on, making her a little taller than Paige, who was barefoot and rumpled in a torn t-shirt and dark jeans that looked like she had worn them through mud. Paige looked down at herself and shook her head. "Come in."

"I came to apologize, but when you didn't answer, I started to get worried."

"I'm fine." Paige glowered at Emily's intrusion.

Emily looked past her to see a half empty bottle on the counter. She stepped forward and began to reach for the singer before thinking better of it and dropping her hand. "Paige, you have to stop this. You're drinking too much."

"So what?"

"It's a good way to ruin your singing voice and your career." Emily said, crossing her arms as was her habit when she was angry.

"I don't give a fuck about my career. I never did. I do this for everyone else," Paige snarled, "I even do it for you."

"Don't you _dare_ make me a part of your pity party," Emily retorted.

Paige grabbed the bottle and began to unscrew it again. "Don't tell me what to do."

Emily relented then and reached out to grab Paige's hand as she cajoled with words. "I can't keep chasing you, Paige. I can't keep wondering if- _praying_ that I'm going to find you next time."

"I never asked you to. You're not my keeper, Em." Paige wrenched her hand away. "No one is." At that, she tossed the bottle away, and it smashed on the kitchen floor, shattering into a rain of glass and alcohol. As the glass broke into a million fragments, Paige turned back to Emily, her own control splintering as if it had been the bottle of whiskey. She advanced on Emily, backing her against the counter. "Get out of my personal life. That's a line you shouldn't have crossed."

Emily was furious, never having seen the singer in such a ferocious and unrestrained state. Paige had no right to try to intimidate her like that. It made Emily bold as she stood her ground. "Oh, so what we did in my apartment wasn't personal?" Emily threw back at her.

That was the wrong thing to say as the memories came flooding back in the highly charged atmosphere of the room. They both stood there, chests heaving as they stared each other down.

"No," Paige whispered fiercely, "_this_ is personal." And then she grabbed Emily by the back of her neck and pulled her into a crushing kiss.

Paige's hands were everywhere at once, pulling at her sides, digging into her hair, untucking her shirt and hiking her skirt, all the while keeping up those kisses that were scattering Emily's thoughts and disintegrating her resolve. Emily's mind tried telling her to stop, but it lost the argument as her hands frantically hung on to Paige's shoulders when the singer lifted her up onto the counter and then pulled Emily's now exposed center to her stomach.

"God!" Emily managed to moan out as she felt Paige's body against her sensitive skin, the other girl's fingers digging into the flesh of her rear as she ravaged her mouth.

Paige felt famished, her self-imposed abstinence catching up with her in this wild moment. Emily felt like the finest silk in her hands and tasted like a hundred-year-old scotch on her tongue. After such a dearth of time with Emily, she suddenly couldn't make up for her losses fast enough. She growled as her kisses became bruising in intensity. "I want to fuck you right now," Paige finally said as she leaned back just slightly.

Emily opened her eyes, her vision hazy with need. Paige was flushed and her lips were wet and there was savage desire in her eyes. If she couldn't have Paige, at least she could have this for a while. "Yes. Bed." She panted, unable to form complete sentences.

Paige nodded and picked her up off the counter, pulling Emily along the distance to her bedroom as they kept up their intense kisses, bumping along the wall while they stripped off clothes and stopped to nip a newly exposed section of flesh.

By the time they reached her bed, they were both fully nude, and Paige took the opportunity to push Emily down until she was lying on her back, and then crawled on top of her, settling her weight between Emily's thighs. She propped herself up on her hands and looked down at the girl below her. If Emily was beautiful in clothes, she was breathtaking out of them. Paige stopped breathing for a moment as she took in the scene, sure in her mind that this was the last time she'd have the opportunity to look at Emily in this vulnerable and highly aroused state. Emily looked up, allowing the perusal for a moment before finally reaching behind Paige's head and drawing her down for a kiss.

The feel of Paige's weight above her was decadent, and Emily could make out each of the other girl's muscles as they flexed along her ribs and bunched between her legs. She needed to feel them all tonight; she didn't know if she would have the chance again, so she wrapped her legs around Paige and kissed her hard, letting her know that this time wouldn't be slow or soft. It would be bruising and relentless. She needed Paige's savageness to imprint these feelings, to take her through the heartache that would surely follow in the morning.

Paige understood Emily's need, and quickly moved down to lathe her neck with her tongue as her hands came up to surround Emily's nipples, rolling them into hard buds before bringing her mouth down to suck on them. Emily arched her back and moaned, tightening her grip on Paige's back, reaching down to pull one of Paige's thighs to her center as she pressed against it wantonly. When Paige felt Emily's wetness against her thigh, it was like lightning tore through her, electrifying her nerves, and she couldn't wait anymore. Paige shifted, taking Emily's hand and placing it against her own sex before reaching down between Emily's legs. They both moaned at the copious moisture they found before beginning a matching rhythm.

"Harder," Emily said against Paige's lips before plunging her tongue into her mouth. She wanted more- everything she could have- and she wanted to feel it in her toes as Paige obliged her request. She locked her feet behind Paige's thighs and rode her hand, swallowing Paige's rough words and curses as Emily brought her closer and closer to climax as well.

Suddenly, Paige reared back, the painful pleasure obvious in her face, "I'm coming," she said as she winced and bucked, and the look on her face was all Emily needed to bring her own orgasm crashing around her.

When she stopped spasming, Paige stayed there, her head on the pillow next to Emily's, gasping for breath and limp. "Fuck, that was-"

Intent on silencing her, Emily rolled over on top, straddling Paige, her long black mane sliding sensually against Paige's chest, her wetness bathing Paige's stomach, "No, I'm not done with you yet." she said as she leaned down to hungrily kiss the singer.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it" - Oscar Wilde**

Emily woke to a familiar yet foreign scent, deliciously sore muscles, and a warm body curled around her back. As she stretched slightly, the arm tucked around her tightened as her bedmate moved to snuggle closer, the other girl's breath fluttering the little hairs at the back of Emily's neck.

The gentle way Paige was cradling her contrasted sharply with the violent passion they had shared during the night. Emily had never experienced anything like that before, and she realized for the first time what the term insatiable really meant. She had taken and given in equal measure, and every time she thought she was spent, she would simply look at Paige, and her desire would flare up red hot again. Last night it hadn't mattered how they began or how it would end, the only thing that mattered was that she was there in the moment, and she reveled in every breath, every gasp, every cry of pleasure she shared with Paige.

She took Paige's hand in hers and kissed the knuckles, noting how her lips felt swollen and sensitive. "Good morning," she said, her eyes fluttering closed again as images of Paige rearing up underneath her swam in her memory.

The body behind her tensed, and she heard the quick intake of breath as Paige awoke fully.

* * *

Paige inhaled the scent of the hair beneath her nose. It smelled sweaty and sleepy, and she loved it.

"Mmmm. Good morning," she whispered into the locks.

"Good morning to _you_, baby." Carrie turned over and kissed Paige's lips. "I'm surprised you're awake already after last night."

Paige laughed and kissed her again, "I didn't want to miss any time with you," she smiled and began kissing Carrie in earnest just as Carrie's phone rang. Paige groaned, "Don't answer that."

Carrie reached over to the nightstand and looked at the caller ID. "It's my mom. Be quiet."

Paige rolled her eyes. Carrie hadn't told her parents about their relationship yet, but she promised she would soon. "I have to ease them into the idea," Carrie had said about her conservative parents. Paige thought six months was plenty of time for easing, but she allowed Carrie to do what she thought was best.

"Hi Mom... No, I'm just waking up..."

As Carrie talked, Paige became restless and got up to scrounge for breakfast. Padding naked into their apartment's kitchen, Paige ducked her head into the fridge and pulled out a jug. _Dang! How old is this?_

"Carrie?! When did you buy this milk?" Paige called. When there was no answer, she put the milk back on the shelf and took out some orange juice instead. She had just finished pouring herself a glass when Carrie stalked out, anger clear in each of her jerky movements.

"What the fuck, Paige? I was talking to my mom!"

Paige shrugged, "So? She knows we live together right? What's the big deal?"

"No, she doesn't," Carrie argued as she pulled up her blonde curls into a ponytail. "I can't tell her I live with you because she knows you're gay. She would start asking questions. Jesus, Paige. Sometimes you can be so dumb."

* * *

Paige banished the old memory to focus on the situation she was now living. Emily was in her bed, in her arms, naked and soft and warm.

_Things could be worse, _Paige thought. _Like you could start getting attached to this- Jesus fuck!_

"I- uhh- I gotta go do a few things." Paige knew it was a lame excuse, but she had to get out of there. Fast. She forced herself to pull away from Emily and get out of bed. As she crossed the room and began rifling through her dresser for clothes, she didn't make eye contact as she said, "Feel free to stay as long as you want."

Even though Emily expected it, steeled herself against it, it still hurt. Emily's eyes blazed with ire as she sat up, holding the sheet to her chest, "Really? This is how you want to play it?"

Paige pulled on jeans and a flannel and began walking to the bedroom door. "It can't be any other way," she explained as she left, refusing to look back as she shut the door behind her. _No matter how much I might want it._

* * *

When Emily walked into the kitchen a short time later, wearing clothes she'd found in Paige's drawers, Julie was sitting at the counter eating cereal and watching the news on TV.

"Mornin'," Julie said around a mouthful of Cheerios. "Your clothes are over there on the arm of the couch. Oh, and coffee mugs are up in the cabinet."

"Thanks. I think I'm gonna head home." Emily followed Julie's directions and grabbed her things from the couch, and then turned to question Julie, "You're not going to say anything?"

Julie scoffed, "I don't need to, do I?" She looked hard at Emily, "You sure you wanna do this with her?"

Emily bit her lip and frowned, "I'm not sure of anything right now."

Julie nodded and shoveled another bite in her mouth, "Carrie really fucked her up."

A small tear escaped and made its way down the side of Emily's cheek. "I know," she whispered bitterly before walking out in a rush. When the door was closed, she fell back against it as the tears began to fall heavily, rolling down her cheeks and splashing on the armful of clothes she hugged tightly against her. This was it. She was in the deep part of the ocean now with no way to swim back to shore, and she was drowning.

* * *

_Maybe I can drown myself, _Paige wondered as she pulled herself through another lap in the pool. She lost count at 30. She was out of shape, and two miles was as far as she'd swam since- well, since going back on her promise to her coach. She was breathing on every stroke, water starting to enter her mouth as she fought to fill her lungs. Just as she was about to make another turn, a hand shot out and grabbed her hair, yanking her face out of the water and stopping her motion.

"Ow!" Paige yelped.

"Get out." Julie's expression was menacing, and she let go of Paige's ponytail to stand up, expecting Paige to obey immediately. When Paige put her hands on the edge and levered herself out, Julie handed her a towel and walked over to the Stanford bleachers, again expecting Paige to follow, which she did.

"Sit down and tell me what the fuck happened. I walked in last night and the place looked like someone threw a fucking molotov cocktail in there or some shit."

"I'm pretty sure you can figure out what happened," Paige replied, still breathing heavily from her workout.

"Last night you get drunk and decide to bang our manager? Like out of the fucking blue?"

"I wasn't exactly drunk, and it's not exactly the first time." Paige winced at how heartless she sounded.

Julie rocked back on her seat. "So when you said you didn't hang out with her in Rosewood, that was a lie."

"I didn't hang out with her _much. _One night the power went out, and there's not a lot to do so- whatever."

Julie squinted at her best friend. "You can't possibly be that big of a douche. Paige, don't you see how she looks at you? For fuck's sake, you look at her the same way. Why do you think I sent you with her at Christmas in the first place?"

"To check out the agency."

"Who gives a fuck about the agency? Emily is the only one that matters. I sent you to go spend time with _her_. She's good for you." Julie said, backhanding Paige in the shoulder.

"You said-"

"I know what I said, dickwad. I was just wrong. I see changes in you when you're with her. But you have to fucking pay attention, and get your head out of Carrie's crotch for a few goddamn minutes to see the other things in this world. Good things. Things the old you would have been happy to be a part of. Things like Emily."

"You don't understand. It doesn't mean anything. We just had sex a couple of times."

Julie stood up. "You keep telling yourself that, sport. See how far it gets you."

* * *

Paige was sitting on the coffee shop's patio. The day was starting to warm in the mid-morning sun, but the trees above the porch heavily shaded the tables, leaving a chill in the air below. Paige rubbed her hands on her jeans and waited impatiently.

_What am I doing?_ she asked herself, not for the first time. Last night, after her scalp had stopped aching, she had finally broken down, texting Emily and asking to meet here. And now that she was here, she was scared of what she would say- and even more scared of what she wouldn't say.

She didn't have long to wait, Emily's familiar walk catching her attention as she made her way through the patio in a white blouse, tan pants, and knee-high brown boots that echoed loudly on the stone floor.

"Hey."

Emily's voice came out in a soft rush of breath, like it always did when she was nervous, and to Paige it felt like Emily had whispered it directly into her own lungs, expanding them painfully with the added air. _Jesus._

Paige stood up, unsure of the etiquette for this situation. "Hey," she replied simply as she stuck her hands in her back pockets and rocked on the balls of her feet.

Emily looked down at her hands and then back up, needing to connect with Paige and knowing she had to take the step, "So can we _not_ talk about us and just have some coffee?" she asked with a lopsided grin.

Paige blew out a breath and smiled, a wide genuine smile that made Emily's heart thump. "Yeah, sure. I'd like that." She pulled out a seat for Emily. "Sit down. I'll go get them."

The text from Paige had shocked Emily, and she fiddled with her hands as she waited. She could have refused to come today, had seriously thought about it. God! How many times could she put herself through this before she broke? She was so close to it now: every look Paige bestowed on her cracked her a little more, squeezed her a little tighter, tore her a little more open. Yet, here she was because she couldn't stay away.

Paige returned and set a mug down in front of her before taking her seat. "So," she said looking down into the oil slick still swirling in her black coffee. "I- uhh- I want to thank you for talking to David Myers."

Emily shook her head, "Don't worry about it. You probably could have asked for more. Have you seen the charts? 'Shock and Awe' is climbing pretty quickly."

"Yeah, it's exciting. I remember when Carson first played it for us on his little keyboard. I was so surprised it came out of him." Paige laughed at the memory, "You should've heard him sing the chorus, trying to be rough and angry. I damn near fell out of my chair I laughed so hard." She smiled again, "But he knew it was good. We all did."

"It's one of my favorites, actually," Emily confessed. "It reminds me of an old friend."

"Oh yeah?"

Emily nodded, "My first big crush. Her name was Alison, and she was perfect on the outside but a little cruel on the inside. You know how young girls can be."

Paige nodded in sympathy.

"She broke my heart, and then she moved away. I was fourteen, and it was completely devastating." Emily chuckled. "Thank goodness I had friends- and that I grew out of it," she added wryly.

Paige unconsciously put her hand out to cover Emily's in support, and then quickly pulled it away when the contact made her skin tingle. "First loves are tough. Mine sucked because even though my dad was pretty cool about me being gay, he's still a guy, and he didn't know how to talk to me about feelings." Paige paused, "We just kind of stumbled along as I grew up, but he was always there for me." A stab of longing went through Paige, and she winced visibly.

"Paige-" Emily began, wanting to reach out and shelter the other girl from heartache.

Suddenly a girl's scream pierced the air, and they both turned in their chairs, startled and alarmed at the noise. About 50 feet away, a group of teenagers stood on the corner, and a young girl was jumping up and down and pointing their way.

"Oh boy," Emily muttered.

The group all talked excitedly, and then they seemed to agree on something and walked over to the table.

"Are you Paige McCullers?" one of them asked while the others practically vibrated behind her.

Paige nodded gamely, "I am."

"Would you mind taking a picture with us?"

"No. Not at all." Paige stood up as they all huddled around her while several of them pulled out phones and snapped selfies.

When they were done, they thanked her and giggled as they walked away. "Do you think that's her girlfriend?" "She's beautiful." "Man, I guess there go my chances."

Paige was struck by their comments. _Girlfriend? Oh no. No. No. No._

Emily saw the expression on Paige's face and understood it before the singer could even begin to speak.

Paige shifted uncomfortably. "I gotta-"

Emily put up a hand, forestalling the lie, "Of course you do. I'll see you around," she said as she got up to leave first.

* * *

"Alright, that's it for the day. I just need Paige to lay a little background vocal. Everyone else can go," the sound engineer called to the occupants of the live room.

Craig groaned appreciatively and stood up, stretching his back with his drum sticks high in the air. "I'm getting a beer. Who is with me?"

Julie put her guitar on its stand and nodded, "Carson and I are in."

Paige glowered as they filed out, Carson the only one with enough grace to give her a sympathetic glance as he walked by. They had been recording all day, laying new mixes and recording acoustic versions of a few of their singles; the label insisting on these to help maximize profits. As far as Paige was concerned, they could shove it. Their first single was about to break the top 40 without all this crap.

"Okay, Paige. I need just a few more harmonies on 'Unavoidable.' I'll start from the top."

She nodded and put in her headphones and began to sing.

_My back's against the wall  
__Oh, and I feel it, the pressure  
__I'm about to fall  
__Oh, and I feel it, it's torture_

_It's unavoidable, you are a magnet  
__It's unavoidable, I am metallic  
__Pull me in_

Emily walked into the recording office and set down a full coffee in front of the engineer.

"She sounds like she needs a break," Emily commented as she watched and heard Paige sing on the other side of the glass.

He shook his head, "No, I love this tired quality she gets. It's perfect for backup tracks."

Emily smiled slightly, "Yes, it's good, but let's not kill her vocal chords before the tour."

The man finally relented, "Okay. Okay." He flipped a switch on the board in front of him, "Thanks Paige, I think we got what we need." He turned to Emily, "I'm gonna run this down corporate. Can you close up here?"

She nodded in agreement without looking at him, her attention on the big brown eyes staring at her from the other room. She didn't even notice when he gathered his things and left.

Paige pulled off her headphones and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans before standing up and walking into the control room.

Emily swallowed the lump in her throat and asked, "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

Paige nodded, "Absolutely. First tour here we come or something."

They stood there for a moment, absorbing the presence of the other in silence, unsure of what to say.

"Come celebrate with me," Paige said suddenly, surprising herself and Emily.

"What?"

"Let's go play pool. You told me I suck. This is your last chance to show me how it's done."

Last chance. Emily almost crumpled with the thought, but instead she pushed her shoulders back, took a deep breath, and dove deeper in. "Lead the way."

* * *

Paige didn't know how long they had been playing, but she knew she was down two games and she needed a miracle to catch up. Emily was good, and the more Paige drank, the better Emily seemed.

"How do you even make those?" Paige whined as Emily banked another one, "And in high heels?"

Emily smiled and shrugged, "I just think about it, and make it happen."

"That oughtta be on a t-shirt or something," Paige remarked.

"Knowing you, it'd be all ripped up and crumpled."

Paige gasped in mock disbelief. "Are you making fun of my fashion sense?"

"Perish the thought." Emily put her hand to her chest to emphasize her words.

In the background, an announcer called out for names and song requests for karaoke as someone began singing out of tune.

Paige groaned, "Alright. Alright. Put your money where your mouth is and end my torture." She leaned her stick against the wall as she stood next to it and tried to plug her ears.

"Karaoke torture or pool torture?"

"Both."

Emily smirked, "Why don't you go up there and show them how it's done? With the way you play pool, your superhero-sized ego must need a boost about now."

"Wow," Paige deadpanned, "So cruel." She raised her eyebrow, "Fine, I'll do it, if only to wipe that look off your face." She walked to the stage and added her name to the list, earning a curious look from the announcer.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Paige is up next."

When the song started to play, Paige grabbed the microphone and hopped up on stage while Emily leaned on her pool stick and smiled wide at the song choice.

_Why are there so many songs about rainbows  
__And what's on the other side  
__Rainbows are visions  
__But only illusions  
__And rainbows have nothing to hide_

_So we've been told  
__And some choose to believe it  
__I know they're wrong, wait and see  
__Some day we'll find it  
__The rainbow connection  
__The lovers, the dreamers, and me_

When the song ended, Paige jumped down off the stage and came back to the table where Emily was standing.

"Who woulda thunk you liked the Muppets?" Emily teased.

Paige lifted an eyebrow, "Kermit and Miss Piggy is the greatest love story ever."

"A romantic, too? I'm learning so much about you." Emily said as a new song began to play.

_Come to me darling put your hand in mine  
__Lay your head down on my shoulder  
__Give me your lips sweet like wine  
__If a kiss is just a kiss I don't know what to make of this_

Paige's face grew wistful. "Damn, I love this song. I haven't heard it in forever," she commented as she began to sing along.

_Although the radio plays only a storm  
__Still somewhere I swear I hear the downbeat of a drum_

Without thinking of it, she grabbed the stick out of Emily's hand and leaned it against the table and then pulled her into her arms, their bodies melding seamlessly under the dim lights of the pool hall.

_ Dance with me to this song  
__Dance now darling let your cares be gone  
__Dance with me all night long  
__Dance now darling to this song_

Emily was floating as Paige swayed with her to the music while she sang, feeling the heat from the singer's body as if it were in the very air enveloping her, watching transfixed as Paige's eyes darkened under full lashes as they lowered.

_ So let the long hand run  
__Don't let the time worry us  
__'__Cause when you're in my arms  
__I still hear that same sweet song  
__And I wanna get lost in this song_

And then they were kissing, a slow sensual kiss that felt like salvation and sin all at once. Paige didn't know how it happened, and she didn't care. All that mattered were Emily's soft lips under hers, Emily's hands as they caressed her face and wound into her hair, Emily's hips as they cleaved to her own.

If Paige was a superhero, then Emily was her kryptonite.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**"What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop?" - Robert Browning**

"Come home with me," Paige whispered against Emily's lips.

The words twisted Emily's stomach and stole her breath. She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her forehead against Paige's, trying to regain her senses enough to formulate words. She ran her hands over Paige's shoulders, along her collarbones, and back up to her neck, concentrating on the feel of being in the singer's arms. She knew what it must have taken for Paige to offer the invitation. "I can't," she finally said as she opened her eyes and looked at the other girl.

Paige stiffened, "I don't understand."

"I know. I just- I need more." She kissed Paige quickly once more, and then pulled out of her arms before she changed her mind. "I'll see you tomorrow at the concert."

As Emily walked away, Paige stood there, wanting to stop her but unable to speak or move.

_Fuck this_, Paige finally said to herself. _I don't need this shit._

* * *

The Shoreline Amphitheatre was at capacity. It seemed like everyone in the area had come to watch _Serendipity_ kick off their tour. The noise of the crowd, even in the open air, was deafening, rising to this level after the band members, minus Paige, had walked onto the stage.

Paige was pacing nervously in one of the lighting and sound tents towards the back of the crowd.

"Calm down, baby."

Paige's head snapped around to stare hard at Carrie. "I'm calm enough."

"If you say so," Carrie said dubiously. "Where's Emily? Isn't she usually here to talk you through your jitters?"

Paige scowled. "I haven't seen her."

"Really?" Carrie went right for the jugular. "I thought you two were getting close. You certainly have been spending a lot of time with her, at least."

"You are fishing in the wrong pond. There's nothing between us." _Absolutely nothing,_ Paige added to herself bitterly as Craig began banging his sticks in the air, signaling the beginning of the show.

Emily watched anxiously from her vantage point in the VIP section. She could see Paige in the tent as she walked back and forth, a fierce look on her face as if she were angry at something. It felt strange not to be next to her, but it was time to step back and let the roadies and stage manager take care of everything.

As the music began, the audience turned around, knowing how Paige normally made her entrances and eager to see if she'd pass nearby. As she left the tent with two guards around her, the crowd grew louder and hands went up in the air as her fans parted to let her pass.

Emily noticed immediately that something was indeed wrong with Paige. Her stride was heavier, her voice rougher, and her eyes darker. It worried Emily, but she couldn't do anything about it now. She'd just have to wait until the concert was over.

As the chorus began, the singer mounted the stage, her mood somehow infusing the lyrics with even more power. She walked to the edge of the stage and stood, feet wide, arms up, muscled stomach fully exposed in the cutoff black tank top she wore, and the fans began to crush toward the stage, eager to soak in Paige's spirit as it flowed out of her and through the speakers. She was their Nyx, their Nike, their Nemesis, and they worshipped at her feet as she sang.

_Tell me how can you sleep?  
__How can you breathe?  
__I hate when you say  
__How you love me now_

As the song ended, Paige folded in half to the crowd's cheers. There in front of her, so close she could almost taste her, was a beautiful blonde with light blue eyes.

_That one,_ Paige decided as she winked at the girl.

* * *

As the band thanked the audience at the end of the night, Emily stood up from her seat, intent on making her way backstage to congratulate the band and hopefully talk to Paige.

Onstage, Paige kneeled down and shook hands with as many fans as she could reach while making her way to the center. When she reached her quarry, she tapped the security guard and told him to bring the girl in front of him to the green room. He nodded to her as she continued down the line.

When Paige stood up, Julie was putting her guitar on her stand. She stopped for a minute, catching Paige's eye and looking at her with a strange expression on her face, somewhere between a question and disbelief. Paige dropped her gaze and walked to the wings. She didn't need a lecture right now.

When Paige opened the door of the green room, she went right for the bottle of Jack she'd left there and then sat down on a stool at the makeshift plywood bar that had been constructed in the corner. When the knock came at the door, she had already downed two shots.

"Come in," she said hollowly, trying to ignore the twisting pain in her stomach.

The security guard ducked his head in, "Uhhh- I have Miss Shelly to see you?"

_No names, asshole._ "Yeah let her in," she said, waving at him to leave as the girl walked in.

"Hi," the groupie said as she walked directly to Paige and draped her arms around the singer's shoulders.

Paige didn't respond, instead pulling her onto her lap on the stool and kissing her roughly. It felt instantly wrong: the blonde didn't taste right, her lips didn't move like they should, she wasn't warm enough, her body didn't fit the way it was supposed to.

_You can't do this,_ mocked Paige's mind. She growled, angry at herself and at the girl for not being what she needed. She pulled her lips away. "You need to leave."

"Paige, can I- Oh!" Emily opened the door and stopped dead. It was the horrible scene from her memory of the first time she met Paige playing itself out again in front of her, only different this time and real. Gut-wrenchingly real. "I'm- I'm sorry," she stammered as she stepped back and quietly closed the door again.

"Emily!" _Jesus fuck! _The devastation on Emily's face was a cannon blast to Paige's chest, ripping a gaping wide hole in her and exposing her vital organs to an arctic freeze. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

Emily's whole body was shaking violently, and she had no idea how she walked away by herself. She was vaguely aware of Julie calling to her, but she didn't stop. She only knew she needed to leave and get as far away as she could.

Julie barged through the door as Paige was pushing the groupie off of her lap. "Oh my god. You dick!" Julie glared at the blonde as she pointed to the open door, "Get out of here."

When the girl followed instructions without a word, Julie focused her attention back to Paige. "You are unbelievable!" Julie yelled as a vein stood out in her forehead. And then she shoved Paige, who toppled off the stool, narrowly catching herself before completely falling over.

"Fuck, Julie! I didn't do anything wrong," Paige said sullenly as she walked over and sat down on the couch, bowing her head and linking her fingers behind her neck.

"Don't even try to feed me that shit. You get down and beg her forgiveness on your knees. And I swear if you fuck it up, I'll rip your arms off and beat you with them. Seriously! You're such a dumb dumbfuck."

"Stop. Just let me think for a second, okay?"

"You don't have time to think. We are _leaving_ to go on tour."

"Maybe that's for the best," Paige replied dejectedly.

"Oh my god. I can't even." Julie threw up her hands and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

It was pouring rain, a freezing cold rain that ate through Paige's jeans and made her shiver and her teeth chatter as she ran into the building. She bounded up the short flight of stairs and stood for a minute in the hallway, a puddle forming at her feet. When she caught her breath, she knocked loudly once.

When the door opened, Emily was standing there in a white cropped t-shirt and grey sweats, her long hair loose around her shoulders and an expression of shock on her face. "Paige, what are you doing here?" she breathed, unmoving in her surprise.

"I went to your place, and the building superintendent said you left suddenly last night to come back East."

Emily blinked rapidly, still unable to wrap her head around the girl standing outside her Rosewood apartment. "You're supposed to be on a tour bus. You have to be in Portland tomorrow."

"I know. I just wanted see you so I could tell you that I didn't do anything with her. I swear I was sending her away." Paige jammed her hands into her jacket pockets as she gazed earnestly at the other girl.

Emily shook her head and stared down at her bare feet. "You don't owe me an explanation."

"Yes I do."

The vehemence in Paige's words brought Emily's head back up, where she could see the luminous sincerity in Paige's eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

"What do you want from me?" Emily was wounded and confused, and she was using questions as a buffer to keep from making allowances for Paige.

"I don't know. But I'm here. I'm here to say I'm sorry. I'm here because- Emily, I-" Paige shrugged, unable to finish but hoping Emily could fill in the blanks.

At that, Emily's hurt collapsed into itself, exposing the absolution that her heart wanted to give. "You're wet."

"I didn't exactly come prepared for a rainstorm. I just got on the first plane I could. It took forever to get a cab at the airport."

"Come inside, and let's get you dried off." Emily stepped back and allowed Paige to enter. "Give me your jacket," she said as she began to slip it off Paige's shoulders. "God, you're freezing."

Paige looked at Emily standing before her as her jacket fell from her arms. Emily's hands on her shoulders felt warm and sure against her own icy skin. She didn't know what would happen now; they were in uncharted territory. A shiver that had little to do with the cold raced through her.

Paige was soaked, her shirt stuck to her arms and torso as if it were glued. Emily reached down and pulled at its hem on Paige's waist and commanded, "Take this off."

Paige reached down slowly, her hands peeling the material away from her body before she pulled it over her head. Emily placed her warm hands on her freshly exposed stomach, and Paige shivered again. "Emily," she whispered into the space between them.

Emily closed her eyes hard and bit her lip. "I forgive you," she finally choked out.

The pull of their own unique gravity was too much to resist then, and they collapsed into each other in a kiss full of fear and anxiety and longing. They latched into a fierce embrace, arms winding around each other forcefully as their heart rates and breathing increased.

Paige tried to convey herself in that kiss. She tried to tell Emily all the things she was feeling that she couldn't say. Her tongue spoke of shame, her lips talked of guilt, and her teeth ground out her desire.

"I need to feel you," Emily said between kisses as she began fumbling with the button on Paige's jeans.

Paige pulled back, her palms tight on either side of Emily's jaw, forcing her to look at her. The certainty there was enough for Paige, and she began kissing Emily again as she moved them the short distance to the couch, both of them tumbling onto it in a tangle of limbs.

Paige slid her hands up and underneath the short shirt incasing Emily's ribs, feeling the swells of her breasts, cradling them softly as she sought to slow this down. Paige needed to savor this connection after being so worried her impetuousness had severed it.

"Emily," she whispered reverently.

Upon hearing her name spoken with such devotion, Emily arched into the hands while digging her own into Paige's damp locks, sealing their lips together in a consuming kiss. Then she trailed her hands down the sinewy back above her, stopping at the waistband of Paige's jeans. "Off," she said simply.

Hampered by Paige's wet clothing, they struggled to undress while maintaining their connection, and when finally they were naked and sliding against each other, Paige pulled back so that she could look into Emily's eyes.

With Paige above, her brows furrowed together as she breathed heavily and stared down intensely, Emily knew. The feelings that had haunted her, taunted her with their power, pulled and pushed her for months- they all sprang forward and melded into a single thought. She loved Paige. She loved this damaged girl with everything she had. And she closed her eyes tightly against the frightening revelation. Paige had the power to destroy her, and probably would.

"Oh god," Emily breathed out as Paige began exploring her neck and chest with her tongue, little flicks along the cords of her neck, full laps at her nipples as they hardened under the singer's skillful ministrations.

Paige worked her way down, softly biting the skin on Emily's ribs, sucking the taught skin by her hip, licking the valley where her leg began.

Emily tensed as Paige's body moved down to spread her legs wider, arms wrapping around her thighs. She grabbed on to the couch above her head, and then she felt it- Paige's mouth between her legs, her tongue moving softly, assuredly, like strokes against her soul. Emily threw her head back, her hands digging wildly into the cushions as Paige continued her intimate kisses.

Emily was ambrosia against Paige's tongue, and this was Paige's deliverance, Emily's bucking body her redemption, her cries a declaration of clemency for Paige's foolishness.

"Come up here." Emily wound a hand in Paige's hair and pulled her up, meeting her lips and tasting herself there. "I need you inside," she begged.

Paige nodded and shifted her weight, sliding her hand between them as Emily brought her thigh up between Paige's legs. Paige brought their lips together again, muffling Emily's cry as she slid her fingers in, the moisture there making her entrance easy. Emily clutched Paige's shoulders, holding their bodies together when Paige began grinding herself against Emily's leg as they started a slow rhythm, building their desire and their need.

As Emily felt the pressure build, she opened her eyes, and reached up to touch Paige's cheek, softly seeking a connection. When Paige's lids fluttered open, she pulled back and held Emily's gaze.

"Paige," Emily whimpered as she finally broke, her body fragmenting into little shuddering pieces in Paige's arms.

Paige had never witnessed something so acutely passionate as watching Emily come in her arms, and she felt herself fall over the cliff as well, struggling to maintain eye contact as they both gasped through their orgasms.

* * *

Sometime during the night, Emily had pulled Paige off the couch and led her to bed, which is where Paige woke up with the other girl's head on her chest, her arms and legs wrapped tightly around her body. She wished she could stay like that, but she needed to get on a return plane home. She gently extricated herself, gathering her clothes and slipping into the bathroom to get ready.

When she walked back to the bedroom, Emily was still sleeping, the white sheets tangled around her waist, her dark skin and hair standing out in high contrast like a black and white photograph. "Emily," she whispered quietly, not wanting to startle her.

Emily heard her own name and pulled herself out of her slumber. The light was coming in from the windows, and it illuminated Paige's face above her.

"I have to catch my flight," Paige said as she bent down to place a chaste kiss on Emily's lips.

Emily blinked and nodded, "Okay."

"Goodbye," Paige kissed Emily again, lingering this time to memorize the feeling.

"Bye." Emily watched as Paige left with still so many things unsaid between them.

Paige walked out the door and hurried down the stairs, dialing a cab company as she went. Distracted, she almost ran into someone as she opened the doors to the outside.

"Shit! I'm sorry," Paige said immediately, and then looked up, "Spencer!"

Spencer juggled the coffees she held in her hands, regaining her grip and her footing. "Paige, what are you doing here?"

Paige looked guilty. "I needed to talk to Emily."

"You couldn't call her?" Spencer said, eyebrow raised dubiously.

"No. Not about this. I gotta go." Paige hastily flagged down a passing cab and hopped in.

Spencer pursed her lips as she walked through the unlocked door of Emily's apartment, saw the tell-tale clothes on the floor that confirmed her suspicions, and made her way straight to the bedroom. "Are you crazy? Shut it down, Emily."

Emily looked up from her place on her bed, sheets wrapped around her as she leaned against the headboard. "I can't, Spence." She drew her knees to her chest and leaned her head on her arms. "I think I'm in love with her."

"Oh shit."

"I know."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"**Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." - Roger de Rabutin**

When Aria and Hanna glanced down at their phones as they simultaneously buzzed, they were shocked to see '911' as a message. The girls hadn't used that since high school, and it meant their friends needed them immediately. Hanna and Aria exchanged looks over their respective desks.

"I'll call," Aria said.

Hanna nodded to her and closed her laptop.

"Hey, what's going on?... Oh, ummm, I think we're clear..." Hanna walked over and bent over Aria's back, trying to listen to the other side of the conversation but failing, and Aria shooed her away. "Really?... Okay...We will be there as soon as we can."

As soon as she hung up, Hanna asked impatiently, "What is it?"

"Spencer said to come to Emily's, and to bring wine."

Hanna looked confused, "It's ten a.m. What are we celebrating?"

Aria frowned, "If it's what I think, it's not exactly going to be a party."

* * *

When Aria and Hanna knocked on the apartment door a half hour later, Spencer answered it. The girls could see Emily curled up on the couch beyond, a box of tissues in her lap.

"Em had an interesting house guest last night," Spencer said sarcastically.

Aria sighed and walked over to sit on the couch arm next to her friend, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You're still sleeping with her, huh?" Aria questioned.

"You knew?" Spencer was indignant across the room, her mouth hanging open in the way that it did when she was surprised and angry all at once.

"Knew what? Sleeping with who?" Hanna looked among her friends in confusion.

"Whom," Spencer corrected as she crossed her arms, "Paige McCullers."

Hanna's eyes grew wide. "Holy crap!" She looked down at the bottle in her hand. "We didn't get enough wine."

* * *

"I was wondering when you were gonna show up." Julie was standing on the stairs of the tour bus when she greeted Paige in the parking lot of the Edgefield amphitheater in Oregon.

"I had a thing," Paige said noncommittally as she pulled herself up onto the bus.

Julie wasn't deterred. "You see her?"

"Yeah."

"She hate you?"

"I don't think so."

"Good. Now go get dressed. Let's blow this bitch out." Julie clapped her best friend on the back as they headed to the rear of the bus where a little private area with a door was.

Carrie, pretending to watch TV from a couch, surreptitiously glanced over to Paige as she eavesdropped on the short exchange. Julie caught the look and stuck her tongue out at the blonde as she passed by.

* * *

"So you're like, _in love_ with Paige McCullers? Why didn't you tell me?" After her initial shock, Hanna cuddled up and made herself comfortable on the couch next to Emily.

Emily sniffled, a tissue in her hand as she kept the tears at bay, "It's not exactly rainbows and roses, Hanna. She doesn't love me back." Emily couldn't hold back a sob then. "She loves Carrie."

"Wait. _My _Carrie?" Hanna asked incredulously.

"Yeah, pregnant engaged Carrie." Spencer added, rounding the couch to sit on a chair on the other side.

Aria looked down at Emily from her seat on the arm, "Did she say she doesn't love you?"

Shaking her head, Emily replied, "No."

"Have you told her how _you_ feel?" Hanna asked. When Emily shook her head again, Hanna smacked her knee, "Well there ya go. Just tell her and you'll be good to go."

"It's not that easy. She's on tour, and relationships terrify her, and she drinks too much, and-"

"And she's our completely unstable client who is paying all our bills at the moment," Spencer added.

"Thanks. I need more reasons to feel terrible today. Pile them on." Emily stood up, threw her Kleenex on the ground, and walked to the kitchen window. She suddenly remembered when Paige stood in the same spot the morning after the ice storm, a coffee in her hand that steamed up the cold glass. Emily was sure she loved Paige back then- even as she had denied it and called it a mistake.

Aria glared at Spencer, "Ease up. Whose side are you on?"

At that stern reprimand, Spencer finally relented and walked over to Emily at the window, wrapping her arms around her from behind. "I am always on your side Emily. I'm just worried."

"About me or our client?"

"You. Always you, Em. If Paige can't see how amazing you are, she's not worth my time."

Emily put a hand on one of Spencer's arms as she bowed her head. "Thanks Spence."

* * *

The phone rang, but no one answered before voice mail picked it up.

"Emily, hey it's Paige. Sorry I missed you. I had a few minutes and I- I just wanted to say hi I guess. So ummm... Anyway. Bye." _What are you doing? She clearly doesn't want to talk to you._ Paige sighed as she hung up and threw the phone down, watching as it clattered hollowly on the tile floor of the hotel's bathroom. _There. Broken phone means no drunk dialing_.

She turned back to the liquor bottle sitting on the marble counter. _Digs have improved, but you're still worthless. _She snatched the whiskey off the counter and stepped fully clothed into the glass-encased shower. Turning the dial and then opening the alcohol, she let the water pour on her head as she tried to wash the uncertainty down her throat.

* * *

Emily tossed her keys on the counter and quickly set down the bags of groceries in her arms. Then she reached in her purse, grabbed her phone out of it, and looked at the screen. Dammit. She had missed another call from Paige. She listened to the message, and then attempted to call back.

"Hey, leave a message if you want. No promises I'll call back." Paige's voice, even recorded, made Emily's heart beat a little harder.

"Paige, it's me. I'm just returning your call. I hope everything is going well. Call me when you can, okay? Bye."

Emily frowned. She hadn't managed to talk to Paige in two weeks. The time difference, Paige's tour schedule, and Emily's reassumption of manager duties for their local bands had conspired to reduce their conversations to a few succinct voice mails and texts.

Emily put down the phone, her spirit sinking at another lost opportunity to have a conversation with Paige.

* * *

"Do you wanna feel it?" Carrie asked as she rubbed her swollen stomach.

"What?" Paige said, picking her head up from where it rested on the window. She looked around and realized the rest of the band wasn't on the bus anymore, and then vaguely remembered that they had told her they were going into a restaurant. Happy to spend the time drinking alone, she'd declined to go. Except she wasn't alone. Carrie had stayed behind as well, complaining of morning sickness.

"The baby. It's not moving yet, but maybe you can unload some of that pent-up energy. I read that a soothing touch is good- for both of us."

Paige wasn't sure if Carrie meant the baby or her, and as she looked at Carrie's coy demeanor, she realized the ambiguity had been purposeful. By now, Paige had had too much to drink, so the part of her brain that knew it was a bad idea was overruled by the part that wanted to touch Carrie and didn't give a shit about bad ideas. "Alright," she said as she moved to sit next to Carrie on the couch.

Carrie picked up Paige's hands and placed them on her stomach, rubbing softly over Paige's knuckles and along her fingertips. "Your hands are warm. They feel really nice," Carrie commented.

Paige furrowed her brows as she looked down at the belly below her hands and then back up at Carrie's dark cerulean eyes.

"I miss you."

Paige blinked and then sneered. "No you don't. If I wasn't the lead singer, no one would give a shit about me."

"That's not true." Carrie tsked her. "I still love you, and I know you love me- or at least you did."

Yanking her hands away, Paige stood abruptly. "Fuck you, Carrie."

Carrie quirked an eyebrow deviously, "Do you love Emily Fields?"

That made Paige growl audibly, and she balled her hands into fists. "You're out of line." She stalked to the front of the bus, intent on exiting, but then realizing she left her jacket and wallet on the seat, she did an aboutface and stormed angrily back.

Carrie sat up straight and looked intensely at Paige. "That's not a denial."

Paige picked up her jacket and shrugged it on, the leather surrounding her like shield. "Drop it," she said as she zipped up her jacket and threw the bus doors open and walked briskly into the evening of the small town they had stopped in.

_There's gotta be a bar somewhere in this shithole._

* * *

"Hey! It's time for _Serendipity's _interview." Hanna stood up from her chair and waved her friends over to the TV in Spencer's house.

Spencer grabbed the remote and changed it to MTV as the four girls sat down to watch.

"Today we're here with the members of _Serendipity. _Their debut record came out a month ago, and it just went platinum. Their single 'Shock and Awe', which I'm sure you all have heard, is in the top ten of the billboard charts. Hey guys. Welcome to the show!"

The audience clapped and cheered, and someone shouted "I love you!"

Julie laughed and waved, "We love you, too."

"So, your album is doing really well," the interviewer began. "How's that feel?"

Craig leaned forward, "It feels amazing. It was a lot of hard work, but we're here."

The interviewer nodded, "And you're on tour now, huh?"

Julie nodded, "Yeah. For about a month now. We were just up in Montreal. So this is our first day in New York."

"How are you liking it?"

"It's a blast. We love meeting fans everywhere we go," Julie added. "We love how we get to talk to them and see them and touch them." More cheers from the audience erupted.

"What about you, Paige? You strike me as the kind of person who doesn't give much away when you're not rocking out on stage," the interviewer prompted.

"I don't know." Paige leaned back into the seat, the dark circles under her eyes visible even under the professional makeup. "I love our fans-" She smiled and waved at the cheers that brought on. "But in this business, you gotta be careful who you give pieces of yourself to. Because they don't give them back. And if you aren't paying attention, everything that makes you _you_ will be gone. And then who the (bleep) are you?"

"She looks really tired," Emily commented from her seat on the couch as she bit her lip and wrung her hands in her lap.

Aria looked away from the screen to view Emily. "You need to go see her," she said bluntly, but not unkindly.

"Yeah, Em. I'm sure she'd like to see you," Hanna chimed in.

Even Spencer's face softened when she saw how worried Emily was. "I'm tired of seeing you mope around here. New York is close. Go find a flight. If you hurry, you can probably be there in enough time to see their show tonight."

Emily's eyebrows lifted, "Do you really think I should?"

Hanna gave Emily her best impression of Captain Obvious. "Uhh, yes. Duh!" Hanna took Emily's elbow and dragged her to her feet. "Now let's go find something for you to wear when you surprise her."

* * *

The New York City night was chilly but inside the Gramercy theater, it felt like July. Paige was dripping wet, and her shirt, a Kinks T with the sleeves cut off, was no longer able to soak up the sweat as at ran off her. Her jeans stuck to her calves and thighs, making movement uncomfortable, and the microphone kept slipping in her hands.

As she sang, she began imagining that the crowd was an ocean, the undulations of their dancing like waves. Maybe she could float there, allowing the motion to carry her wherever it thought she needed to go. No more interviews where they ask personal questions that she couldn't or wouldn't answer. No one would depend on her to sing when her throat was on fire. She wouldn't have to contend with the rocking of the bus when she was hung over. Carrie wouldn't be there to remind her just how low she had sunk. It would just be an endless sea of nothing.

As the song ended, she closed her eyes and walked toward Craig to grab a drink of water, which is when the exhaustion took over and she started hallucinating. She imagined that Emily was standing behind a curtain off to the right, visible when the stage lighting flashed just right. Paige could clearly picture her wearing a short white dress trimmed with lace, waiting there rubbing her arms nervously, just like she had so often before. A vision from her daydreams, an exotic Aphrodite seeming to promise things Paige knew she wasn't allowed to have. Images like this had haunted Paige so often lately that she didn't even think it was odd anymore.

Except this time when the lights flashed again, Emily was still there, a bright smile making its way across her lips, one of those smiles that made her dimples show and made Paige's heart stop.

Julie saw their manager too, and she made her way over to Paige on the stage. "Last one," Julie encouraged as she tuned her guitar, "Just get through it."

Paige chugged a big gulp of water, wiped her face on a towel, and ran to the front of the stage as the music began, hard and fast.

_I let you get away with thinking you're the cure.  
__I think I'm in too deep, it's time to pull the cord.  
__I won't settle, settle, settle, you are never gonna hold me down.  
__I'm the best thing that never happened to ya._

She sang with renewed fervor, and the crowd coalesced into one large wave of energy, gaining momentum as Paige moved around, pointing and singling out the most boisterous fans she could see through the glare of the spotlight. As the song began the last repetition of the chorus, she jumped up onto one of the large speakers at the edge of the stage, her hair flinging droplets of sweat on the cheering public below.

_Never, never, never, you are never gonna live this down.  
__Life's too short, I can't fake it anymore.  
__I'm the best thing that never happened to ya.  
__I won't settle.  
__I won't settle.  
__I won't settle._

The crowd applauded and shouted and whistled, and Paige, exhausted and panting, leapt down from her perch, her legs feeling like jelly as she landed and began waving. "Goodnight New York! Thanks! You guys have been badass!"

Paige turned then, the noise and thunderous applause immediately drowned out by her thoughts. _Emily is here. Right now._ She turned off the microphone and set it down on an amp, wiped her face once again, and then jogged over to the stage wing.

Emily gave a little wave. "Hi, I just-"

"Don't talk," Paige commanded simply as she reached for Emily and brought their mouths together in a kiss that was hungry and satisfied all at the same time.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

**"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy." - ****Jim Rohn**

Emily's lips beneath hers were like an invocation of a muse, inspiring the singer with their sweet softness. Needing to reacquaint herself with the dark-haired beauty, Paige clasped the other girl's cheeks, inhaling the scent on her skin and taking in the breath that left her mouth as they kissed. Emily's very presence enraptured Paige, and the weariness that had been dogging her for weeks fell away in the intimacy of the moment.

"Come to the hotel with me," Paige directed against Emily's ear when she was able to stop her wandering lips.

Emily shivered at the timbre in Paige's voice, but before she could speak her reply, Craig came around the corner of the stage, and they quickly parted.

"Emily!" he exclaimed as he bent to give her a hug, "Whoops! Sorry I'm a little sweaty." He put his drumsticks in his back pocket and continued, oblivious to anything going on between the girls. "It's good to see you. Did you come for anything particular? Or just to hang out?"

Emily's lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she told a little white lie, "I had some free time, so I came to check on you guys."

"Great! You wanna come get a beer with us?" Craig's smile was wide and infectious.

Stuck without a good excuse, Emily had no choice but to agree. "Sure. That sounds good."

"Cool. I'm gonna go get changed," he commented as he patted Paige's shoulder and began walking to the dressing rooms nearby.

Paige rumbled disagreeably, but Emily held her at bay with fingertips against her stomach, "It's okay. We'll talk after."

Paige lifted an eyebrow questioningly, "_Talk_ talk? Or-"

"Just talk, Paige. We need to talk."

_Fuck,_ Paige cursed to herself.

* * *

After getting cleaned up and calling a limo to take them to their destination, the band members and Emily walked into a club in the Meat Packing District that had a rooftop bar with tables set on astroturf, giving the illusion that they had somehow stumbled upon a park in the sky. They were escorted to a table set off to the side near the glass railing that provided an unmarred view of the glittering skyline, and Paige, pouting somewhat, slumped down into the chair she was given.

The cocktail waitress, a beautiful slim girl in very little clothing for the chill in the air- even with the heaters on, came up to their table to take their order, sidling up next to Emily and bending seductively over her.

Julie, devilish in her sense of humor, grinned from ear to ear as she watched Paige wriggle at the situation. "Hey McCullers, what do you want to drink? I think this lovely lady would like to know." The lady in question was whispering something in Emily's ear and clearly wasn't paying attention to Paige, or anyone else at the table.

Paige shot Julie a dirty look as she bristled at the attention being lavished on Emily. "I think I'll go to the bathroom and then just get a drink from the bar." She stood up then, and walked away from the table in a huff.

Carson leaned over to Julie, his hand coming to rest on her forearm, "That was kinda mean."

Julie barked a laugh, "There was no 'kinda' about it."

* * *

"Hey, you took off." Emily walked up behind Paige, who was leaning, head down into her glass, with her elbows on the bar and a boot propped up on the brass foot rail.

Paige didn't pick up her head, instead shrugging under the veil of her hair, "You were busy when I went to get a drink." Her voice was rough, and Emily could hear the apprehension in it.

Emily touched the small of Paige's back as she leaned in, attempting to carefully smooth down the raised hackles there as if she were soothing a feral beast. "Paige," she whispered into the singer's shoulder, "I'm here because of you. Because of us. Don't you know how I feel?"

Paige's foot slipped off the rail and jarred her to a standing position. She closed her eyes tightly; the siren's call in Emily's voice was so close to seducing her. _Jesus! Fuck! "_Please don't do this," she begged as she grasped the edge of the bar with both hands, knuckles shining white with her effort.

Emily would not be dissuaded; she had started and she would finish what she came here to say. She gently took Paige's chin in her hands and pulled her face to her own so she could look into the brown eyes that held her heart. "Paige, I lo-"

"No!" Paige whispered fiercely as she turned and grabbed Emily by both her arms, and then kissed her hard into silence. When she pulled back, she addressed the confusion and hurt on Emily's face. "I can't lose you, Em. But I can't give you that part of me either. Because it's gone. I'm not a whole person, and you deserve that. You deserve more. And I'm sorry, but I can't seem to stay away from you, and I know that I'm making this worse, but if you say those words, then this thing we have won't be enough anymore. And I'll have to give you up. And I don't think I'm strong enough to do it. So please, _please_, don't say it."

Tears sprang into Emily's eyes as she watched the turmoil swirling in Paige's face. "You _are _enough," Emily countered.

"I can't, Em. I _can't_."

Emily yanked roughly out of Paige's grip. "Damn you for not even trying," she accused through her tears.

"Don't leave." Paige reached for Emily and drew her body into a tight embrace, trapping the other girl's forearms against her chest.

Emily balled her fists up, allowing the contact as well as fighting against it. Her tears fell hot and fast as she stared at the singer whose words and actions were carving off pieces of her soul, whittling her down. Finally, Emily shook her head, "I need to leave. I need some space."

Paige released her and said earnestly, "I don't want to hurt you."

Emily's rueful laugh came out half as a sob. "Too late."

As Emily turned her back and hurried out, Paige quickly finished her drink and then flagged the bartender to order another, downing it in one large swallow as soon as he poured it for her. It burned her throat, but it wasn't enough to deaden the pain, so she ordered another. Emily's tear-streaked face was still bright in her memory when she was finished with that one. So she ordered another.

* * *

When Julie knocked on the hotel room, no one answered, so she banged louder. A groan finally responded from within. "Wake the fuck up!" Julie yelled through the door.

"What?" Paige's voice croaked from the other side.

"Get up you guys."

Paige opened the door looking haggard and still dressed in last night's clothes. "God, call or something first. Christ." Paige left the door open as she walked back into her room and flopped on the bed.

Julie followed her and looked around the room. When she didn't see Emily, she went to the mini bar and grabbed a water before she came over to sit next to Paige, placing the bottle in her best friend's limp hand. "Where were you last night?"

"I'm not really sure."

"You weren't with Emily?"

"I don't think so."

"Shit, you need a goddamn leash."

Paige winced, "Not so loud."

Julie patted Paige's stomach a little harder than she needed to, earning a moan for her effort. "We'll talk later about last night. Right now, you need to get your stuff together. We gotta get on the road."

* * *

Emily caught it by accident. She had turned on the TV to have some comforting background noise. Then she heard the newscaster say Paige's name, and she looked up at the screen in horror. Pictures were splashed all over the monitor; Paige out at a trendy bar in New York with a large group of starlets and wannabes. She was obviously drunk, and the headlines and entertainment caster were sensationalizing the popular band's hard-partying lead singer. Emily watched in dismay from her apartment before she picked up the phone and called her friend.

"Have you seen the news?" Emily asked when Aria answered the line.

Emily could hear Aria's long-suffering sigh. "Yeah, we need to talk to David Myers and see what he wants to do with it." Aria said before adding softly, "Are you okay?"

Emily blew out a breath. More tears welled up in her eyes, and she cursed her feelings. She had thought she couldn't cry anymore after she made it home in the early hours of the morning after catching a red eye flight. Listening to Paige express her profound belief that she wasn't capable of love again was heartbreaking. How could Emily overcome that? And what would happen if she couldn't accept what Paige was offering? Worse, what would happen if she _did_ accept it? Where did that leave her? "I can't even talk about it, Aria. It's too much. I just need to work for a while and get my mind off it."

"I'm here if you need me," Aria comforted.

It turned out that David Myers was ecstatic. "Glorious!" he had shouted, and he was right. The band's single jumped to the number 2 spot by that afternoon.

And while the band she was managing was enjoying meteoric heights, Emily was falling just as fast into despair.

* * *

"Paige McCullers is gay, right?"

Emily wasn't surprised by the question. As soon as _Serendipity's _star began to rise, the HMF agency had seen a huge increase in business, and with that came curiosity about their biggest client. At the moment, Emily was talking to Aaron Day, a solo act Hanna had found and signed about a month ago. "I don't comment on my clients' personal lives. You'll thank me for that later."

"Oh, 'cause I saw her backstage with some hot blonde named Carrie when we caught them in Philly yesterday."

Emily swallowed her shock, and forced out a noncommittal, "Oh?"

"Yeah, they definitely looked gay if you know what I mean."

Emily's heart was wrenching painfully and her vision started to tunnel. Even if it had been almost two weeks since that devastating night in New York, she had to believe Paige wouldn't run back to Carrie. Just because Emily needed some time to process everything didn't mean Paige wouldn't wait- or did it? Then the paparazzi photos of Paige surrounded by girls in the club sprang into Emily's head, and she blinked rapidly before continuing, "I wouldn't know anything about that. Now let's look at this schedule I've got for you..."

* * *

Backstage at the Mann in Philadelphia was packed with roadies because another show was being broken down while _Serendipity's_ crew was setting up. Paige ducked into a small doorway to avoid two large men carrying part of lighting framework. When they passed her, she tried to continue down the hall, but Carrie quickly came around the wall to block her and push her into the little room the doorway led to.

"Hey," Carrie said, invading Paige's personal space.

Paige nodded guardedly, "Hi."

Carrie twisted her hands together in front of her, and then she spoke. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you lately- with all that craziness in New York and stuff. I just wanted to tell you that I'm here if you ever want to talk. I'm still your friend, Paige. That will never change."

Paige took a deep breath and let it out. Being alone with Carrie was never a good idea. "Thanks."

Carrie touched her shoulder then. "I _do_ still have feelings for you." She stood on her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on Paige's mouth. "But I can hold them back if that's what you need."

Paige was rocked by sudden memories of kisses and lazy mornings in the sunlight. _Fuck me, she can't ever just let me be. _"I'll take that into consideration. Excuse me." Paige walked around Carrie and back into the hall where she bumped into some blonde guy who had been staring at her.

* * *

"Can I talk to you?" Paige asked from the dressing room doorway as she leaned on it.

Julie looked wide-eyed at Paige's reflection in the dressing mirror in front her, and then she turned around in her chair, shock clearly written all over her face, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I just need someone to talk to."

"Seriously, what the fuck? You haven't asked to talk in two years, ever since Count Bitchula cheated on you." Julie slammed her hand down on the back of her chair to drive home her point. "I have to literally drag you out of a goddamn pool, and you _still_ don't say two words that even resemble feelings. So _what the fuck is going on_?"

Paige's face twisted in pain. "Emily hasn't called since New York."

Julie's eyebrows shot skyward. "So am I going to actually get to hear how you fucked that up?"

"She almost said she loves me, but then I stopped her because I can't love her back, and-"

"Wait." Julie held up her hand. "Why can't you love her back? She's a goddamn perfect human being."

"So was Carrie, and now look where I am. I'm stuck. It's like Carrie has these strings attached to me, and she pulls them every time I start to walk away." Paige wrapped her arms around herself tightly, trying to hold in the sorrow that was threatening to tear down the iron barrier she had so carefully welded around herself.

"Cut them." Julie stood and walked over to Paige. "Craig knows what he got himself into, but it's not fair to Emily. So if you feel anything at all for her- and I'll fucking eat my shorts if you don't- you will cut them because that girl loves you. But she won't wait forever. And you don't want to be stuck as Carrie's puppet."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"**This discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call **_**Serendipity**_**, a very expressive word, which, as I have nothing better to tell you, I shall endeavour to explain to you: you will understand it better by the derivation than by the definition." – Horace Walpole**

"What are we watching tonight Hanna?" Spencer asked from her place in the wingback chair in her living room.

After listening to Aaron Day gossip about Paige, Emily was grateful for movie night at Spencer's house. She was happy to have a glass of wine in her hand and her closest friends surrounding her.

"The Notebook," Hanna responded, which elicited the predictable groan from Spencer.

"Seriously, Hanna? Again?"

Hanna shrugged, "I like it, and it's my turn. When it's your turn, you can go pick out some dumb foreign movie that we all have to pretend to read."

"You make us watch this movie when things are going really well or really poorly with your love life. So which is it?" Aria asked, laughing.

Hanna grinned and took a sip of her wine before responding, "It's good. Travis is taking me to dinner on Friday. He won't tell me where, but he told me to dress up."

"Great," said Spencer, "At least one of us is in a happy relationship."

"Ezra and I are happy!" Aria protested from her side of the couch.

"Ezra is in another state. That's not happy, that's sequestered." Spencer looked over at Hanna who had a puzzled expression on her face. "Look it up."

Giving Spencer a disgusted look, Hanna glanced over at Emily sympathetically, "Have you talked to Paige?"

"Nope," Emily responded. She didn't want to talk about it right now, and just the conversation surrounding the topic was starting to put her in a foul mood. "Can we just start the stupid movie?"

Hanna put up both hands in surrender, "Oo-kay. Movie it is."

* * *

An hour into the movie, Emily's phone began buzzing loudly from where she left it on Spencer's kitchen counter. Relieved to take a break from watching the romantic story, she hopped up from her place on the couch and went to pick it up. Shocked by the number on her caller ID, Emily braced herself for the phone call as she answered it. "Paige? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nice to talk to you too." Paige said, attempting a joke to cover the awkwardness she was feeling. When Emily didn't say anything, she sighed and continued, "I'm fine. Listen, I know you said you wanted some space, but I just wanted to hear your voice, I guess."

"Oh." Emily frowned in consternation, aware of her friends' intense scrutiny from their places in the living room.

"Em," Paige's voice sounded soft and gravelly. Emily closed her eyes against the fresh pain of remembering that same voice begging her not to leave even after it stabbed her with its careless cruelty. "Can you- Fuck!- so that premiere party David invited us to- I want you to come with me." Paige faltered over her words before finishing in a rush.

Emily knew the premiere was in Hollywood, and even though David Myers had invited _Serendipity, _it was more a demand than a request, and Paige was expected to attend. Emily, however, was not. "Paige, you can go with anyone you want."

"I want to go with _you_."

Emily, still unsure of what she was willing to take from Paige, attempted to deflect the invitation with an excuse. "I have a client meeting the next morning. I can't go."

"I'll fly you home on a jet so you can get back in time. What good is all this money if I can't use it?"

"I don't think this is a good idea-"

"Please say yes," Paige pleaded.

Caught off guard by the plea, Emily relented, mentally kicking herself as she put a hand to her forehead. "Okay, I'll go."

Paige let out a breath into the phone. "Good. I'll have the plane pick you up tomorrow afternoon."

When Emily hung up the phone, her friends immediately descended upon her. "What did she ask you to do?" "Where are you going?" Spencer and Hanna asked in unison.

Emily sat down on a stool at the counter and propped her head in her hands. "I'm going to the 'Falling Out' premiere party tomorrow night."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "So what does this mean?"

Emily made a sound halfway between and sob and a laugh. "It means I'm so crazy about her that I can't stay away, even when I should."

* * *

Emily flopped back on her bed as Hanna went through her closet, deciding on a dress for her to wear. "Hrmm. It has to look chic next to Paige. She'll probably do the leather thing, right? And you wanna look totally hot for her so she can see what she's missing."

"Hanna, you are not helping."

"You should just show up naked." Hanna reasoned as she pulled out a little black dress and held it out.

Emily put her arms over her eyes, "Sex isn't exactly the problem."

The blonde girl turned around from the closet then, "Too bad she's not a guy. I swear their heart is attached to their penis."

"Nice. I could have gone without that bit of wisdom." Emily sat up, "Let's just find something I can wear. I need to leave soon."

"Alright, jeez. You're so touchy lately," Hanna complained and then pulled out another dress. "You should wear this."

An hour later after Hanna had given her seal of approval, Emily arrived at the airport and was escorted to the executive airfield where she boarded a G650 owned by Eastside Records. A personal attendant and stylist were already on board to ensure she would be ready when they arrived in Hollywood.

The attendant addressed Emily as she entered, "Ms. Fields, we should arrive in Hollywood just before ten o'clock. Ms. McCullers has arranged your transportation to the party from the airport. Please make yourself comfortable, and let me know if there is anything at all you want."

Emily blew out a breath. Anything she wanted? God, she wasn't sure anymore. A part of her wanted to cancel this whole trip and go home, but another part, the one that woke her up every day with thoughts of Paige and pangs of heartache, wanted the plane to get to California faster.

* * *

Paige waited impatiently by the limo on the tarmac. The flight had landed and was taxiing at the moment, but it seemed as if it were crawling at a snail's pace. Paige had just spent weeks on a bus, traveling with Carrie and watching her fawn over her growing belly. She'd been interviewed, cheered at, jeered at, photographed by paparazzi, asked to sign thousands of autographs, and manhandled by far too many people, all without the comfort of talking to the one person that had made it bearable. She desperately needed solace; she needed Emily. But she was terrified by Emily's silence the past few weeks.

When the plane finally pulled up, the door opened and the stairs were brought down, and Paige moved from her leaning position on the car to start walking toward the aircraft. As she closed the distance, Emily appeared in the doorway and began descending the stairs, and Paige's gait faltered, so enthralled was she by the sight of the beautiful girl illuminated in the night by the plane's interior lights and the landing strip's spotlights.

Emily stepped out and down in a long sleek white dress, a deep vee in the front dipping almost to her navel. Her hair was styled in soft waves around her shoulders, and her thick lashes fluttered her nervousness as she looked at Paige coming towards her.

To Paige, Emily was a heavenly creature let loose by a fortuitous happenstance, touching down on earth to beguile the singer and overload her senses, and as Paige came to stand before her, she couldn't get any words to come out. She just reached for Emily and pulled her close until the loneliness and Carrie and the stage and the terrible pressure were gone and all she could feel was the benediction of Emily's body. "I missed you," Paige heard herself say into the sweet skin of the other girl's neck.

Paige's body was warm, and Emily felt herself melt heavily into the embrace. The hands against her back were strong as they held her, and she sank into the genuine simplicity of Paige's arms and words. "I missed you too."

Paige didn't let her go, and instead voiced her fear into the raven hair as she breathed it in, "I wasn't sure you'd come after-"

Emily wrapped her arms tightly around Paige's neck, gathering the material of her collar in a fist. "I don't want to talk about that. I just want to spend the evening with you before I go back to Rosewood." She felt Paige nod, and she held her for a moment longer before she reluctantly spurred them into motion, "We should get going."

Paige nodded again and stepped back, her eyes roaming all over Emily's face. She wanted to say so much- to apologize for hurting her, for being selfish enough to ask her to come, to thank her for coming, for just being alive and real. Most of all, Paige wanted to kiss her, to go on kissing her until she couldn't think anymore, to fall into the whiskey-like oblivion of her lips.

Instead, she drew further away and took Emily's hand and led her to the limousine.

* * *

"Paige! Emily! I'm so happy you two could join us!" David greeted the girls as they arrived at the Roosevelt hotel, cameras flashing as they walked along the roped off path from the street to the front doors. "Emily, you look ravishing as always." He patted Paige on her shoulder and gave her a knowing wink, "And you, my dear, I hope you and _Serendipity _will do us the honor of a small concert a little later?"

She bowed her head in deference and agreed amiably. "I think we could be persuaded."

"Good! Good! I'll come get you when we're ready. Until then, eat, drink, and drink some more!" He laughed and clapped as he waddled off into the crowd, leaving them to stand alone for a moment.

Emily glanced over at Paige, who was perusing the faces in the room. She looked amazing in black leather pants and a black silk oxford shirt piped with crimson details. The way she was dressed gave the impression of flowing lava, a layer of glassy obsidian undulating on top of molten heat. The sudden desire Emily felt as she looked at Paige was both the reason she was here and the reason she shouldn't have come. The singer had all the power of a practiced snake charmer, and Emily was too easily mesmerized.

"Shall we go look for the rest of the band?" Emily asked, attempting to redirect her own thoughts.

Paige looked over. The low yellow lights flickering off the glass and mirrors turned her eyes an amber color as they reflected the glow. "Can we wait a while? I've been cooped up with them for two months. I could use a break."

Emily smiled, "Sure, what would you care to do instead?" Paige's eyes flashed with white hot intensity for an instant, and Emily blushed at the obvious bent of Paige's thoughts. "Ahem," she cleared her throat, "A drink perhaps?"

Paige closed her eyes and chuckled at herself, "A drink would be great."

They made their way over to the bar and placed an order, during which time a few people came over and introduced themselves to Paige, who in turn introduced them to Emily. While they chatted, Paige kept a hand lightly on the small of Emily's back, subtly claiming her as off limits to some of the guests who seemed a little more than politely interested in the exotic beauty. Just as Paige was beginning to tire of the small talk and the leering glances at her date, her band mates walked up to join them.

Disregarding the other participants in the conversation she interrupted, Julie focused her attention on Paige. "Hey, sorry to break up the fun, Annie, but Daddy Warbucks wants us to sing for our supper." She gestured with her thumb over her shoulder toward the spot David Myers was standing in.

The call to arms both relieved and vexed Paige. She didn't want to talk to the strangers anymore, but nor did she want to leave Emily, especially among these fickle Hollywood types. What she really wanted to do was take Emily to someplace dark and do a lot of not talking to her. _Fuck me_, she thought ruefully as next to her, her manager greeted the band with a smile that sparkled in the ambient light as she hugged Craig, Julie, and Carson in turns.

"Hey, it's good to see you," Julie said, smiling genuinely at Emily. "Come over by the stage. We just have to play one song. It's new, so you can tell us what you think of it for our fucking badass sophomore album that's gonna come out in two years after the label has milked this one dry."

Emily laughed as she let Julie guide her over, "I can't wait to hear it."

As the band took their places on the stage near the pool deck, and the music that had been playing was muted, the party-goers began to turn to the stage and drift to places where they could get a better view. David took a microphone and introduced them. "As a special treat, we have _Serendipity _here with us. You guys might know them with their hit single 'Shock and Awe,' which was featured on the soundtrack of the movie." He paused while the audience clapped and cheered. "They're gonna play a brand new song for us tonight, so pay attention!" He turned and handed the microphone to Paige and then clapped for them as he stepped off the stage in a strange hop that only very short and very obese people can do.

"So," Paige began, her voice unsteady in the mic, especially contrasted with David Myers' larger-than-life one, "This is a new song that I wrote recently, and I'm not usually the songwriter, so uhhh, we'll just have to see how this goes, I guess." Paige cleared her throat as Craig began a slower beat than was normal for the band, and she closed her eyes and began to sing.

_I see it in the way you'd do  
__When no one else could ever get through  
__Holding back 'til I come around  
__Time and time again you wait for me to come in  
__And did you really look my way?  
__There's not a lot of love these days  
__I would never, ever let you down  
__If I was running backwards in full time_

_So I can, and I will  
__And you'll see your hero come running  
__Over and over tonight_

_And I do wanna love you  
__See me running back and  
__And I do wanna try  
__Never wanna see you cry  
__If falling for you, girl, is crazy,  
__Then I'm going out of my mind  
__So hold back your tears this time_

When the chorus finished, Paige finally opened her eyes and looked directly at Emily, who gasped at the raw emotion she saw there.

_Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody  
__But you believed that I could be somebody  
__You put your world on hold for me  
__Gave away to follow failure through the fire  
__Oh, what if I never let you down  
__And said sorry for the nights I can't remember ?  
__What if I never said to you I would try?  
_

_And I do wanna love you  
__See me running back and  
__And I do wanna try  
__If falling for you, girl, is crazy  
__Then I'm going out of my mind  
__So hold back your tears this time, yeah_

When the song ended, Emily turned away, unable to hold herself together. It was too much, too personal, and she fled before she fell into pieces in front of everyone.

As Emily ran off, Paige looked back to Julie with a question clearly on her face. Julie cocked an eyebrow, mouthed something that looked like "fucktard" and gestured for Paige to follow the fleeing girl. Paige nodded and quickly hopped down and tried to make her way through the onlookers, who were enthusiastically congratulating her and attempting to pull her into conversations, unaware that her quarry was escaping. As Paige tried to bat them politely away as she pushed slowly through, she was suddenly halted by a small blonde with blueberry eyes and luscious curly blonde hair.

"Carrie," Paige greeted the girl standing in front of her.

Carrie smiled, "That was a beautiful song."

"Thanks."

"You never wrote a song for me, I don't think," Carrie said, her hand coming to rest on her slightly protruding belly.

Paige blinked rapidly. She looked at Carrie, closed her eyes, and looked again. But it was the same. She felt _nothing _standing there in the night air. For the first time ever, Carrie elicited neither anger nor lust nor jealousy nor love. It was as if Paige were looking at someone unknown to her. Carrie was a dull and lifeless stone next to the dazzling brilliance of Emily.

"Yeah, you weren't worth it," Paige replied, shell-shocked and awe-struck at the sudden epiphany. "If you'll excuse me, I have something I need to do." She moved quickly around her stunned ex-girlfriend, and continued to make her way determinedly through the people standing between her and Emily's retreating form.

Emily made it inside and into a room where she was alone. She leaned her hands on the back of an ornate couch, her breath coming in strangled gasps as the words to the song and the look in Paige's eyes rattled her to her core.

"Emily!"

Emily whirled around to see Paige break through the doors, and she nearly collapsed under the weight of Paige's stare. "Please, Paige, don't do this to me if you don't mean it," she begged, her hand over her chest to try to rein in the frantic beating beneath it.

Paige stood there for a moment, energy rippling through her body as she was again struck dumb by the girl standing just a few feet away. And then she moved, striding purposefully until she swept Emily into her arms, still saying nothing for a moment as she gazed fiercely into the coal eyes that were searching her face with a mixture of hope and fear.

Finally, Paige smiled softly at the girl whose body fit perfectly with her own, and the words started spilling out. "Em, I don't want my past to dictate my future. I'm tired of being scared. I'm not the carefree person I used to be, but I don't have to be," Paige explained as her hands came up to caress Emily's face. "I used to think I was lucky. I had everything I ever wanted just fall in my lap. But I didn't appreciate it, so when my luck ran out, I couldn't handle it; it broke me down and made me angry. But then you happened. Finding you was the real serendipity. Fuck, I _love _you. I absolutely love you, Emily Fields. And I hope you'll tell me you'll forgive me for not believing I could. Because, really, all I do is love you."

Tears welled up in Emily's eyes and a few slipped down her cheeks as she broke into one of her blinding smiles. "I love you, too," she said as she wrapped her fingers around the back of Paige's neck and kissed her softly.

Paige grinned and hugged her tightly, "Good. It's about time I get lucky," she quipped as she pressed her lips to Emily's again. _This time I won't waste it_.


	25. Chapter 25

Catch up with Paige and Emily in the sequel, titled Fortune


End file.
